THE NEXT GOVERNMENT.

BARISAN RAKYAT SHALL FORM THE NEXT GOVERNMENT!

SOS

SOS
nation in distress

The World Anthem


WE ARE ALL OF 1 RACE, THE HUMAN RACE.


22/08/2008

POT LUCK, ANYONE ?












by syed yamin abdul bukhari usman (syabu), donplaypuks® free-lance intrepid correspondent for 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' & 'Puff, The Magic Dragon' affairs

It was the week of tumbling commodities & agriculture futures prices where johnny-come-lately speculators got their fingers and undepants burnt as well. Donplaypuks® commissioned its special deep-cover free-lance investigative journalist, Syabu, to carry out a secret and in-depth protoscope probe cum plastic tube (batteries not included) investigation into the strange goings-on at the HQ and Branches of our Futures & Commodities United Paradigm Shafting Synergy Systems (or FUCUPSSS for short).

Syabu managed to penetrate deep into the convoluted colons of FUCUPSSS’s labyrinthine entrails to record a 'go burn em type' secret oral & dvd interview with an informed source from the highest echelons of the organization. Deep Throat, identified only as Chief Propaganda Orificer, Firdaus Fandi Benny ( a false name and rank) or CPO FFB, made some startling disclosures, under promise of anonymity and admission to the National Witness Protection Programme (to be tabled in Parliament by 2020), as follows:-

Syabu
How did the speculators manage to dupe FUCUPSSS for so many years? I understand you have some of the most professional as well as London & Washington-trained Enforificers and Unbreakable Security Systems in the World.
CPO FFB
True. But these Zionist speculators and traitors managed to penetrate our ISO2020 IT Computer Security System while in the midst of it being upgraded under a directly negotiated non-tendered-out $ 4 billion EMU (Economic@MsplanningUnit@.gov.con) contract awarded to a company linked to some People of the Book and Lion City.
Syabu
I understand the speculators and rogue traders in the Ujong Tanah incident were initially caught with their fingers in the cookie-jar. How did they then manage to escape from their restricted rooms and retrieve the FFB’s from FUCUPSSS’s security vaults without being spotted?
CPO FFB
Well, they might have had some extra-terrestrial assistance. UFO's.
Syabu
Were the Chinese Triads involved?
CPO FFB
Can't say, man. But for sure there was a lot of chasing the dragon!
Syabu
So, you mean it’s confirmed it was an inside job?
CPO FFB
You didn't hear it from me.
Syabu
How was it determined that it was an inside job?
CPO FFB
Our Internal Enforificers found some of the FFB fruits in the wallets, boots and on the dining table in the living rooms of the conspirators.
Syabu
Whoa! So congvingnience one ah?
CPO FFB
Well the conspirators confessed as well and led us to the evidence.
Syabu
Just like that? They caved in to gentle persuasion in a tea-party like atmosphere in the dungeon? Similar to all those people who confessed to consuming illicit instant 3-minutes Sodo Mee in 1998? What great, friendly tea-parties they must have been, don't you agree? The Enforificers claimed that time they never even had to raise their voices once.
CPO FFB
Standard methadoneology and Geneva Convention interrogation techniques were applied. We are very strict about that.
Syabu
I heard the old rubber hose or plastic tube (batteries not included) and standing wearing only underpants under the air-con at full ice-freezing-blast techniques were used to extract confessions. Speedy results!
CPO FFB
Essentially, Speed was the main issue. So, we sent in our Crack squad of Internal Enforificers, the best in the business.
Syabu
How were the security vaults compromised? Do you normally store concentrated Hydrochloric Acid on the premises?
CPO FFB
Don be stupid! Of course NOT! We store concentrated Nitri Acid.
Syabu
What for?
CPO FFB
You ask me, I ask you lah. Maybe the Skurity Sarjen is a closet chemistry buff training for 'Mastermind' competition in the UK, specialty subject - 'Corrosive Action of Concentrated Acids on Metal Locks.'
Syabu
What about CCTV footages?
CPO FFB
There are some curious gaps and chewing gum in the footages.
Syabu
And where was the Security Sargeant when the vault was broken into?
CPO FFB
Right there at his desk outside the security vault.
Syabu
Oh, you mean..er... zzz…like Rip Van Winkle?
CPO FFB
Yes, let’s move on.
Syabu
What about that incident in Nine Counties? The traders manged to pick a maximum-security vault lock with a piece of metal from a toilet-seat hinge? And then returned with the FFB to the holding rooms to party with FFB ice-kachang?
CPO FFB
Highly ingenious and innovative! They apparently needed the fruits to mix some very potent 'kick' cocktails to celebrate their record quarterly results.
Syabu
They must have had ‘friends’ in high places.
CPO FFB
Yes, they and their friends managed to get to some Very High places at the party that night.
Syabu
And what about the million $ FFB losses from Fort-Knox Vaults at Sell-Out-All State under CM Fujimori Toyota, our first Japanese CM from Peru, some years ago?
CPO FFB
Well a lot of grass has grown under the feet since then. But the Enforificer Rogue Traders were severely dealt with, you know.
Syabu
You mean…no, they wouldn't do that, would they? Good God, no!!
CPO FFB
Yes, all transferred out of the state to the East on 24-hour’s notice with promotions, pay increase, special 1-off bonus and certificates of commendation included.
Syabu
That severe punishment, huh? Like what happened to that teacher who uttered racist remarks?
CPO FFB
There are no exceptions, you must understand. It is standard FUCUPSSS country-wide policy.
Syabu
Rather myopium policies and strategies, wouldn’t you say?
CPO FFB
National stragedy!! Poor strategy ending in long-term permanent tragedy.
Syabu
A lot of money gone up in smoke. Perhaps a case of too many men of poor quality, perhaps?
CPO FFB
You think they should recruit and also promote more women?
Syabu
Why not? Can’t get worse than now, can it?
CPO FFB
Yeah, maybe there will be a heroin or two to improve the morale and image of the Enforificers. You think?
Syabu
You bet!!
donplaypuks® with my cpo ffb pot of luck man!!

14/08/2008

BEIJING OLYMPICS ROCKED BY SCANDAL ONE !!










by dung xiao ping pong, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for olympiad affairs

'Games brought to a virtual halt' reports Chi Hwa Hwa Lap Dance Poodle National News Agency.

British and Western colonialist conspiracy’ accuses Adolf Robber Muggles Mugabe, as he launches world’s first trillion $ loaf of bread franchise in Harare.

malaysiasoros@.con Zionist plot,’ condemns ex-Chief Master Planner of The Realm, Maha Sith Jedi Darthvader Maha Rama Firaun 1 or Pak Langsung Tak Bajet or affectionately known as Tak Bajet, for short.

'No rumour to truth of abduction' says WCW New State Thimes, Stripes & Stars.
'What the hell was that??!!' says mayor of Hiroshima.

Barely into its first week, the 08-08-08 Feng Shui-blessed Beijing Olympics ground to a virtual halt today as protesters disrupted the games by kidnapping IOC President Jacques Sauniere Damn Hash Brown Mitterend Sarkozy Froggey and threatening to force-feed him with Freedom Fries and Ketchup if their demands were not met immediately.

The little known protest group which goes by the acronym of MILF (Machingdon International Liberation Front) claims to hail from the murky islands of the Golden Chersonese. MILF is known to have as its motto “Two Legs Good, Four Legs Better And Some Are More Equal Than Others.” The protesters are believed to have taken their captive to their temporary HQ in the jungles surrounding Peace Hill Resorts on the outskirts of Beijing.

The following short message was emailed to donplaypuks® by MILF Chief Spokesman, Dung Wang Ngee:

“Ever since the Olympic Games commenced in 700 BC, the rules have been formulated to make it impossible for Golden Chersonians to win a Gold Medal. In modern times this conspiracy has continued with the changing of the FPS (foot, pound, second) and CGS (centimetre, gram, second) to the French SI (Systeme Internationale or Metric System with metre, kilogram, second) measurement system which the Yankees have still not implemented in the USA. And, damn these terrorists, they still drive on the right side !!

Two thousand years of colonization and paradigm shafting by these Zionist and/or their sympathisers has made it impossible for Chersonians to compete on an equal footing with Westerners and other pro-Zionists so much so that we will not achieve our target of at least One Gold Medal in the Olympic Games by 2020 unless drastic steps are taken. In view of these iniquities which are an obscene assault on our God-given inalienable human right to compete, we, the MILF, DEMAND that the following ADDITIONAL NEW SPORTING DISCIPLINES be made MANDATORY IMMEDIATELY in this and all future Olympics to enable us to compete, win and acquire international respect, renown and sustain national pride. Olympic Gold, Silver & Bronze medals shall be SUPPLEMENTED WITH ADDITIONAL PRIZES:-

1. Most number of RCI’s that can be held within a 4-year period where no action is taken to act on the RCI’s recommendations or to press charges against anyone.

Gold-8D/7N for 2 couples at Auckland Zoo, with initial rendezvous in Singapore. Bodyguards wil be provided. Voluntary hand-over-shoulder photo-shoots strictly NOT allowed.
Silver- 5D/4N for 3 couples by Lake Geneva Chalet. Photo-shoot with ex-Army General included.
Bronze- 2D/1N at Lord Lingham’s Saucy MiCastleYourCastle Curry House. Whisky and drunken, incoherent 'maybe he is, maybe he isn't' shyster's monologue with Jedi Judge @ no extra charge. Go burn your own CD.
Special Platimum 4th Prize- 2-hour green tea and japanese blead making session with apanama, we forget!!

2. Most number of times a new bridge costing $250 million can be repaired within a 4-year period using Horse Brand Super Glue.

Gold-$500 million contract with compensation for new crooked bridge over troubled waters leading to nowhere. Master Plan & construction not required.
Silver- $100 million contract for old Highway upgrade with VO of $50 million. Invoices not required.
Bronze- $40 million contract for Toll flyover with VO of $30 million. Exempt from PAC investigation.

3. Most number of times a School Teacher can say ‘fcuking behind rubber-estate bushes no good black-monkey immigrant pig babi bastards with no testicles born from thieving pimps and prostitutes go back to India & China’ IN ONE BREATHE.

Gold- immediate promotion as Sith Jedi Master Planner of the Realm for Learning.
Silver- immediate promotion as State Sith Jedi Master Planner for Learning
Bronze- immediate promotion as Sith Jedi HM of leading Sith Jedi State School. Certificate of appreciation and salary increment/special 1-off bonus included.

4. Most number of times an opposition politician can be prosecuted for copyright infringement of instant 3-Minutes Sodo Mee Brand Noodles in one 10-year period with no corroborating evidence to 'back it' up.

Gold-Free life-time medical check-up, DNA testing and treatment at Piss Raw Wee Hospital. Sigmoidoscope Protoscope probe, optional. Medical Report & SD will be posted via Internet at http://www.newin.burma@yangon.con/.
Silver- Free life-time medical check-up, DNA testing and treatment at Pondok@KLER.SithJedi.klinik.con. Medical Report- can be manufactured by pariahmedics. SD, plastic truncheon and batteries NOT included.
Bronze- Free life-time medical check-up, DNA testing and treatment at Room 69, Concordat Hotel, Paris. Free Gift - 'Giovanni's Room' , a novel by J.Baldwin.

5. Most number of times and the highest cost at which 13 brand-new Prime Motorcars can be serviced and repaired within 1-year of its purchase. Minimum qualification expenditure - $50,000 per car.

Gold-a brand new Merc compressor to be used by visiting foreign dignitaries from Trengganu only.
Silver- a brand new BMW compressor to be used by visiting foreign male dignitaries in Kelantan only.
Bronze- a brand new Camry compressor to be used by visiting local dignitaries anywhere.

6. Most number of times Land designated as ‘Green Lung’ can be sold for a song to a Croney for a multi-billion $ property development project within a 4-year period.

Gold- Contract for development of Sarawak. Sabah can oso be congsider.
Silver- Contract for development of National Park Reserve, Pahang. Tioman Island can oso be congsider.
Bronze- Contract for development of Lake Gardens KL, Parliament House & National Monument sites. National Museum site for 33-year Toll Highway with 100% traffic guarantee (based on downtown LA/London traffic-count) buy-back/compensation concession - can oso be congsider. (In fact, anything oso can be congsider.)

7. Most number of Hydroelectric Damns that can be built in 1 State within 4-years in direct-negotiations non-tendered-out NPP (new power players) contracts with 100% Federal Govt Sovereign guaranteed ‘take or pay’ & ‘cost pass-on escalation and gas subsidy' clauses & 18% (adjusted for inflation) IRR included. Minimum - 12 damns with 50% VO .

Gold- 51-year concession. Corporate Tax @ 0 % with no windfall-profits tax. $10 billion untested undersea cable contract - optional. No preliminary or EIA study required. Special Govt sponsored visit-cum-research trip to London, Paris, NY & Hauptbahnhof,Munich included.
Silver-33-year concession. Corporate Tax @ 1/2 % with no windfall-profits tax. Environment unfriendly alumunium-smelter contract - optional. Special Govt sponsored visit-cum-research trip to Beirut, Cairo, Libya, Iran and Amsterdam included.
Bronze- 21-year concession. Corporate Tax @ 1% with no windfall-profits tax. Contract for obsolete-technology for solid-waste disposal Incinerator - optional. Special Govt OHMS funded visit-cum-research trip to Geisha House, Ginza Plaza included.

We shall table other demands from time to time to the IOC so that each Games can be held over a longer period every four years and be truly representative of the entire World. If all goes well according to our proposals, plans and projections, MILF will be the FIRST to host a Trillion $ budget Olympic Games in 2020 and chalk up another entry in the International Genius Book of Records!!
donplaypuks® with my olympics man!!
ps
readers, feel free to suggest other new 'events' that can be oso congsider for inclusion in the 2020 Olympic Games

08/08/2008

NEP NEW DEAL GOES HOLLYWOOD!

OR 'Lord of The 3 Krisis' - Nation's Entry For The Oscars !!

by Tim Rice Kandar Frankie Roosevelt, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for Arty Affairs





Jedi Master Planner of The Realm for Culture, Movie & Art and Lion Fights at the Roma Coliseum, Sir Phil I.Stine Anak Yatim Piatu Edgar Rice Burro, said Saturday, that made-by-locals movie ‘The Lord of The 3-Krisis’ Trilogy would be the nation’s first-ever entry for the Oscars.

‘I cannot give away too much at this stage, but all will be revealed at the Premiere which will be held at the newly renovated Lion Fights Roma Coliseum Auditorium. Anybody who is somebody and all the Tai Tai’s you see every month in ‘Tai Tai Tatters Magazine’ will be there. It is an all local-stars cast, Produced, Directed and Shot by our very own Ms Labax Ning Two Bazookas, who has moved away from reprising her acting and singing roles to movie making,’ said the Master.

‘But I can give you a hint of what’s to come, so here goes!!’

THE HOLY MANTRA

Three Krisis for the GongsiRayaDeepa Leaders under the sky,
Nine for the Sultans of Swing in Dire Straits in their Palaces of Gold,
Thirteen for the Mortal Chief Jedi Dictators doomed to die from Billionaire’s Disease,
One for the Dark Lord of Dilemma in his Dark ElectronNeutronProton Turbo-Charged AP 1.5 litrel Model Car, on his Dark Twin Towers Throne,
In the Land of the GoldenChersoneseSuvarnadvipaGreaterCo-ProsperitySphere where the Peat Fire and Sumatran Haze waft.
One Krisis stage-managed riot to rule them all, One Kurrency Krisis inspired by
malaysiasoros@.con Zionists to bankrupt them,
One Krisis to arrest EXPUNGED sex offenders under the OSIBISA (Official Secrets, Intelligence, Banking and Internal Security Act) and in the darkness to bind and assault them,
In the Land of the GoldenSuvarnadvipaGreaterCo-ProsperitySphere where the Peat Fire and Sumatran Haze waft.

STORY SYNOPSIS

To the soft background music of ‘My Way The Only Way’ sung acapella by ex-Chief Jedi Master Planner of The Realm, Rama Maha Darthvader Firaun 1 or Pak Che LansungTak Bajet or Tak Bajet for short.

‘Hush, children, gather close around me, for I will narrate to you, ye tales and adventures in days of old when knights were bold and maidens fair; stories of old, lost in the mists of time and the Great Peat Fire and Sumatran Haze.’

‘The legend begins in Gunung Twin Towers, in the city which in ancient times was known as ‘Jauhar’ meaning ‘Precious Stones’ in Arabic. The Sifir of Gunung TT-Aditya Iyer- empowers his most trusted disciple, Sith Param Sikandar Alex Shan, master mole and Special Rappoteur for the A’Formosa , with the secrets of the 3-Krisis. Sith Rappoteur, on his death-bed, passes on the secrets of the 3-Krisis to his elite and most trusted martial art specialists,Tuah Kiu & Lee Kiu of the Hang dynasty from China (kungfu), Kasturi Muthu from Kerala, India (karate)and Lekir from Palembang, Sumatra (silat). Rappoteur does not reveal the source of the 3-Krisis to Tuah, the Team A Leader, and his men, but is sworn to secrecy to guard the secrets of the 3-Krisis to be held in trust (Amanah) for the good and benefit of the people.

Unbeknownst to them, there was a 4th Krisis, The Dark Eye of Sapusemuamoron, snafu’d by the traitrous Team B leader, Javerybbad The Hut from Pizzazi Land. An epic struggle ensues in the mountains, and Javerybbad emerges victor and manages to pass on only the 3-Krisis to his evil son Nasi Gottum. The loss of the Krisis results in no dividends for the common people who become disunited and eventually fall to foreign colonization for 450 years.

Long, long after, after the GoldenChersoneseSuvarnadvipGreaterCo-ProsperitySphere (hereafter referred to hereunder and everywhere else that follows as GCSGCPS) where the Peat Fire and Sumatran Haze waft, had been forgotten and independence from the Dark dirty white colonialists gained, there arose in this land, circa 1980, Gandhalfbreed ‘The Look East But Export West’ Magician, who was half from the land of Kama & Sutra, and half from the GCSKCPS.

Gandhalfbreed, who had in the time before land, been in a great Dilemma, now seeks to retrieve the magical 3-Krisis, swords that had mystical powers, as ‘whosoever shall possess them shall rule the Three Worlds and Kingdoms of DutaTunkennyDamanshire Hills’ – the grand Shires. The Three Krisis, encrusted with mystical crystals and jewels of all kinds, drawing their power from the sun and cosmic energy of the Universe, were:-

Krisis 2020 - 30% carrot Diamond
Krisis Jade Gate Clouds & Rains - pure green Jade
Krisis Rajadhiraja Chola 999 - Black-Gold Lingam

After the terrible
malaysiasoros@.con Zionist inspired Kurrency Krisis, the Krisis 2020-carrot 30% Diamond and Krisis Rajadhiraja Chola 999 Black -Gold Lingam were operating at less than 30% and 10% power respectively, while the Krisis Jade Gate Clouds & Rains had somehow managed to increase its power by dreawing energy from the Black Hole of Calcutta and Krakatoa.

Gandhalfbreed, using his special powers of paradigm shafting, then instructed his most trusted confidante & emissary Chief Beg Sheikh-a-leg Ali
Babaji, to organize the ThunThunSirSirLatokLatokLatinLatinRet.Gen/BG/KSU/Benevolent Jedi Dictators, to form the very well-received (by the Krisis 2020 members) heads I win-win tails you lose-lose partnerships with the Sacred Members of Jade Gate Clouds & Rains, while ignoring the needs of the people of Chola, the KamaSutrans, now operating at 1% power.

KamaSutrans comprised many ancient tribes from the land of the Indus River:-

Doot Land

Land of the world’s greatest singhers, hoockey players, back-door woodpeckersmen, exporters of bangali kondai and the branch of mathematics and business module called ‘Belakang Kira Woi’.

SothiVandi Land

Land of the world’s best Thunderbreads and Coconut Sothi.

Dravid Koresh Land

Land of the first settlers in the Indus Valley many of whom later became IT specialists and emigrated to Wisconsin, Arizona.

Muthu,Maniam, Manikam & Lingam Land

Or the Land of Machan and Annai - dark-skinned people famed for
their Computer Software skills, Call Centres, ‘Big Kambus’ and shaking of heads while talking.

See them and a Snake, Kill them first Land

Malayalam Land where Gandhalfbreed’s father and his ancestors came from.

Mamak Land

Land of the Indian Muslims known universally as Mamaks or Tuluks, famous for their Roti Chanai,Dalcha, Teh tarik and instant diarrheoa Curry Tambah, and Secondary Central HAVALLA Banking System. And many others.

Many young KamaSutrans, greatly disappointed at being marginalized and polarized by GCSGCPS’s education and employment policies, who after 25 years under Gandhalfbreed’s rule, could only converse and write in Manglish, began to carry Rulers and wear Dark Polaroid Shades and came under the influence of the Dark Lord, Lord Saturaman Busukaraman, and began calling themselves Saturaman Shmarman (SS).

They moved to the ancient Dark Kingdom of Killan or Kelang, near Port Swettenham, originally founded by Lord Killeny Fitzpatrick of Ireland, whose son is now the leader of that legendary rock group, Indian Rangoli Attam (IRA).

KamaSutrans, forced to scratch for a living, became Bouncers at nightclubs and places of ill-repute, Loan, Debt and Repo Collectors, and worse, Hit Men, ‘Hollywood-type Soprano Singers’ who would snuff out a human life for the next 50 cents and leave their infamous calling card on your doorstep – a bleeding goat’s head. They had become very disenfranchised and refused to eat or drink at McDonalds, KFC, Burger King, Starbucks, Pizza Hut, etc.

Dissatisfaction with the leadership was also endemic among CHARSIU (Chinese Heavenly Association for Race, Sense, Intelligence and Unity) members who knew well the old Chinese maxim, ‘dead fish lot in the head flirst’.

Suddenly, the nation has a new Premier, seemingly a voice of moderation in a world of suicide bombers (unwittingly referred to as Suicide Protestors by the fundamentalist press) and the battle begins for transparency, accountability and an equitable share of the nasi kandar.

The Premier is secretly supported by young, shadowy Hairy Plotter the Silly (Son-In-Law, Lawyerburok and Yuppy) the nation's richest permanently unemployed billionaire-Havoxbridge grad, and his young and brylcreamed Yuppy Puppy Knights of the Nasi Lemak Wooden Table who all had triple degrees and had learnt their bag of tricks from the awfleh good HavOxBridge School of Oriental & White Magic.


Total chaos ensues when the imprisoned old knight, Sir Abim Obama, who graduated from the MC Hammer College of High Energy Dancing, wins his appeal against charges of copyright infringement of 'Sodo Mee' brand instant noodles, and is released from prison. Sir Abim rides out from the Kingdom of Pantang Red Bean & Kaya Pauh (certified kosher by HDC - Halal Donedeal Corp) and vows to liberate the nation from the hegemony of the Krisis 2020 Warlords.

Another epic battle takes place. There are many twists and turns and a surprise ending that will shock and shake the old-world order.

There, I am tempted to give away the ending, but, no!! Go, see the movie. Whatever the ending, you will be entertained, you have my grantee. There is something for everyone.’

Starring An All Malaysian Cast With Our Very Own:-


Krisis Krisistofferson in the lead male role of Frodo Bagasi
Krisis Labax Damayanti in the lead feminine role of Queen Sir Galahadriel
Latok Jeans Shams Din as GandHalfbreed The Look East But Export West Magician
Patrice Niamah Twinkle Toes ex-DJ as the cool and swingin 45 RPM Merry Go Around
Joe Hashish Assasin as the gruel Sam Porridgeways Kanjee
Syed Nasir Lemak as Nasi Gottum
Latin Labax Michael Yeoh, star of the hit movie, ‘Squatting Toilet, Flushing Meadows’ as The Elvian Queen Eeoow Win James Bond
Bentong Kali as Saturaman, The Dark Lord (nominated for posthumous Oscar for best supporting actor who is also a dead convicted criminal)
Mano A Mano as the Magnum4D PI Kelang Hitman, Goodtime Blackman
Jalil-ud-Din Hassle-em Omar Sheriff as the Million Dollar Chief Inspector General of the Naz Gul
Rahim Omar Burns, ex-IGPas Seteruon, Dark Eye of the Ring
Latok Rahim Razaleigh Bicycles as As Anotherthorn Among the Roses s/o Alreadygone
Latok Money Jaguarsonas as Master Archer & Olympics 100 metre sprinter Last-o-leg-o-las
Nicolemin Kid-U-Not Yusoff ex-DJ as Naz Gul bit of bird on the side
Faridah American as the token American

Magoo Kojak Jessica Alba as the Jedi who fails to defend Mick Jagger's Bianca
The 3-Krisis as themselves

And many other local stars in various supporting roles, with cameo appearance by our very own Jedi Master Planner of The Realm for Krisis and Higher, Lower and anything in-between Learning, Lord Hussain Alakazam Hashim Alakazoom, affectionately known as Lord Ha Ha, as laughing Main Krisis Waver in the 9/11/451 World Trade Centre Scene - Act 2, Scene I.

Songs & Lyrics by:-

‘My Way Only Way’Acapella by ex-Chief Jedi Master Planner of The Realm, Tak Bajet
Your Way Not My Way’Duet by Labax City Nurhalfaliza & Tak Bajet
Both Ways’ by Dee Jay Dev Anand Kapak Singh
'Anyhow Oso Can Way One’ by Dato Peh Yang Ting, affectionately known as PYT or Tai Kor, leader of CHARSIU
Bad Hair Day Way’ by Wigneswaran Vetrivadivel s/o Puli Kottai, (affectionately known as ‘Wigs’), leader of Kesatuan Alam Liga India Neopolitik Ganga Arya (KALINGA)
‘Turbanator Way’ by Arnold Schwartzkorpf Kapak Singh
‘I’ll Be Back Way’ by Azizah Ash Burn
‘Make My Day, Punk Way’ by Latin rAPidriflefire, MP for Kuala KIint Timorkayu

The sequel to Lord of The 3 Krisis, entitled the 3-Krisis Lion Pura Pura Go South, scheduled for Xmas 2008 release stars:-

Hermit PCK Singh as Gandhalfbreed, best magician in Lioncity & JB
Woody Goh Harrelson as Barry Pap, the middle-aged Dragon King
Roti Brata Nathan as President Rose-among-the Arathorn
Dirty Harry Lee as Chief Pap DragonTormentor and Terminator, the Old Confused Magician
Zooey Teh Tarik as Mrs Barry Ho Pap, CEO of Tamakshitbitbybitshit Holdings and wife of Barry Pap
Coomar as Princess Lagaylast
Anthony Brylcream Tan as Chairman of Casi,...no, Integrated Resorts Holdings, known in short as Casiresortopolis
George Yeoh Wynn as the dicey Joseph Gambanana, CEO of Casi, … no Integrated Resorts Holdings, known in short as Casiresortopolis
Michelle Yeoh Wynn as Chief of Security at Casi,....no, Integrated Resorts Holdings, known in short as Casiresortopolis

And many other Lion Cityzens.

The prequel to Lord of the Three Krisisi, entitled the 3-Krisis Bunga Mas Goes North, has not completed recruitment of all key stars, but some names are available:-

Shin What The Hell as The King of Manchester Footbhol Club
Shin up the creek with no oars as the now ousted ex-Mahadarthvader and mole for Tamakshitbitbybitshit Resorts Holdings of Lion City
Anat Ratupthepole as the fast moving young Gollum
Chulalongpopcornsoda Amaized Suravud as Jagung Kampung
Tok Guru Nikolas Aziz as leader of the southern fundamentalist insurgents fighting for the right to return Bunga Mas Land to the Palestinians

And many others to be announced.

donplaypuks® with my new deal man!!

04/08/2008

NEW KEPO SAYANG BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS AT CRACKING PACE


by jeff bridges
donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for bridges & tunnels affairs








or the art of the directly negotiated non-tendered out EMU contract-Part 2

ONE FINE SATURDAY MORNING AT 9 A.M. AT THE LAUNCHING OF THE NEW KEPO SAYANG BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS

‘I yam really proud to yannounce to the nation the combletion of this major $250 million bridge project. For yall you yestablishment bashers ovut there, yere yis solid proof of vhat ve, from the coalition, can yachieve. Now let us see you open youver mouth in criticism,’ challenged Sir Wigneswaran Vetrichicken65varuval A/L P.Kottai, (affectionately known as ‘Wigs’), in-charge Jedi Master Planner of The Realm for Engineering and leader of Kesatuan Alam Liga India Neopolitik Ganga Arya (KALINGA)

Read my lips. Here is a landmark construction that vill last a hundred year…'

CRRRRAAACCCCKKKK!!CRRRRAAACCCKKKK!CRRRRAAACCCKKKK!

‘Ayo, Amma Thayei, Ganesha, Muruga, Siva!! Sishya, what the hell was that?’

‘Sorry, Sir Thalaiva (Great Leader), too much dhal, vindaloo curry and Soora last night, Sir.’

‘Mundam! (Idiot!) I meant that terrible cracking sound.’

‘Mannava (Your Majesty), I see some cracks on the bridge, Sir.’

‘Sishya (My assistant), let’s take a closer look. Aah, just yas I suspected, I can see yit clearly with my trained-yengineer’s eyes, you know? Some minor hair-line cracks. Can be fixed with some super glue quickly, don you think, Sir Zane Zinizanadane, Jedi Chairman of Ministry of Verks & Don Verks? Definitely nothing to do with poor design workmanship or concrete, I can see that.
Good to have trained-yengineer’s eyes, you yagree?’

‘Well, as Jedi Chairman who has to travel dunia zanazini, I mean sana sini (here & there), I think it is betther we gets a second opinion, since we both need to get at the bald facts. Let’s refer thu CEO & HavOxBridge triple-degree graduate, Latok Terbang Atas Wan Dollah.

‘Well, as CEO, I don follow the specifics of each of thousands of public projeks, so, we’ll have to ask my deputy CEO and Federal Director, Latok Ir. J. Amba Tan.’

‘We’ll, as Deputy CEO, I am only involved in national planning. I’m afraid you’ll have to refer to Project Director, Ir. Jin Jang Jho. This comes directly under his portfolio.’

‘Well, as Project Director, I can’t be hands-on as it were, as I have many projects to oversee.It’s best that we question the Project Manager, Ir. Poor Palam. This project is under his purview.’

‘Well, as Project Manager, I have to rely on site supervision reports. I have spoken to Site Engineer, Ir. Koi Thandam Sambalamoorthy, who has interrogated site-clerk-of-verks, Yanai Komalamlingam Yeli. He says the Con-saltan Engineers - Mouse, Shams & Zedone HavOxBridge Engineers- had approved all design drawings and Certificate of Fitness.’

‘Well, just as I suspected. We yave questioned yall the usuval suspects, and our thothalli yindependent yinquiry reveals that for sure, no von yis to blamed. Now there will be no need to butt yanyone’s heads. No need to refer to OCA (Oso Corrup Association). Not for nothing yam I the Master Jedi Planner!!’

‘What about the contractor, Sir? Must be his fault. Let’s call up the KorpoRat Kepten MD of RoadMudaEarthGameOverDisunited Engineers Plc, and let them in on the bad news.’

‘You mean, Latok Long Gong Sea, owner & MD of Syarikat Usaha Chepat Kaya Shaitan (SUCKS), don you?’ Remember, RoadMudaEarth… 100 %sub-con…to…?’

‘Oh yes, yes, I remember now. Lets’ call him now.’

Wei, who this ah?’

‘Wigs here, Latok Gong.’

‘This no Latok Long Gong Sea leh, this he son, Long Yang Sea. Latok no more in KL, now letire in PRC mah. Wai you corr, can happyu?’

‘Problems vith the Kepo Sayang Bridge, my fren, many cracks.’

‘So what lor, not my pobbum?’

‘Must carry yout repairs, lottov of money.’

‘Solly lor. We oreddy crose the company, now under riquidation. Orr director orr lesign stlaightaway, letire in Shanghai, mah. Tai Kor Si Fu Papa weak hut, got medicur certificate, cannot traver oversea. So solly.Bye.’

‘Bloody hell, now what do we do, Sir?’

‘First let me yassess the damage. Sishya, come here! How many cracks?’


‘Thalaiva (My Leader), 7 cracks, Sir.’

‘Onnum onnum (1+ 1) ?’ Three, Mannava, Sir.’ ‘Munrum munrum (3 + 3)?‘ Seven, Thalaiva, Sir. Plus 5%, round up Sir? ‘That’s right, seven cracks, 8 million laddoos. That vill be the budget. Good to yave engineer’s training, no? Gormen vill have to pay first.

‘Let’s call in new Con-saltans. Get me Sir Robert Hoodlum, Chairman & MD of Holcroft Con-venant & Con-saltans.

‘Hello!! Who the bloody hell is this? I’m on holiday in Tahiti for godsakes!! Can’t you see I need to re-charge my batteries?’

‘It’s Wigs here, Sir Rob. Yenjoying youverself are you? Ha, ha. Well, I yave an yemergency yindependent con-sultant’s job here for you, 8 million laddoos.

‘Ah, my dear friend Wigs, wondered who it was. You should have accepted my yin.., er, my invitation to party here. You must try the 3-way South Sea-Hawaii-Fiji sauna and massage – sensational, old boy !!

For old times sake, I will send my son, Sir Robin Hoodlum together with his merry men, to personally handle and monitor the project. Ta, now!

CRRRRAAACCCCKKKK!!CRRRRAAACCCKKKK!CRRRRAAACCCCKKKK CRRRRAAACCCCKKKK!!CRRRRAAACCCKKKK!CRRRRAAACCCCKKKK

What the motherf…..ghell was that, Wigs, old fart? For heaven’s sake cut down on the Vindaloo, I can smell it through the phone!! You have to have control, at your age.’

‘No Sir Rob, more cracks on the bridge. Let me see, another 26, so that’s 35 yin total. The contract cost vill yave to be increased to, let me see., Alu + 26 (7+26)…40, mmm....integral of the differential, Fibonacci numbers,…oh ama (oh yes)…quantum fractals, etc etc… oh yes, got yit… 47. Plus vover-riding comm.., er, no, new liaison consultancy – 3 for Syarikat Handal Ambil Durian Yummy (SHADY) of Soonkayagaya Seaphut District. And of course, two for us, 1 for them policy must be strictly adhered to.

It’s 75.108 million laddoos, Sir Rob. I yadded yin the yextra $.108 for yindian good luck numberr. Should we perhaps yincrease contract cost to$ 108 million for yeven betterr good luck? Hmmm, will yave to think yabout it! Also, I yexpect youver report within a week. Don forget, yin yassessing the previous con-tractor’s and con-saltan’s verk ve need ‘Chunam Didgerrydoo 555 Cheroot’ opinion. Bye.

Then ve vill see yabout recovering from the Main-con and sub-con, yinitiate yaction against wall directors, by 2020, by which time they vill wall have hopefully disapp.., er no, dispaired of their bad, bad, naughty, naughty ways.

Now, Sishya, and Sir Zizou, let’s get moving. At Cracking Pace, as it were! Ha, ha!’

To Tahiti? Yes, Thailaiva, right away, Sir.’
donplaypuks® with my bridging finance man!!

Some Yindian and other terms yexplained:

Amma - mother
Chunam - lime paste used for chewing with betel leaf and for white paint
Dhal - lentil curry
Didgerrydoo - australian aborigine wooden wind-pipe musical instrument
555 - a brand of cheroot popular I the 60’s to the ‘70’s
Koi Thandam - good-for-nothing
Komalam - loin cloth
Laddoo - round sweet cake
Lingam - phallic symbol representing the God Shiva
Mannava - king/your majesty
Mundam - idiot
Palam - bridge
Sambalam - salary
Sishya - assistant (to a guru)
Soora - a popular brand of bottled toddy
Vindaloo - an Indian hot curry popular in UK
Yanai - elephant
Yeli - mouse
Thalaiva - leader
Thayei - mother