by g'die ramli burger and partners, llb, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for kangaroo courting affairsThe Auto Assembly Line: In Perak.
The Place: Under the shade of the Democracy Raintree in Ipoh.
The Man: Towering Glocal 2nd Hand Car Salesman, Latok Camry (PhD).
The Other Man Thursday 7th May & PR Speaker: Sani Gana.
The Judge: Left Honourable Ramli Burger, sole proprietor.
The Court: Ping Pong.
The Equipment: Cojones, the lack of.
The issue: Latok Camry’s elevation to the International Statesmen’s Hall of Fame.
The Reason: Kita Bolih! (We can)
The Time: Now !!
The ever urbane and elegant looking patrician Jawaharlal Nehru in white, white Jubba and Ghandhi cap strolled around the quadrangle with his frail looking paramour Lady Edwina Mountbatten in summer cotton frock and straw hat clinging to his arm like a scene out of some E.M. Forster novel.
In another corner, under the generous shade of the village Democracy Raintree stooped the still emaciated frail figure of Mohandas Karamchand Ghandhi, the Mahatma, bent over his trademark cotton spinning wheel or Chakra.
Elsewhere, seated on a $5 wooden stool was the 91 year old Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela in his customary two-piece blue suit, wearing the grin of a little innocent boy. Such was the shining openness in his visage you’d never suspect he’d spent 18 years in solitary confinement on Robben Island!
In another corner where the branches and leaves drooped almost to the ground, square-jawed John Fitzgerald Kennedy frolicked with copper-platinum haired Marilyn Monroe who had a plunging neckline so deep, Ghandhi’s bifocals had fogged over and iced up as though under attack by the rolling mists on a cold Himalayan night, and the already scanty dhoti now sucked up to his vitals like cling wrap on Carrefour frozen spare, lean chicken chops!
And how the little boys and girls and men and women oohed and aahed at the silken skills of Edison Arantes do Nascimento aka Pele as he magically kept three footballs in perpetual motion with head, hip, thigh, shoulder, ankle and foot!
The never-been-near-a-beach fish white, rotund Sir Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill in white 3-piece suit was engaged in animated conversation with the black-suited Abraham Lincoln in black stovepipe hat near the now acid-melted and hammer- assaulted plaque. It was 90 in the shade and you could have fried an egg on the concrete slab of the side-walk; but Churchill perspired not a drop, so cucumber cool was he. And Lincoln still talked about an epochal ‘four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.’
The spirits and flesh of great statesmen and achievers past and present had gathered, drawn together by the immutable unwritten laws of the Universe!
“The validity of any proceedings in the Auto Assembly Line shall not be questioned in any Court. Couldn’t be clearer than that, could it Goosy?” posed Churchill to Ghandhi, as he chomped on his favourite Hitler brand Havana stogie.
“No, fat mama’s boy Billy Bunter, no. It’s crystal clear. Any twelve year old child could read and understand that. Even Jinnah! It’s all about public toilets and canines you know!” opined a smiling Ghandhi, once a practicing lawyer himself.
“But there’s no written judgement. So, how and what can they bleddy appeal against, eh, kaffir. Isn’t that somewhat scurrilous action by Left Honourable Auto Pilot Judges, CoA and Fed ‘Roos?” boomed Mandela, another who had once worn robes and wigs.
“Oh, and Latok Camry’s Man Thursday, pretender and usurper PR Speaker Sani Gana, summoned in I Polis Raja. Thank God they did not open fire like they did in Kent State in 1970! When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity,” a concerned JFK mused as his finger traced a sinuous arc on Marilyn’s spine.
“I warned Latok Camry long nights ago of a tryst with destiny!” volunteered Nehru as he gazed deeply into Edwina’s blue eyes.
“Let’s summarise his achievements shall we,” said a very business-like Lincoln:-
1. Arguably ‘in office’ for 3 months.
2. Created 2 MB’s Assembly Line.
3. Created 2 Speakers Assembly Line.
4. Created 2 Excos Assembly Line.
5. Major campaign – Camry car auction (none sold).
6. Tried to bar the Press from the Assembly Line.
7. Caused major disruption of the Auto Assembly Line process.
8. Thrown out of Assembly Line – once, in 3 months.
“That's all? Not exactly a World Cup Winning achievement, is it?” asked the Great Pele. “So, who will tell him the sad news? Ghandhi? Mandela?”
“Oh, we’ll leave it to Nizar, I think. Most appropriate wouldn’t you say? Poetic justice and all that? And remind Nizar to give that little speech about God, King, Country and all that would you please?’’ advised Mandela to Pele.
“Oh, and which Country would that be Nelson?” asked a smiling Pele.
“You know. Surely you know what I mean or do I have to spell it out for Latok
Camry? The Country without a tree?”
donplaypuks® with my assembly line-up, man!!
the kangaroo hop song with adam sandler
