BEIJING OLYMPICS ROCKED BY SCANDAL ONE !!

by dung xiao ping pong, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for olympiad affairs

'Games brought to a virtual halt' reports Chi Hwa Hwa Lap Dance Poodle National News Agency.

‘British and Western colonialist conspiracy’ accuses Adolf Robber Muggles Mugabe, as he launches world’s first trillion $ loaf of bread franchise in Harare.

‘malaysiasoros@.con Zionist plot,’ condemns ex-Chief Master Planner of The Realm, Maha Sith Jedi Darthvader Maha Rama Firaun 1 or Pak Langsung Tak Bajet or affectionately known as Tak Bajet, for short.

'No rumour to truth of abduction' says WCW New State Thimes, Stripes & Stars.

'What the hell was that??!!' says mayor of Hiroshima.

Barely into its first week, the 08-08-08 Feng Shui-blessed Beijing Olympics ground to a virtual halt today as protesters disrupted the games by kidnapping IOC President Jacques Sauniere Damn Hash Brown Mitterend Sarkozy Froggey and threatening to force-feed him with Freedom Fries and Ketchup if their demands were not met immediately.

The little known protest group which goes by the acronym of MILF (Machingdon International Liberation Front) claims to hail from the murky islands of the Golden Chersonese. MILF is known to have as its motto “Two Legs Good, Four Legs Better And Some Are More Equal Than Others.” The protesters are believed to have taken their captive to their temporary HQ in the jungles surrounding Peace Hill Resorts on the outskirts of Beijing.

The following short message was emailed to donplaypuks® by MILF Chief Spokesman, Dung Wang Ngee:

“Ever since the Olympic Games commenced in 700 BC, the rules have been formulated to make it impossible for Golden Chersonians to win a Gold Medal. In modern times this conspiracy has continued with the changing of the FPS (foot, pound, second) and CGS (centimetre, gram, second) to the French SI (Systeme Internationale or Metric System with metre, kilogram, second) measurement system which the Yankees have still not implemented in the USA. And, damn these terrorists, they still drive on the right side !!

Two thousand years of colonization and paradigm shafting by these Zionist and/or their sympathisers has made it impossible for Chersonians to compete on an equal footing with Westerners and other pro-Zionists so much so that we will not achieve our target of at least One Gold Medal in the Olympic Games by 2020 unless drastic steps are taken. In view of these iniquities which are an obscene assault on our God-given inalienable human right to compete, we, the MILF, DEMAND that the following ADDITIONAL NEW SPORTING DISCIPLINES be made MANDATORY IMMEDIATELY in this and all future Olympics to enable us to compete, win and acquire international respect, renown and sustain national pride. Olympic Gold, Silver & Bronze medals shall be SUPPLEMENTED WITH ADDITIONAL PRIZES:-

1. Most number of RCI’s that can be held within a 4-year period where no action is taken to act on the RCI’s recommendations or to press charges against anyone.

Gold-8D/7N for 2 couples at Auckland Zoo, with initial rendezvous in Singapore. Bodyguards wil be provided. Voluntary hand-over-shoulder photo-shoots strictly NOT allowed.
Silver- 5D/4N for 3 couples by Lake Geneva Chalet. Photo-shoot with ex-Army General included.
Bronze- 2D/1N at Lord Lingham’s Saucy MiCastleYourCastle Curry House. Whisky and drunken, incoherent 'maybe he is, maybe he isn't' shyster's monologue with Jedi Judge @ no extra charge. Go burn your own CD.
Special Platimum 4th Prize- 2-hour green tea and japanese blead making session with apanama, we forget!!

2. Most number of times a new bridge costing $250 million can be repaired within a 4-year period using Horse Brand Super Glue.

Gold-$500 million contract with compensation for new crooked bridge over troubled waters leading to nowhere. Master Plan & construction not required.
Silver- $100 million contract for old Highway upgrade with VO of $50 million. Invoices not required.
Bronze- $40 million contract for Toll flyover with VO of $30 million. Exempt from PAC investigation.

3. Most number of times a School Teacher can say ‘fcuking behind rubber-estate bushes no good black-monkey immigrant pig babi bastards with no testicles born from thieving pimps and prostitutes go back to India & China’ IN ONE BREATHE.

Gold- immediate promotion as Sith Jedi Master Planner of the Realm for Learning.
Silver- immediate promotion as State Sith Jedi Master Planner for Learning
Bronze- immediate promotion as Sith Jedi HM of leading Sith Jedi State School. Certificate of appreciation and salary increment/special 1-off bonus included.

4. Most number of times an opposition politician can be prosecuted for copyright infringement of instant 3-Minutes Sodo Mee Brand Noodles in one 10-year period with no corroborating evidence to 'back it' up.

Gold-Free life-time medical check-up, DNA testing and treatment at Piss Raw Wee Hospital. Sigmoidoscope Protoscope probe, optional. Medical Report & SD will be posted via Internet at http://www.newin.burma@yangon.con/.
Silver- Free life-time medical check-up, DNA testing and treatment at Pondok@KLER.SithJedi.klinik.con. Medical Report- can be manufactured by pariahmedics. SD, plastic truncheon and batteries NOT included.
Bronze- Free life-time medical check-up, DNA testing and treatment at Room 69, Concordat Hotel, Paris. Free Gift - 'Giovanni's Room' , a novel by J.Baldwin.

5. Most number of times and the highest cost at which 13 brand-new Prime Motorcars can be serviced and repaired within 1-year of its purchase. Minimum qualification expenditure - $50,000 per car.

Gold-a brand new Merc compressor to be used by visiting foreign dignitaries from Trengganu only.
Silver- a brand new BMW compressor to be used by visiting foreign male dignitaries in Kelantan only.
Bronze- a brand new Camry compressor to be used by visiting local dignitaries anywhere.

6. Most number of times Land designated as ‘Green Lung’ can be sold for a song to a Croney for a multi-billion $ property development project within a 4-year period.

Gold- Contract for development of Sarawak. Sabah can oso be congsider.
Silver- Contract for development of National Park Reserve, Pahang. Tioman Island can oso be congsider.
Bronze- Contract for development of Lake Gardens KL, Parliament House & National Monument sites. National Museum site for 33-year Toll Highway with 100% traffic guarantee (based on downtown LA/London traffic-count) buy-back/compensation concession - can oso be congsider. (In fact, anything oso can be congsider.)

7. Most number of Hydroelectric Damns that can be built in 1 State within 4-years in direct-negotiations non-tendered-out NPP (new power players) contracts with 100% Federal Govt Sovereign guaranteed ‘take or pay’ & ‘cost pass-on escalation and gas subsidy' clauses & 18% (adjusted for inflation) IRR included. Minimum - 12 damns with 50% VO .

Gold- 51-year concession. Corporate Tax @ 0 % with no windfall-profits tax. $10 billion untested undersea cable contract - optional. No preliminary or EIA study required. Special Govt sponsored visit-cum-research trip to London, Paris, NY & Hauptbahnhof,Munich included.
Silver-33-year concession. Corporate Tax @ 1/2 % with no windfall-profits tax. Environment unfriendly alumunium-smelter contract - optional. Special Govt sponsored visit-cum-research trip to Beirut, Cairo, Libya, Iran and Amsterdam included.
Bronze- 21-year concession. Corporate Tax @ 1% with no windfall-profits tax. Contract for obsolete-technology for solid-waste disposal Incinerator - optional. Special Govt OHMS funded visit-cum-research trip to Geisha House, Ginza Plaza included.

We shall table other demands from time to time to the IOC so that each Games can be held over a longer period every four years and be truly representative of the entire World. If all goes well according to our proposals, plans and projections, MILF will be the FIRST to host a Trillion $ budget Olympic Games in 2020 and chalk up another entry in the International Genius Book of Records!!

donplaypuks® with my olympics man!!
ps

readers, feel free to suggest other new 'events' that can be oso congsider for inclusion in the 2020 Olympic Games