by inspector cid singaram segar
sherlock poirot charlie chan, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for dick’s
(click on pic for enlarged view)
Robocop 1 Trailer
The sudden shrill blast of the Global Doomsday Siren caused many to rush with perforated and bleeding tympanic membranes (ear drums) to their ENT specialist. All over the world! On all five continents!
It was the non-military equivalent of a Defcon 1 (defence readiness alert) Global Alert. Armageddon beckoned!
In Washington DC, Obama picked up the green phone and barked down the line, “It’s not the Tipping Point is it? The last blue whale, it’s gone hasn’t it? I’ll nuke the Commies to Mars!” #1
“No sir,” said Leif Ericson of Greenpeace,“the whales survive, thank God! We’ve managed to hound the Ruskies, Norgies and Jappies to keep to within their whale ‘Scientific and R&D Research’ slaughter quota for now.
A minute later it was Brown from London. The Canadian swine, it’s my lovely seal pups, aintcher? The bastards, they’ve culled them all aven’t they? Bloody savages!” he wept.
“No sir, the pups are safe this year. The demand for seal fur has dropped in the wake of the global downturn while fish harvests have been better than in previous years,”
“Non, non, non! Mon dieu! Zey av not sushied and teppanyakied my betiful porpy et dolphy in Taiji, ze frikking kamikaze banzai, av zey? Zey should av dropped ze bomb atom nembair troi on Tokyo!” cursed Sarkozy in Paris, as he swallowed his hors d’oeuvres of snails and frogs legs and for the entree ordered a whole workhorse steak, rare, with extra garlic, onions and blood topped with E1,000 per gram pig snout dug up truffles, hold the goddamn freedom fries please!
Thankfully, the porpoises and dolphins would flourish for another year despite the global slaughter.
Taro Assho could not be contacted in Tokyo. Apparently he was breakfasting on the last squid and last baby eel garnished with the last sea weed and the last sea cucumber.....
But most of the endangered species were not extinct. Yet! Even the Backbenchers’ Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) of Sarawak and Blooperburger Agency had no Breaking News on what it could be nor could Google Earth spy anything unusual happening on the planet.
The breakthrough came from of all places Tel Aviv, the foreign capital of America. The Mossad had picked up the blurb from Apanama Agency of Glocal Bolehland (GB, a country in the near Far East), and boy, was it a humdinger.
After all, GB’s Defence Minister Dr.Asmad Zero PhD, had only the week before announced at a press conference, of a secret meeting (no photography was allowed) with his Israeli counterpart Ehud Netanyahu Osama (later amended ina 'Corretcion Statenemt' by Skyscraper Prince, GB’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs HQ, as Benjamin Barak Obama) to discuss kosher food and bagel franchises to be managed by Kosher Industry and Doughnut Development In New Gentile (KIDDING) Ltd., a subsidiary of MinDeaf of GB. The Israelis had quaked in their kosher boots when warned by GB’s Zero PhD, ‘Do not practice double standards and you’d better recognise Palestine tomorrow. No! Today, you got that!’ That's telling 'em!
Apparently, KIDDING would use the staff and services of GB’s Kosher Agency for certification, but all the revenue and profits would go to KIDDING’s MD, KJ Sil Baginda, a triple degree HavOxBridge graduate and lecherer at Trinity College. KJ Sil Baginda was also GB’s youngest and richest unemployed/unemployable member of The Ruling Elite! The Israeli deal was hailed as a breakthrough in new global economics!
Israel News Agency, Cosher National News (CNN), highlighted an Apanama Agency report that the Global Doomsday Siren had been triggered off by the death of the Last Honest Enforificer (LHE) on Planet Earth, in GB. So as not to be trapped by racist sentiments, LHE’s remains were buried in a $500 million ‘Tomb of the Unknown Last Honest Enforificer’ in Koala Bare, capital of GB. The directly negotiated transparently open (but shut) contract for the $500 million tomb had also been awarded to KJ Sil Baginda's KIDDINGRusCoffins, in line with new global economics, by GB’s 65% day old leader, PM Maharosemajib, who had an Ecolack suitcase full of thousands of instant goodies and 70 billion $ of bearer bonds, to appease the peasants.
Specially trained elite enforificers are still investigating the cause of LHE’s death and have moved with lightning like rapidity in sealing off the premises of the death, three days after the event. LHE is suspected of having thrown himself out the 14th floor windows of the offices of GB Association for Cows and Cars (GBACC) where he had gone to assist their enforificers in some inquiries regarding missing bull manure and farm boundary flags.
The Chief Palm Oil investigating enforificer in the LHE case today confirmed the death would be classified as ‘sudden suicide’ which pre-existing condition could not be detected in 100% of young males of LHE’s race by any known or unknown medical examination of the dead body by any known or unknown pathologist. Suicide was logically suspected as the main cause of death as LHE was due to be married the next day and his wife had earlier broken the news she was expecting a baby. However, CPO confirmed he could not entirely rule out fowl play due to the smell of rotten eggs in the 14th floor offices of GBACC.
When asked why LHE had not returned home after concluding his meeting at the GBACC offices in the wee hours of the morning, CPO Investigating Enforificer said that LHE had apparently expressed pronounced interest in the 22nd century futuristic architecture of the windows of GBACC and may have ventured on to the window ledge for a closer examination for several hours.
Bumno bloggers, MSM, CPO and Law Minister Nazi warned the public not to politicise LHE’s death even though LHE was a political secretary to a State Councillor and politician and had been called in for questioning in a financial matter related to a political party. “Do not politicise political matters even if they are of a political nature!” warned Nazi.
Meanwhile, in downtown Koala Bare, rabid racist communists had stood shoulder to shoulder in protest at LHE’s ‘sudden suicide’ and had vociferously demanded a Royal Commission of Inquiry (RCI) look into the matter immediately.
Attorney General Ganesh Patel, when asked about a RCI, replied that it was an ‘open and shut window sudden suicide case’ and by that token, an RCI would be redundant. When asked about the 4 month delay in ‘prosecution within 1 month, I swear on mother’s grave’ over the sudden death in Enforificers’ custody of A.Coogie, a suspected car thief but surely guilty one, Ganesh confirmed it was a ‘shut’ case and that his own lovely mother was still alive.
When pressed about the RCI on the Judiciary and about how witnesses had given sworn testimony of corruption involving a former Chief Justice and there was still no prosecution after a year, AG Ganesh Patel expressed anger and said,
“We are seriously looking into the matter! 2 or 3 or 1,000 swallows do not make a summer. Sworn testimonies in an open RCI mean nothing. We need solid proof, confessions, sudden suic.., er no, I mean there’s no instant success. The case is open but not shut. Soon we will take action. Watch and see. Perhaps sooner than you doubters think, why 2020 is not that far...isn’t it?”
With the death of the Last Honest Enforificer on Planet Earth, PM Maharosemajib unveiled his Plan B for Local and Glocal Law and Order. It was the trillion $ MAHA GLOCAL ROBOCOP (MGR), a futuristic Tuborg drinking High Definition Cyborg Super Cop Terminator, one of which could do the work of a 100 human enforificers.
MGR prototypes were first developed in BG’s Top, Top Secret Glocalintranet Roboticsjaya Centre near Kollywood in Tamilnadu, by, of course KJ Sil Baginda’s ubiquitous KIDDING AI Technology Ltd. KIDDING AIT had been awarded the 2020 years pay and pay cost pass on contract for MGR’s design, commission, operation and maintenance through exclusive transparently open (but shut) direct negotiations, the terms and conditions of which could not be revealed. For national and glocal security reasons, the $ Trillion contract was classified under OSIBSA (Official Secrets, Intelligence, Banking and Internal Security Act).
MGR was a major improvement over the Israeli Infiltrator ‘Golda Meir’ search and destroy models that used rubber skin or living tissue over a metallic endoskeleton. MGR was made of mimetic poly Teflon (nothing sticks to it) alloy or "liquid metal" and could deform and take any shape it touched. The mimetic poly Teflon alloy was poured into a massive machine press that fills floor to ceiling. Feeder pipes emerging from the walls and centering on the press like a hub, poured the mimetic poly Teflon alloy between two 20-ton plates. These plates were then hydraulically pressed together and met, forming the indentation of a man. The mimetic poly Teflon alloy then filled this indentation and solidified, setting its default molecular nanotechnology structure.
MGR’s world renown by-line was “Please, put down your weapon. Your move, creep! You have twenty seconds to comply or you will really believe you can fly from the 14th floor window! OR, I may make you dance between the trees and bushes to the tune of a Tamil pop song of the '60's or worse still, disco line-dance with a group of Tamil college kids to the tune of 'Saturday Night Fever'! ”
MGR 1 was revealed to the world with a $100 million budget (awarded to PR & Media company KIDDING Fox Ethos Pathos Aramis Consultants, through transparently open but shut direct negotiations) ceremony on national mega loss making TV Semua Tak Mahu 1 & 2. Following this mega glocal event, PM Maharosemajib revealed the Govt had been contacted by the Mafia, Medellin Cartel, 08 Triads and Chin Peng seeking truce and honourable surrender terms.
Elsewhere, Ong Gua Ta Kut, leader of ChineseRfourOfUs Party, denied there was any rumour to the truth that the 08 Triads were involved in the $12.5 billion financial scandal at Free Trade Port Deep Shit No Chief Zone. Ong Gua Ta Kut claimed the full audit reports with vestigial appendicitis had been submitted to Parliament to be distributed without restriction to all MP’s by the later of 2020 and Armageddon! “I am not afraid of threats by subversive terrorist elements in our society. I will do my duty. I will not be intimidated. If you challien or treaten me, I will get Maha Glocal Robocop to visit and make you an offer you cannot lefuse lor! Lemember ah, fish lot in the head first! Tiew bor?” OGTK lashed out.
donplaypuks® with law & order, man!
#1 Tipping Point – when global pollution becomes irreversible
"I cannot change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination" - Jimmy Dean.
It is indeed with a sad heart that I read about Yusof leaving us this morning, coming as it does hardly a week after his mother had passed away.
I got to know Yusof over the last couple of years through our common interest in blogging and politics. I enjoyed his company at teh tarik Tuesdays in Central Market with Desi and as co-committe member of BUM 2009. We were all due to meet up next week with Rocky to pursue the registration of BUM.
This was a man of great intelligence, integrity and surprisingly sharp wit. But, most of all I admired him for his tenacity in pursuing and exposing the scandal at PKFZ.
He had served the nation well for many years with great honour and distinction. His family must be justifiably proud of this MAN of great stature.
Commiserations to his wife and children. A good soul has left us for better shores. We shall miss him dearly.
Two days ago, I did not know Teoh Beng Hock existed.
But when a young man in the full flower of youth dies suddenly under mysterious and suspicious circumstances, you have to care. More so, when he was last seen in the custody of officers of the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) and he was planning to register his marriage today!
I have already posted in several blogs about the various gaps, contradictions and plain lack of logic in statements made by the MACC leading to the authorities classifying this case, for the moment, as "sudden death" (whether of natural causes or foul, remains to be seen) and possible suicide.
Some issues however need to be ventilated:-
1. Teoh was called up by the MACC to provide information on their investigations into Pakatan Aduns' usage of budget allocations for community projects. He was not a suspect in any wrong doings. So, why was he interrogated continuously from 6 p.m. til 3.45 a.m.?
2. How logical is that after being released from interrogation he would want to "sleep" on a couch in the 11th Floor lobby of MACC HQ at Plaza Masalam in Shah Alam from 3.45 a.m. till 6.30 a.m.? A normal person would have immediately phoned his fiance, buddy, brother, father, mother or lawyer to take him home, pronto! And, his own car was still parked at Plaza Masalam! Did the MACC release Teoh's handphone to him?
3. Again, a guy who is due to register his wedding the next day would not exactly hang around the pantry at the MACC if he had been released from interrogation at 3.45 a.m. would he? I mean it's not as though that pantry and office are architectural extravaganzas constituting the 8th Wonder of the World that Teoh would have wanted a free unguided tour of MACC's office premises, would he? What would anyone's urgency be when due to wed the next day? To run to be in the arms of one's fiance or loiter in the offices of one's interrogators? The explanation by MACC of events between 3.45 a.m. and 6.30 a.m. does not gel!!
4. The MACC has offered no explanation as to what happened to Teoh between 6.30 a.m. and 1.30 p.m. when his dead body was discovered on the roof of the 5-storeyed buiding adjacent to PLaza Masalam, by a cleaner.
This is a crucial gap in Teoh's movements. Is it remotely conceivable that Teoh got up at say, 6.31 a.m., and then wondered around Plaza Masalam without anyone from MACC or other offices, noticing his movements? I mean this was a normal working day and Plaza Masalam is a shopping mall which also houses a branch of the National Registration Department. By 9 a.m., scores of people would have been milling about the Plaza, having breakfast in MacDonalds and in the coffee shops in the commercial areas surrounding Plaza Masalam. Not a soul noticed anything in broad daylight?
4. Photos of the corpse show a torn pants back pocket. I believe this is a very important clue as to what happened. Tears at the back of a dead person's pants do not normally occur unless ripped off from behind by someone; ripped off when a struggle takes place. It's unlikely there were chairs or tables with protruding nails, screws or hooks in the MACC interrogation room to to cause such a tear in Teoh's pants that he decided to throw himself out the windows of the room, in abject shame!
5. There also appears to be no blood on the floor where Teoh's body was found. It normally takes several hours for the blood to pool to the lower parts of a dead body and cause the familiar purplish red discolouration (post mortem lividity) and for rigor mortis (body stiffening) to set in. Thus no blood at the scene of the death suggests the Teoh may have passed away several hours earlier at some other location!
When all is said and done, PM Najib cannot distance himself from this death and leave it to the bumbling and bungling Nazri's and Muhyudin; not if he really believes in his own clarion call for 1 Malaysia. The PEOPLE's confidence in the relevant authorities is now at an all time low and they do not believe that either the TRUTH will emerge or justice prevail if left to 'normal' procedures!
Thus the only way out for the PM will be to set up a truly independent Royal Commission of Inquiry into this death of a truly innocent child of God. But then again, in recent years we have had 2 Royal Commissions of Inquiry, one on the setting up of a Police Complaints Commission and another on corruption in the Judiciary. No action has been taken to-date on the findings and recommendations of these 2 RCI's which is a slap in the face for our King! So, whither Justice?
So, I dedicate this to a young man I never knew and whose death shall not be in vain:
Journey of Hearts A Healing Place in CyberSpace
by Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS
I find an old photograph
and see your smile.
As I feel your presence anew,
I am filled with warmth
and my heart remembers love.
I remember who you used to be
the laughter we shared
and wonder what you have become.
Where are you now,
Where did you go,
When the body is left behind
and the spirit is released to fly?
Perhaps you are the morning bird
singing joyfully at sunrise,
or the butterfly that dances
so carelessly on the breeze
or the rainbow of colors
that brightens a stormy sky
or the fingers of afternoon mist
delicately reaching over the mountains
or the final few rays of the setting sun
lighting up the skies
edging the clouds with a magical glow.
I miss your being
but I feel your presence,
In whatever form you choose to take,
however you now choose to be.
Your spirit has become for me
a guardian angel on high
guiding, advising, and watching over me.
I remember you.
You are with me
and I am not afraid.
If you don't believe it, go take a look at http://wengerkhairy.blogspot.com/2009/07/win-is-vital-tomorrow.html comments box.
So, the score is Pakatan 4, Najib/UMNO/BN 1. That's an 80% failure rate by PM Najib to win at recent by-elections.
And you still believe in that spin by the Merdeka Centre & the MSM of 65% ratings? And sharks can fly, it don't rain in Indianapolis in the summer time and Mother Goose is no nursery rhyme?
Heh, heh, heh and Muahaha to you too!
The PEOPLE will not be fooled by 11 or 12 or 100 goodies, coming as they do from our own pockets! We want the truth, we want equality and justice for all, and we want 1 Citizenship, 1 Malaysia.
I dare them to dissolve the Perak State Assembly and call for fresh elections there. Do you have the cojones you spinners? It's not what you want. It's what the PEOPLE want, that counts!
Amd while we are at it, let's have a National Referendum on the teaching of English Language and Literature and the teaching of Science & Maths in English. Let us here what PARENTS want for their children, not what MsEducatedMinstrel@gov.con and ultra right wing rabid self-appointed fake patriots force upon the majority.
Don't believe me again?
Go take a look at Dr.Mahathir's blog and voting on this issue by the general public at http://chedet.co.cc/chedetblog/. As of now, 77,700 out of 90,095 or 86% do not agree with the Education Minister, PM Najib, the Cabinet, Gapena or whoever else put a gun to the Government's head!
Enough is enough!
We Are All of 1 Race, The Human Race!
And that is all that matters!
donplaypuks with our childrens' education, man!!
by sirul azilah altantuya baginda (saab), donplaypuks® intrepid corresponent for administration and maintenance of francophile and enophile (*1) affairs in la paris
Hot on the heels of news of the successful signing of the $5 billion order for submarines between Malaysia and France, there emerged breaking news of further commercial joint-ventures between French and Malaysian parties.
The Duc de Scorpeneis, speaking fom his Chatuea D’if in the south of France, announced the incorporation of Wines Internationale Nouveau Organisma or WINO in off-shore Labuan, for a joint-venture with Glocal Malaysian entrepreneur, Latok Ali Baba Kian Tee, for the world-wide distribution of made-in-Malaysia world-class wines.
Saab was able to secure copies of WINO’s international catalogue at a secret exclusive wine-tasting cum french-cuisine (frog-legs, snails, force-fed enlarged goose liver and horse-steak) bash hosted by the Duc de Scorpeneis and the Duchess de Mercedes at Labuan’s premier 6-star hotel, the Palais du Monte Cristo
We are proud to present below WINO’s 2008 magnificent range of wines from their 'Boulanger Douxain de Malaise’ special collection or ‘The Baker’s Dozen from Malaysia’.
* 1 enophile – wine lover
chateau grande casino royale malaysia @ today
a brave full-bodied wine of pure royal blue vintage. delivered by post, wrapped in brown envelope with certicate of authenticity verified by SD.
over-priced for its vintage. personally recommended by self-proclaimed retired benevolent dictator & expert wine-taster contactable at email@example.com
do not hesitate! jais whip an email order to:
ps while stocks last & limited to all days ending with the letter ‘y’.
winery is on the verge of financial collapse with no shareholders or bidders. Email to firstname.lastname@example.org to get at all the bald facts
a cunningly blended bubbly using the same old well-known 3-spices flavouring that unfortunately leaves an insipid taste on the palate as it illegally attempts to create a right royal hip hopping party circus ambience that backfires on the master blender suspected to be the lady who wears the pants in the winery!
FIC approval no longer required for this collectors’ item for all Mongolians or anyone with the name Alt...er, oops, can't say that name, we mean that blackmailing chinese bitch aminah baginda or special items costing upwards of $20 million a bottle!
donplaypuks® with my wine & champagnes man! ALL READERS, PLEASE WRITE IN WITH YOUR FAVOURITE 'MALAYSIAN' W(H)INE!