THE NEXT GOVERNMENT.

BARISAN RAKYAT SHALL FORM THE NEXT GOVERNMENT!

SOS

SOS
nation in distress

The World Anthem


WE ARE ALL OF 1 RACE, THE HUMAN RACE.


10/12/2008

LANDSLIDE VICTORY!!

by edmund everest hillary clinton, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for mountainous landslide victory affairs



Leading analysts and anonymous expert spokesmen have confirmed landslide victory at the International Hill constituency by-election which was precipitated by the sudden demise of the incumbent MP from a heart attack.

Maha Kinabalu (MK), political analyst for the New State Parsley Sage Rosemary Thighmes newspaper wrote today that if events that occurred in 1993 at nearby Menara Tanah Tinggi (MTT) constituency are anything to go by, this landslide victory of tsunamic proportions will be just another passing phase in local politics and social development.

MK noted that in the historic 1993 event at MTT, the fulcrum of social development had been reduced to bricks, rubble, dust and ashes by the riotous actions of greedy maverick groups with vested selfish interests. Ill-supervised and unauthorised, ambitious exploratory new age revolutionary edification by these mavericks at an adjacent constituency had undermined the very foundations of democracy and life as we knew it at MTT. But, the nation had lurched forward as though nothing had happened!

MK had lamented that the architects of these modern social edification concepts, their half-(assed) qualified assistants and Havoxbridge Con-sultants had all (illegall) put their John Hancocks on the Master Plans for MTT. When taken to court however, they had all been absolved of any culpability for the disaster, riots and loss of lives. Even the Local Authority and Erection Commission which had approved the gathering and activities of these maverick groups were declared to be ‘above the law’ by virtue of previously unknown provisions in the Federal Constitution.

His Lordship, the Right Honourable Justice Shariah R Ustads Khan, had concluded that the incident was due to an act of retribution by the one true God against pagan gods whom many had falsely worshipped. Khan had acutely observed that the landslide result could not be reversed. That this had led to the completely justified ban against Yoga, Yogis and Yogurt which did not fit in with the social fabric of a nation that would not allow the creeping, insidious 3Y (Yoni) philosophy subtly perpetuated and dangerously promoted by hitherto unidentified cabals of Indian and Hindu fundamentalists.

Master Planner of the Realm for Debates and Msinformation@gov.con, Shabby Cheeky Crack, had also chipped in with the highly useful, intelligent and penetrating observation that voters were the most to be blamed for the landslide victory. Shabby referred to microscopically printed ‘terms and conditions apply’ and ‘caveat emptor’ clauses which the voters should have negotiated on with the various candidates and their philosophies before buying and signing up for their tall stories.


Meanwhile many, rendered homeless by the landmark landslide and the resulting riots, questioned the lack of sympathy and support from ‘the powers that be.’ Master Planner of the Realm for Roofless Homes, Bongkak Tink Notink, conspicuous by his absence, lack of comments and apparent concern, was traced to Sichuan in PRC. He had departed a week earlier helming a small contingent of 2000 officials, engineers, architects and civil servants (wives and bit on the side included) to study revolutionary construction techniques for buildings and schools without foundation on steep hillside slopes.

En route, the contingent had of course had a week’s stop-over at the slippery, body-sliding slopes of Geneva, Switzerland and Pat Phong in Bangkok. Bongkak Tink Notink was quoted as saying “There is no rumour to the truth” in dismissed public concerns that this was yet another ‘research cum study’ overseas holiday junket at the taxpayers’ expense.

Former Chief Master Planner for Sellout All State, Fujimori Toyota, denied any responsibility for the landslide victory. Speaking from Pendatang in Sumatra, he said, ‘No, the state now under rule of Opposition sin Mach 2008. So, even though we in chag for 50 years before, that’s not means our faults. Even the 1993 MTT disaster. They are not our faults. Likes Dr.M and the Buntutsan Toilet Newspaper say, mebbe it a Zionist or Amerika Sharikat Shaitan komplot!’

However, Master Sith Jedi Planner of the Realm, Rip Van Winkle, chirpily announced today from house nos. 44-66A, Mosman Bay, Perth, Australia that the Govt would make available US$700 billion aid in the form of Funds Appropriated for Relief of Troubles (FART) to those affected by landslide victory as well as banks, financial institutions and the auto industry if they were unfairly and adversely affected by the US Satan Capitalist Sub-Prime and Finance Conspiracy. Applicants were requested to forward their requests in a brown envelope with an SAE to Master Planner of the Realm for Finance, Mamak Robokop Forexloosecannon.

Meanwhile at the MoF, Mamak Robokop Forexloosecannon, when posed the question as to where US700 billion would come from when the national reserves stood at US 100 million was quoted as saying “My lips are sealed by the Official Secrets Act (OSA). But, I can confirm that we will be the only nation in the world which will not slip into a recession or depression. I grantee this. For your immediate needs, I have $36 billion forex funds available at various Mamak Havala System Money Changer outlets. You call, we transfer out!! Call 1800-622-632-1400-1957-1969-2008 NOW!!”

Speaking from somewhere in Uzbekistan, Master Sith Jedi Planner of the Realm Elect and Ambassador to Mongolia, General Rosemajibbed, was quoted as saying that he was not inclined to worry about minor issues such as landslide victory as “My administration is on top of it. V have Suckhoi Jets, Scorpenis Subs, C4 explosives and Baginda Altantuya is free. Then, we are still vying for Euro Cocker-Mamie 725 Helicopters costing $1.64b rounded down to $2.3 billion. What more can we ask for? We are a truly blessed nation. God is great!!”

donplaypuks® with my landslide, man!

11 comments:

masterwordsmith said...

My dear friend DPP,

It is fantastic to see you in your element. Am glad you have recovered and back to a**-kicking stories!!!

Your satirical touch and incisive 'reporting' not only reeks of awesome skill and X-ray perspective but makes us go down memory lane as you lead us to see the catastrophe as it should be seen and not through the masks of hypocrisy,lies and deception.

As usual, your humble reader here pays homage to your astounding writing and thinking skills!

Standing ovation for this piece although my heart bleeds, not just for the victims, but also for Mother Earth.

Thank you, dear friend.

P.S. Wish I had your brains, man!!!!

Antara"s"bangsa said...

hidup hidup
hidup anwar

hisap hisap
hisap tanah

donplaypuks® said...

Hi MWS

I'll have to get you to write my resume for my next job.

Personally, I had struggled to connect the dots on this one. But what I can't understand is how on earth the PM and BN Ministers and MP's can blame the house and condo buyers for this disaster.

Where is the sanctity of warranties given by developers? Why are local authorities not accountable for enforcing strictly the guidelines for development on tricky terrain?

Again, the BN Govt is deflecting blame on to the one group which it should be trying to find an equitable solution for - The PEOPLE!!

My heart bleeds for all those who lost their homes, were uninsured and who have to continue servicing bank loans.

nstman said...

what a fucking moron !! geezzz

donplaypuks® said...

nstman

can you expand on your statement. i can't figure out who you are cusring!!

masterwordsmith said...

DPP,

I know what you mean by the dots. That is why I pay you homage for this one.

To have taken that route and to have found the golden thread to hold it together laced with so much biting satirical punch, must have taken a good number of manpower hours and beers!!!

By the way, I saw your comment in Antares' blog LOL and almost fell off my seat!!! Didn't know you could cuss hahaha!!!

Have a good holiday season with your family and till we meet one day...here's to more wonderful stories...(make it soon).

We have waited for far too long but it has been worth the wait, dear brother!!!

God bless you!

*P.S. Anytime re the resume..only the best for the best!
cheers

Antares said...

Greetings, DPP! Glad to see you're blogging again (your blogroll appeared to be jammed for weeks... mine is currently jammed but because of some mysterious technical glitch which still hasn't corrected itself... my posts aren't showing up in others' blogrolls for days!) Some inspired madness you've thrown into the mix here:-)

P.S. A cybervirus just registered a Blogger account under the name Antara"s"bangsa using a sneaky variation of my email addy & blog URL. Smells suspiciously like the infamous "Pussy Licker"... but who knows how many nitwits BN has got on its cybertrooper payroll?

donplaypuks® said...

Hi Antares

I thought your 'Can we befriend teh elements' one of your best. Especially where you point out that we should learn from nature and not try fighting and conquering it.

I also cannot understand these Japanese, Russian, Norewgian and other goons and thugs who poach on pangolin, bears, sharks, dolphins, whales etc for money when there is so much we can leran from the cological system they thrive in.

My blogroll was static for a few weeks becoz I was not well, but am back to up and rearing now.

Waiting to read more of your specials. As for the word 'FUCK', have you heard Osho's tape on the versatility of that 4-letter word? It's hilarious. If you have not, I can dig up my audiocopy and send you 1.

Regards
dpp

donplaypuks® said...

Hi Antares

For Osho's version of the meaning of the 4-letter word you can find it on youtube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q23sodJ0SIg&feature=related

Patricia said...

Hi DPP,

I wait for the blue moons when you post - and you are worth the wait. I don't rush here, but wait for the time I can sit and savour the words and what they mean ;)

About what you and Antares are talking about: from an English teacher point of view, the versatality of 'fuck' and it's many forms killed me when I first heard it! And I am constantly hearing new and mind-jiggling variations!

Antares, thank god you mentioned your blog not loading on our blogrolls! I thought it was me or my blog doing something wrong! Phewww!

Brilliant post, DPP. Worth many a re-read :)

Pat

Patricia said...

p.s.

... before Antares corrects me: 'versatility' - fault of the mind and finger, I fear.

Pat