NEP NEW DEAL GOES HOLLYWOOD!

OR 'Lord of The 3 Krisis' - Nation's Entry For The Oscars !!

by Tim Rice Kandar Frankie Roosevelt, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for Arty Affairs





Jedi Master Planner of The Realm for Culture, Movie & Art and Lion Fights at the Roma Coliseum, Sir Phil I.Stine Anak Yatim Piatu Edgar Rice Burro, said Saturday, that made-by-locals movie ‘The Lord of The 3-Krisis’ Trilogy would be the nation’s first-ever entry for the Oscars.

‘I cannot give away too much at this stage, but all will be revealed at the Premiere which will be held at the newly renovated Lion Fights Roma Coliseum Auditorium. Anybody who is somebody and all the Tai Tai’s you see every month in ‘Tai Tai Tatters Magazine’ will be there. It is an all local-stars cast, Produced, Directed and Shot by our very own Ms Labax Ning Two Bazookas, who has moved away from reprising her acting and singing roles to movie making,’ said the Master.

‘But I can give you a hint of what’s to come, so here goes!!’

THE HOLY MANTRA

Three Krisis for the GongsiRayaDeepa Leaders under the sky,
Nine for the Sultans of Swing in Dire Straits in their Palaces of Gold,
Thirteen for the Mortal Chief Jedi Dictators doomed to die from Billionaire’s Disease,
One for the Dark Lord of Dilemma in his Dark ElectronNeutronProton Turbo-Charged AP 1.5 litrel Model Car, on his Dark Twin Towers Throne,
In the Land of the GoldenChersoneseSuvarnadvipaGreaterCo-ProsperitySphere where the Peat Fire and Sumatran Haze waft.
One Krisis stage-managed riot to rule them all, One Kurrency Krisis inspired by malaysiasoros@.con Zionists to bankrupt them,
One Krisis to arrest EXPUNGED sex offenders under the OSIBISA (Official Secrets, Intelligence, Banking and Internal Security Act) and in the darkness to bind and assault them,
In the Land of the GoldenSuvarnadvipaGreaterCo-ProsperitySphere where the Peat Fire and Sumatran Haze waft.

STORY SYNOPSIS

To the soft background music of ‘My Way The Only Way’ sung acapella by ex-Chief Jedi Master Planner of The Realm, Rama Maha Darthvader Firaun 1 or Pak Che LansungTak Bajet or Tak Bajet for short.

‘Hush, children, gather close around me, for I will narrate to you, ye tales and adventures in days of old when knights were bold and maidens fair; stories of old, lost in the mists of time and the Great Peat Fire and Sumatran Haze.’

‘The legend begins in Gunung Twin Towers, in the city which in ancient times was known as ‘Jauhar’ meaning ‘Precious Stones’ in Arabic. The Sifir of Gunung TT-Aditya Iyer- empowers his most trusted disciple, Sith Param Sikandar Alex Shan, master mole and Special Rappoteur for the A’Formosa , with the secrets of the 3-Krisis. Sith Rappoteur, on his death-bed, passes on the secrets of the 3-Krisis to his elite and most trusted martial art specialists,Tuah Kiu & Lee Kiu of the Hang dynasty from China (kungfu), Kasturi Muthu from Kerala, India (karate)and Lekir from Palembang, Sumatra (silat). Rappoteur does not reveal the source of the 3-Krisis to Tuah, the Team A Leader, and his men, but is sworn to secrecy to guard the secrets of the 3-Krisis to be held in trust (Amanah) for the good and benefit of the people.

Unbeknownst to them, there was a 4th Krisis, The Dark Eye of Sapusemuamoron, snafu’d by the traitrous Team B leader, Javerybbad The Hut from Pizzazi Land. An epic struggle ensues in the mountains, and Javerybbad emerges victor and manages to pass on only the 3-Krisis to his evil son Nasi Gottum. The loss of the Krisis results in no dividends for the common people who become disunited and eventually fall to foreign colonization for 450 years.

Long, long after, after the GoldenChersoneseSuvarnadvipGreaterCo-ProsperitySphere (hereafter referred to hereunder and everywhere else that follows as GCSGCPS) where the Peat Fire and Sumatran Haze waft, had been forgotten and independence from the Dark dirty white colonialists gained, there arose in this land, circa 1980, Gandhalfbreed ‘The Look East But Export West’ Magician, who was half from the land of Kama & Sutra, and half from the GCSKCPS.

Gandhalfbreed, who had in the time before land, been in a great Dilemma, now seeks to retrieve the magical 3-Krisis, swords that had mystical powers, as ‘whosoever shall possess them shall rule the Three Worlds and Kingdoms of DutaTunkennyDamanshire Hills’ – the grand Shires. The Three Krisis, encrusted with mystical crystals and jewels of all kinds, drawing their power from the sun and cosmic energy of the Universe, were:-

Krisis 2020 - 30% carrot Diamond
Krisis Jade Gate Clouds & Rains - pure green Jade
Krisis Rajadhiraja Chola 999 - Black-Gold Lingam

After the terrible malaysiasoros@.con Zionist inspired Kurrency Krisis, the Krisis 2020-carrot 30% Diamond and Krisis Rajadhiraja Chola 999 Black -Gold Lingam were operating at less than 30% and 10% power respectively, while the Krisis Jade Gate Clouds & Rains had somehow managed to increase its power by dreawing energy from the Black Hole of Calcutta and Krakatoa.

Gandhalfbreed, using his special powers of paradigm shafting, then instructed his most trusted confidante & emissary Chief Beg Sheikh-a-leg Ali Babaji, to organize the ThunThunSirSirLatokLatokLatinLatinRet.Gen/BG/KSU/Benevolent Jedi Dictators, to form the very well-received (by the Krisis 2020 members) heads I win-win tails you lose-lose partnerships with the Sacred Members of Jade Gate Clouds & Rains, while ignoring the needs of the people of Chola, the KamaSutrans, now operating at 1% power.

KamaSutrans comprised many ancient tribes from the land of the Indus River:-

Doot Land

Land of the world’s greatest singhers, hoockey players, back-door woodpeckersmen, exporters of bangali kondai and the branch of mathematics and business module called ‘Belakang Kira Woi’.

SothiVandi Land

Land of the world’s best Thunderbreads and Coconut Sothi.

Dravid Koresh Land

Land of the first settlers in the Indus Valley many of whom later became IT specialists and emigrated to Wisconsin, Arizona.

Muthu,Maniam, Manikam & Lingam Land

Or the Land of Machan and Annai - dark-skinned people famed for
their Computer Software skills, Call Centres, ‘Big Kambus’ and shaking of heads while talking.

See them and a Snake, Kill them first Land

Malayalam Land where Gandhalfbreed’s father and his ancestors came from.

Mamak Land

Land of the Indian Muslims known universally as Mamaks or Tuluks, famous for their Roti Chanai,Dalcha, Teh tarik and instant diarrheoa Curry Tambah, and Secondary Central HAVALLA Banking System. And many others.

Many young KamaSutrans, greatly disappointed at being marginalized and polarized by GCSGCPS’s education and employment policies, who after 25 years under Gandhalfbreed’s rule, could only converse and write in Manglish, began to carry Rulers and wear Dark Polaroid Shades and came under the influence of the Dark Lord, Lord Saturaman Busukaraman, and began calling themselves Saturaman Shmarman (SS).

They moved to the ancient Dark Kingdom of Killan or Kelang, near Port Swettenham, originally founded by Lord Killeny Fitzpatrick of Ireland, whose son is now the leader of that legendary rock group, Indian Rangoli Attam (IRA).

KamaSutrans, forced to scratch for a living, became Bouncers at nightclubs and places of ill-repute, Loan, Debt and Repo Collectors, and worse, Hit Men, ‘Hollywood-type Soprano Singers’ who would snuff out a human life for the next 50 cents and leave their infamous calling card on your doorstep – a bleeding goat’s head. They had become very disenfranchised and refused to eat or drink at McDonalds, KFC, Burger King, Starbucks, Pizza Hut, etc.

Dissatisfaction with the leadership was also endemic among CHARSIU (Chinese Heavenly Association for Race, Sense, Intelligence and Unity) members who knew well the old Chinese maxim, ‘dead fish lot in the head flirst’.

Suddenly, the nation has a new Premier, seemingly a voice of moderation in a world of suicide bombers (unwittingly referred to as Suicide Protestors by the fundamentalist press) and the battle begins for transparency, accountability and an equitable share of the nasi kandar.

The Premier is secretly supported by young, shadowy Hairy Plotter the Silly (Son-In-Law, Lawyerburok and Yuppy) the nation's richest permanently unemployed billionaire-Havoxbridge grad, and his young and brylcreamed Yuppy Puppy Knights of the Nasi Lemak Wooden Table who all had triple degrees and had learnt their bag of tricks from the awfleh good HavOxBridge School of Oriental & White Magic.

Total chaos ensues when the imprisoned old knight, Sir Abim Obama, who graduated from the MC Hammer College of High Energy Dancing, wins his appeal against charges of copyright infringement of 'Sodo Mee' brand instant noodles, and is released from prison. Sir Abim rides out from the Kingdom of Pantang Red Bean & Kaya Pauh (certified kosher by HDC - Halal Donedeal Corp) and vows to liberate the nation from the hegemony of the Krisis 2020 Warlords.

Another epic battle takes place. There are many twists and turns and a surprise ending that will shock and shake the old-world order.

There, I am tempted to give away the ending, but, no!! Go, see the movie. Whatever the ending, you will be entertained, you have my grantee. There is something for everyone.’

Starring An All Malaysian Cast With Our Very Own:-

Krisis Krisistofferson in the lead male role of Frodo Bagasi
Krisis Labax Damayanti in the lead feminine role of Queen Sir Galahadriel
Latok Jeans Shams Din as GandHalfbreed The Look East But Export West Magician
Patrice Niamah Twinkle Toes ex-DJ as the cool and swingin 45 RPM Merry Go Around
Joe Hashish Assasin as the gruel Sam Porridgeways Kanjee
Syed Nasir Lemak as Nasi Gottum
Latin Labax Michael Yeoh, star of the hit movie, ‘Squatting Toilet, Flushing Meadows’ as The Elvian Queen Eeoow Win James Bond
Bentong Kali as Saturaman, The Dark Lord (nominated for posthumous Oscar for best supporting actor who is also a dead convicted criminal)
Mano A Mano as the Magnum4D PI Kelang Hitman, Goodtime Blackman
Jalil-ud-Din Hassle-em Omar Sheriff as the Million Dollar Chief Inspector General of the Naz Gul
Rahim Omar Burns, ex-IGPas Seteruon, Dark Eye of the Ring
Latok Rahim Razaleigh Bicycles as As Anotherthorn Among the Roses s/o Alreadygone
Latok Money Jaguarsonas as Master Archer & Olympics 100 metre sprinter Last-o-leg-o-las
Nicolemin Kid-U-Not Yusoff ex-DJ as Naz Gul bit of bird on the side
Faridah American as the token American
Magoo Kojak Jessica Alba as the Jedi who fails to defend Mick Jagger's Bianca
The 3-Krisis as themselves

And many other local stars in various supporting roles, with cameo appearance by our very own Jedi Master Planner of The Realm for Krisis and Higher, Lower and anything in-between Learning, Lord Hussain Alakazam Hashim Alakazoom, affectionately known as Lord Ha Ha, as laughing Main Krisis Waver in the 9/11/451 World Trade Centre Scene - Act 2, Scene I.

Songs & Lyrics by:-

‘My Way Only Way’Acapella by ex-Chief Jedi Master Planner of The Realm, Tak Bajet
Your Way Not My Way’Duet by Labax City Nurhalfaliza & Tak Bajet
‘Both Ways’ by Dee Jay Dev Anand Kapak Singh
'Anyhow Oso Can Way One’ by Dato Peh Yang Ting, affectionately known as PYT or Tai Kor, leader of CHARSIU
‘Bad Hair Day Way’ by Wigneswaran Vetrivadivel s/o Puli Kottai, (affectionately known as ‘Wigs’), leader of Kesatuan Alam Liga India Neopolitik Ganga Arya (KALINGA)
‘Turbanator Way’ by Arnold Schwartzkorpf Kapak Singh
‘I’ll Be Back Way’ by Azizah Ash Burn
‘Make My Day, Punk Way’ by Latin rAPidriflefire, MP for Kuala KIint Timorkayu

The sequel to Lord of The 3 Krisis, entitled the 3-Krisis Lion Pura Pura Go South, scheduled for Xmas 2008 release stars:-

Hermit PCK Singh as Gandhalfbreed, best magician in Lioncity & JB
Woody Goh Harrelson as Barry Pap, the middle-aged Dragon King
Roti Brata Nathan as President Rose-among-the Arathorn
Dirty Harry Lee as Chief Pap DragonTormentor and Terminator, the Old Confused Magician
Zooey Teh Tarik as Mrs Barry Ho Pap, CEO of Tamakshitbitbybitshit Holdings and wife of Barry Pap
Coomar as Princess Lagaylast
Anthony Brylcream Tan as Chairman of Casi,...no, Integrated Resorts Holdings, known in short as Casiresortopolis
George Yeoh Wynn as the dicey Joseph Gambanana, CEO of Casi, … no Integrated Resorts Holdings, known in short as Casiresortopolis
Michelle Yeoh Wynn as Chief of Security at Casi,....no, Integrated Resorts Holdings, known in short as Casiresortopolis

And many other Lion Cityzens.

The prequel to Lord of the Three Krisisi, entitled the 3-Krisis Bunga Mas Goes North, has not completed recruitment of all key stars, but some names are available:-

Shin What The Hell as The King of Manchester Footbhol Club
Shin up the creek with no oars as the now ousted ex-Mahadarthvader and mole for Tamakshitbitbybitshit Resorts Holdings of Lion City
Anat Ratupthepole as the fast moving young Gollum
Chulalongpopcornsoda Amaized Suravud as Jagung Kampung
Tok Guru Nikolas Aziz as leader of the southern fundamentalist insurgents fighting for the right to return Bunga Mas Land to the Palestinians

And many others to be announced.

donplaypuks® with my new deal man!!