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31/07/2015

BREAKING NEWS!! 1MBODO CORP DIVERSIFIED INTO $20 BILLION WINE BUSINESS?

by grapes of wrath, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for enophile affairs

It is clear that 1Mbodo will not account for some $20 billion of $46 billion it borrowed to finance its "long-term" investments, after gearing up 46,000 times its paid up share capital of $1 million.

This is because it fears criticism from its detractors over the choice of businesses it "invests" in. These self-appointed critics are clearly out to politicise the grand(iose) plans of PM Grossmajib who aims to leave no stone unturned in leaving the 'best ever legacy' of a prime minister in Bolihland's history.

However, donplaypuks® and its sleuths have travelled the globe and discovered that 1Mbodo has actually invested $20 billion in the highly proftable business of wine making, where a bottle of Chateau Mouton Rothschild, Chateau Lafite or Petrus wine, could, with the right vintage, sell for as much as $100,000!!  

So, here are some of the wines developed by 1Mbodo:

1. 1Mbodo $46 Billion Shateau Mouton Rottenschild 2009





A cunning pure wine developed off-shore in the searing summer heat of Abu Dhabi and the Middle East and the Cayman Islands, through a mafia joint venture between Jho Paris Hilton aka The Whale, a protégé of New York Ah Long businessman Bernie Madhoff, Saudi Prince Turki Sheikh A Leg, Malaysian Prime Minister Grossmajib who wears the pants aka The Hippo and her delightful and saucy husband Nancy-boy who wears the skirts.


Developed from the best grape vines imported from the the world-renown haram viticulture paradise of Bolihland’s Iron River and TRX Sexchange land tracts in Kuala Lumpur and Black Water & Beautiful Island highlands in Penang, this is a world-class wine whose first sip will instantly confirm the underlying subtle taste of massive $46 billion fraud, criminal breach of trust and gross abuse of power. This is a strong, full-bodied red wine, which, as it descends down your sensitive gullet, will cause you to gag and vomit blood. Do not despair. Shit will happen with Shateau. T&C apply.


2. 1Ayambodo Petrus Vin Au Coq Up 2014




A well-hung Chief Advisor and CEO-class milky white wine developed in special multi-coloured  rubber-polymer based bottles that cannot be re-cycled and re-used. The concoction is specially designed to sooth the palates and calm the nerves of  Chief Advisors, Chairmen and CEO's faced with $46 billion investment losses and having to explain (lie about it) to shareholders.

It is a favourite of Paris Hilton and Jho.

Bottle comes with pin for pricks to pierce coq stopper.



3. 1Iambodolah 3.8 GPA Verve Cliq Dontalkcoq Champagne 2015 





Particular pleasing about this special collection of 1Iambodolah 3.8 GPA Verve Cliq Dontalkcoq fizzy sweet champagne is that it comes in a set of 3. Very suitable for Deputy Ministers in Ministry of Finance who also come in a set of 3 stooges, this is the gold standard for champagne wines. One sip and they will be able to lie through their front teeth without qualms or an iota of guilt. 

TERMS & CONDITIONS OF SALE 
  1. Bottles of wine are produced and sold only as as “units”. 
  2. Wine quality and “units” have been audited and certified as “true and fair but untrue and unfair if caught’ by Messrs. Detoilettes, Chartered Beancounters, after two changes of auditors.
  3. Do not reveal details of payment to The Wall St. Journal, Sarawak Report or The Edge or else you will be investigated by a Special Task Farce and appointed Minister With No Portfolio in the government of Malaysian Prime Minister Grossmajib.
HOW TO ORDER/PAY:
  1. Borrow $46 billion.
  2. Write-off $2.5 billion as irrecoverable  “advance” to Jho Paris Hilton aka The Whale.
  3. Pay 12% outrageous commission to Goldman Sucks of New York.
  4. Pay over-inflated cost of $18 billion to acquire IPPs to provide electricity to wine bottling plants and immediately receive $250 million back as “donations” to buy votes and rig elections.
  5. TT $20 billion to Jho Paris Hilton aka The Whale to invest in “units” in Mongolian Altantuya C4 plastic explosives manufacturing plant.
  6. TT $2.6 billion to personal bank account of Malaysian Prime Minister Grossmajib. The money may not be used for her personal benefit, but may be legally utilised by her to buy votes and rig elections at general elections.
  7. If you do not have the money to pay, please apply to Malaysian Prime Minister Grossmajib for $5 billion government bailout money to save vineyards and wine “units”.
  8. For no-questions-asked fully guaranteed refunds, send original receipt, packaging and “units” to ‘The Malaysian Taxpayer’ c/o one of the following:
  • Tabung Haji Azeez
  • EPF
  • Socso
  • KWAP
  • Chimbank
  • Khazanah
  • PNB
  • Exim Bank
Eat, drink and be merry!


Donplaypuks® with $20 billion wine, man!