by maddaya prof the importance of being earnest ruddyford, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for scientific, boffin and god particle affairs
pink panther 'I would like to buy a hamburger'
The Lord God Proton Sir Ernest Rutherford International Foundation, renown globally as RIF, today issued an ultimatum to the world through its Apanama News Agency Limited (ANAL). RIF claimed Exclusive Usage Rights as Creators and Originators and demanded a universal BAN on the usage of the word “PROTON” in spoken, written, print, electronic AND telepathetic media unless authorized explicitly in writing by RIF.
RIF threatened legal action against all riff raff who used the “Pee” word without formal conversion and agreement to RIF’s membership, its terms and unquestioned, undebated and unread acceptance of the Foundation’s Constitution written in ANZ Speak.
ANZ Speak, not unlike Down Under Speak, consists, among other peculiarities, of adding ‘o’ and ‘e’ and omitting ‘a’ wherever possible to create words like “loike”, “hoike”, “noine”, “rine”, “gine” and “pline”, “die” and “mite” so as to trill loike beautiful heavenly nightingales:
“The effin poofy dago faarmers are the blardy blighters who gine from the rine in Spine which folls minely on the dago plines. Ditto for the bleedin’ whingein’ Poms. G’die mite!” Meaning in boring old English,
“The fucking homosexual sodomite Spanish farmers are the bloody blighters who gain from the rain in Spain which falls mainly on the low class Spanish plains. Ditto for the perennially complaining English. Good day, mate!”
RIF’s terms of usage of the ‘Pee” word were further subject to non-negotiable and unconditional payment of ROYALTY at the rate of 10 Euro cents or equivalent 999 pure gold by Unconverted Members every time they used or thought of it! USA currency was no longer acceptable. RIF recognised a worthless note when it saw one. Converted members, RIFFERS, are entitled to 50% discount plus Big Bang Loyalty Card with Frequent Positive Radiating Points redeemable against hotel and F&B expenses whenever they visit Holy CERN, the home of the world’s leading boffins, in Geneva, Switzerland!!
Here are excerpts from RIF’s Constitution:
“When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary to .......
....We loike hold these truths to be self evident....that all particles are begat loike equal with their opposite particle...that among these are, but not limited to, the electron, positron, proton, antiproton, neutron, antineutron, leptons, quarks, matter, antimatter....and the inalienable liberty to pursue the God particle or Higgs boson to prove the Big Bang
Theory Hypothesis and Grand Unification Theory Hypothesis (GUH). In thy pursuit thou mayest use the Small or Large Hadron Collider (LHC). But should thou be careless or fail, thy Lord God Proton shall verily smoiteth thee with the loikes of a nuclear loike explosion or unleash Dan Hash Brown who will breakfast on you unbelievers during End of Days....For what shall it profiteth a man to gine the whole world todie and lose his soul tomorrow?....
....As all humans will/should/must be aware, the Proton, the positively charged particle foundeth in the nucleus of every atom in this Universe, was discovered in 1918 by our founder, Lord God Proton Sir Ernest Rutherford. More than that, it was our Lord God Proton Sir Ernest Rutherford who coined the word Proton meaning “First” from “Proteios” which is Greek to all of us.
....We humbly concede the mighty Atom and Proton existed before the discovery of the Proton in 1918 by our Lord God Proton Ernest Rutherford. However, it did not have a specific reference word, Proton, before 1918 to refer to that single undifferentiated positively charged particle....
....We therefore declareth sole proprietorship and usage of Proton regardless of its universal usage by the international
scientific boffin community, other pagans and unbelievers. We also declare our inalienable right to align ourselves to the universal band of brothers of Anura or frogs in the well...."
RIF has threatened to shortly forward a legal Letter of Demand to Proton Motor in the Far East for arrears of Royalty of Euro 60 billion plus compound interest computed on nanosecond rest (using a nano $2 casio solar powered calculator) at 8% per annum backdated to 1918, failing prompt payment of which shall result in bankruptcy and Chapter 11 proceedings under the Companies Act....
In an instant snap reaction to the torching of several RIF Proton holy science labs valued at a billion $, PM 6 Star General (retd) Rosemajib, speaking in Chennai, India to the wives, husbands and children of 30,000-40,000 Indian tourists gone AWOL in his home country, declared:
“ It is a minor aberration.”
He further reiterated there was nothing he or his Home Minister, the piss-mooting Kerismudin, could do if RIF members gathered in thousands at their holy science labs to protest in support of their declaration. It was not loike they were serious national security threatening candle light vigils organized by a dozen old ladies in wheelchairs or push walking zimmer frames, when OSIBISA (Official Secrets, Insurance, Banking and Internal Security Act) could be invoked like sledgehammer to a fly and the participants arrested and incarcerated “for their own safety!!??” was it?
Elsewhere, Proton Motor founder and Wira Ex-Chief Sith Jedi Master Planner of the Realm, Rama Maha Firaun Tak Bajet the 1st, who is to to international diplomacy, race, religious and peace relations what Inspector Clouseau is to sophisticated, classy detective work and sleuthing, was his usual acerbic and bigoted self:
“This apanama Proton thing, it’s all a thothal joke! Has anyone, including Rutherford, ever really seen a Lord God Proton or Electron or Quark particle? Ask them to hold 1 single Proton particle in the palm of their hands so the whole world can see it. It’s all a fake. Like the Moon Landing, Apollo 13, 9/11, Suria Twin Towers, London and Bombay terrorists and suicide bombers and Avatar– movies shot in Hollywood, Pinewood, Bollywood and Tigerwoods studios. All computer scanned, created and enhanced. Loike Dolly Parton’s 10 kg, massive, boo.., er, pectorals and Agassi’s or Michael Bolton’s long hair. Fake!
Unlike international car tzar thief Kugan’s self-inflicted internal kidney injuries, $2.4 billion $ fraudster ‘Bernie Madhoff’ TBH’s sudden suicide fall and actress Sujatha Velu’s suicide death by voluntary imbibation of poisonous kumquat juice! The Opposition has lied to you! They are all still alive in Tel Aviv, Israel as are Elvis, Buddy Holly, John F Kennedy, Osama and Michael Jackson!
Holocaust? 6 million Jews disappeared overnight? You think Hitler with his 180 IQ didn’t know how to start a Genocide and finish the job? It failed as a final solution didn’t it? He left millions of them alive who were only fit for ghettoes so they could hoodwink the British and steal Jerusalem from the Palestinians, didn’t Hitler, that great gift and benefactor to humankind?
Let me tell you the kind of rubbish these Lord God Proton followers indulge in. They say there are fermions and bosons. Next there are Pamela Anderson's bosoms! Then there are tachyons which travel faster than the speed of light and onions which cause tears to spring from your eyes faster than tachyons! There are meson quarks and there are youdaughter antiquarks; neutrinos and oldtrinos. And just when you think you’ve discovered the last sub-sub-sub-sub atomic particle to the power of 2 million, one, two or three new ones emerge! They say sub-atomic Protons are made up of 3 sub-sub-atomic particles or quarks which by the nature of their combinations are called baryons, held together by a inter-atomic strong force and sub-sub-sub atomic force called GLUON!l
That's really strange isn't it? Coincidence? I ask you, you ask me! The real killer in Ze Pink Panther was NOT apanama, GLUON, but Yuri the Trener who Trens! Merde, you didn’t know zis? Aiyoyo, mon dieu! All zis talking has made me hungry and thirsty. Ai ood laike tua bai a eambeergerrr and some crap, Suzette, urry up si vous plais, and also a drink. I weel have none of ze filthy americain stream of dog’s urine CO2 poison FAKE pop Diet Coke! Give me ze real thang, ze Caliphaburjiranquistan 828/160 Cola and never mind they didn't pay Copyright and Royalty rights!!
But it’s all sand under the bridge. And talking about sand and illegal mining of it and export to our eternal enemy, Singapore....O, I agree fully with you all religions preach love and prosper thy neighbour except....”
Meanwhile, in a new twist to the saga, Proton Motor’s CEO Waja Optimus Prime Satria, supported by his (overstaffed) legion of Putra Autobots (whose motto is, why not 3 when 1 will do, there’s strength in numbers?) dismissed RIF’s claims of universal exclusivity to usage of the Proton moknickers!
Speaking at a Perdana Foundation ‘Hang Bush, Blair and Israel’ Lecture in the vast desert(ed) arena of the Exoratic Avatar fake WTC, Optimus put it all down to a savvy but chillingly sophisticated and unscrupulous Zionist, CIA and the shadowy MyVision terrorists organization, in a world kelisa conspiracy comprising the Jewish:
movie producer Steven Cameraon Spinelessburger
beefy young ham actor Sham Witlesswickykosherbaconcalfvealburger
tiara sporting typical jewish princess Megan Foxtrotburger
2nd generation Mossad Gen2 Decepticonburgers
CIA Asia Station Chief, Nikolas Azizgoldburger
two-faced lawyer Moshe (modern name for Moses) Malkitsianghotdogburgers
who hope to destroy Proton Motor’s unique kosher perpetual zero pollution biodegradable renewable coal energy powered All Spark Sparkplugs (ASS) plant set up under world class Programme Evaluation & Review Techniques (PERT). The Zionists would cause the country’s economy to plunge disastrously, resulting in a re-enactment of 1969 and re-colonization by the promoters of the teaching of Science and Maths in English, BM in Mandarin and sand export to S’pore!!
All a pathetic bit of cobblers, innit mite? Where do you think they were when God gave out brains?
donplaypuks® with god and his particles, MAN!!
ps how many proton models can you count?