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Showing posts with label Lanslides. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lanslides. Show all posts

10/12/2008

LANDSLIDE VICTORY!!

by edmund everest hillary clinton, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for mountainous landslide victory affairs



Leading analysts and anonymous expert spokesmen have confirmed landslide victory at the International Hill constituency by-election which was precipitated by the sudden demise of the incumbent MP from a heart attack.

Maha Kinabalu (MK), political analyst for the New State Parsley Sage Rosemary Thighmes newspaper wrote today that if events that occurred in 1993 at nearby Menara Tanah Tinggi (MTT) constituency are anything to go by, this landslide victory of tsunamic proportions will be just another passing phase in local politics and social development.

MK noted that in the historic 1993 event at MTT, the fulcrum of social development had been reduced to bricks, rubble, dust and ashes by the riotous actions of greedy maverick groups with vested selfish interests. Ill-supervised and unauthorised, ambitious exploratory new age revolutionary edification by these mavericks at an adjacent constituency had undermined the very foundations of democracy and life as we knew it at MTT. But, the nation had lurched forward as though nothing had happened!

MK had lamented that the architects of these modern social edification concepts, their half-(assed) qualified assistants and Havoxbridge Con-sultants had all (illegall) put their John Hancocks on the Master Plans for MTT. When taken to court however, they had all been absolved of any culpability for the disaster, riots and loss of lives. Even the Local Authority and Erection Commission which had approved the gathering and activities of these maverick groups were declared to be ‘above the law’ by virtue of previously unknown provisions in the Federal Constitution.

His Lordship, the Right Honourable Justice Shariah R Ustads Khan, had concluded that the incident was due to an act of retribution by the one true God against pagan gods whom many had falsely worshipped. Khan had acutely observed that the landslide result could not be reversed. That this had led to the completely justified ban against Yoga, Yogis and Yogurt which did not fit in with the social fabric of a nation that would not allow the creeping, insidious 3Y (Yoni) philosophy subtly perpetuated and dangerously promoted by hitherto unidentified cabals of Indian and Hindu fundamentalists.

Master Planner of the Realm for Debates and Msinformation@gov.con, Shabby Cheeky Crack, had also chipped in with the highly useful, intelligent and penetrating observation that voters were the most to be blamed for the landslide victory. Shabby referred to microscopically printed ‘terms and conditions apply’ and ‘caveat emptor’ clauses which the voters should have negotiated on with the various candidates and their philosophies before buying and signing up for their tall stories.


Meanwhile many, rendered homeless by the landmark landslide and the resulting riots, questioned the lack of sympathy and support from ‘the powers that be.’ Master Planner of the Realm for Roofless Homes, Bongkak Tink Notink, conspicuous by his absence, lack of comments and apparent concern, was traced to Sichuan in PRC. He had departed a week earlier helming a small contingent of 2000 officials, engineers, architects and civil servants (wives and bit on the side included) to study revolutionary construction techniques for buildings and schools without foundation on steep hillside slopes.

En route, the contingent had of course had a week’s stop-over at the slippery, body-sliding slopes of Geneva, Switzerland and Pat Phong in Bangkok. Bongkak Tink Notink was quoted as saying “There is no rumour to the truth” in dismissed public concerns that this was yet another ‘research cum study’ overseas holiday junket at the taxpayers’ expense.

Former Chief Master Planner for Sellout All State, Fujimori Toyota, denied any responsibility for the landslide victory. Speaking from Pendatang in Sumatra, he said, ‘No, the state now under rule of Opposition sin Mach 2008. So, even though we in chag for 50 years before, that’s not means our faults. Even the 1993 MTT disaster. They are not our faults. Likes Dr.M and the Buntutsan Toilet Newspaper say, mebbe it a Zionist or Amerika Sharikat Shaitan komplot!’

However, Master Sith Jedi Planner of the Realm, Rip Van Winkle, chirpily announced today from house nos. 44-66A, Mosman Bay, Perth, Australia that the Govt would make available US$700 billion aid in the form of Funds Appropriated for Relief of Troubles (FART) to those affected by landslide victory as well as banks, financial institutions and the auto industry if they were unfairly and adversely affected by the US Satan Capitalist Sub-Prime and Finance Conspiracy. Applicants were requested to forward their requests in a brown envelope with an SAE to Master Planner of the Realm for Finance, Mamak Robokop Forexloosecannon.

Meanwhile at the MoF, Mamak Robokop Forexloosecannon, when posed the question as to where US700 billion would come from when the national reserves stood at US 100 million was quoted as saying “My lips are sealed by the Official Secrets Act (OSA). But, I can confirm that we will be the only nation in the world which will not slip into a recession or depression. I grantee this. For your immediate needs, I have $36 billion forex funds available at various Mamak Havala System Money Changer outlets. You call, we transfer out!! Call 1800-622-632-1400-1957-1969-2008 NOW!!”

Speaking from somewhere in Uzbekistan, Master Sith Jedi Planner of the Realm Elect and Ambassador to Mongolia, General Rosemajibbed, was quoted as saying that he was not inclined to worry about minor issues such as landslide victory as “My administration is on top of it. V have Suckhoi Jets, Scorpenis Subs, C4 explosives and Baginda Altantuya is free. Then, we are still vying for Euro Cocker-Mamie 725 Helicopters costing $1.64b rounded down to $2.3 billion. What more can we ask for? We are a truly blessed nation. God is great!!”

donplaypuks® with my landslide, man!