1 TOILET, MANY SYSTERNS!

OR that oh so sweet burning sensation

by jack and jill, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondents for No.1 & 2 affairs. (Systern - a new manglish word derived from system + cistern, meaning a dysfunctional system that stinks to high heaven!). (click on pics for enlarged view.

all pics unashamedly lifted from www without payment). It was a week when PM 6-Star General (Retd) Rosemajib was too bogged down with budgetary concerns to announce yet another much awaited ‘1... something’ to galvanize national unity. As much awaited as another bout of swine, bovine or avian induced pandemic flu or virus! But the poor nation was not spared any relief as certain “Educationists”, venerated as “Playboy centrefold enthusiasts” and “Captains of Industry”, celebrated as “Glocal Fraudtrepreneurs”, sprung up like the malodorous waftings from the bucket system jambans of yore sneaking up on unsuspecting brilliantly planned and aligned downwind constructed housing estates, to fill in the much desired vacuum.

Even as the national education systern lay in tatters, these Educationists (Playboy centerfold enthusiasts) had surfaced from deep within the bowels of the Ministry of Education and with pin point accuracy identified the real cause of deteriorating academic standards, performances and polarisation in schools and institutions of higher learning! It was boldly declared that the indisputable primary cause of 40 years of decline of the New Education Systern (a new Genius Book of Records entry) was that headpersons, teachers and students were introduced too early to separate streaming practices. They were prematurely pressed onto to the creaking tiles of a systern that could not cope with the steamy wanton deposit of such youthful human wastage and exertions! National disunity was in array; wrongly engendered by having ‘His” and ‘Her” toilet systerns.

Chief spokesperson for the ‘1 Nation, 1 Systern’ movement, Dr. John Mary Shanks (PhD in Anal Retention and Pileates Techniques) was hopeful the nation would accommode this new initiative of 1 common toilet systern for all sexes, staff and students in schools, colleges and universities.

He gushed that previously elitist male members would now have the tools, avenues, locations and opportunities to breach the gaps that now exists with female students and that divides headpersons, teachers and students, for all time, i.e. the “crap trap amber stream claptrap” mindset would be flushed away down the toilet tubes forever.

However, moon faced Ustaz Saddam Ahmadinejad Obasama from Jalan Tandas, PJ, put the proverbial spanner in the works before the Minister of Education could pass motion in Parliament, by observing that the matter would have to be re-examined by the religious authorities vis-a-vis close proximity among the sexes rules!

Elsewhere, 1Nation champion, PM 6-Star General (Retd) Rosemajib informed the nation from the majestic Sri Kakus hotel:

"We have a Master Plan in the pipeline. We have oreddy placed a man on the big job. It shall be none other than Gen (ret'd) Dato Bloo Boy, who will head a Super Quango Toilet Task Force with a $ billion budget. Dato BB also brings with him many years of seat warming as Chairman of SPLAT Ltd. (Standard Patents for Latrines for Army Training ). He shall be ably assisted by our very own Datin Chew May Dove Dettol from the MsEconomicPlanningUnit@gov.con . Datin, formerly Chief Operating Officer of SLASH Plc (Standard Latrines and Automated Shit Houses) has a certified E@cons PhD scroll and brings with her loads and buckets of experience in General Education AND solid & liquid waste systerns! We shall leave no chain unpulled, stool unseated or tissue unrecycled to get to the bottom of the problem! All deposits will be fully guaranteed by our Central Bank and MoF! The full report will be out by the later of 2020 and the Mars manned landing!"