THE NEXT GOVERNMENT.

BARISAN RAKYAT SHALL FORM THE NEXT GOVERNMENT!

SOS

SOS
nation in distress

The World Anthem


WE ARE ALL OF 1 RACE, THE HUMAN RACE.


04/07/2010

20,000 LEAGUES FOR THE DAMN OSCARS!

by chichakman pontianak spielsramliburger, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for d movies and d arts affairs

(CLICK ON PICS FOR ENLARGED VIEW)

The year is only six months gone. Yet the amount of material that has surfaced for books and movies has reached a phenomenal all-time world record high in 1Nation, 3 Systerns (systems + cisterns) Bolihland.

Here’s a slection of 5 stories that could easily be vieing for the little known DAMN (donplaypuks® Academy of Movie News) organization which was set up in 2009 to recognize excellence of professionals in the local film industry, including directors, actors, actresses and writers with an annual award of DAMN Oscars.

To recap on the DAMN Oscars, click click here

“The formal ceremony at which the 2011 DAMN Oscars awards will be presented shall be held at the open-air Gong Badak World Class Stadium in KT and televised globally. It is expected to be one of the most prominent award ceremonies in the world, attracting film stars, producers and glitterati from Hollywood, Bollywood, Kollywood and Honkytonkywood, overshadowing other international award ceremonies such as the Hollywood Oscars, Hammy (best ham actor), Emmy, Grammy (best grandmother story), Bafta, Tony (Tony Roma, best Steaks), Cannes (best tin cans), Bata (best school shoes), Buntutsan Awards (best bad- ass racist journo) and the like.”

1. 20,000 LEAGUES ABOVE THE OCEAN 
A totally fictitious account of the world’s first $4 billion ($2.5b+30% ali baba+$540m+ 270m+$1.2b miss-iles+$1b rounding up) sampan class scorepenis submarine (retractable protoscoped periscope with DNA ID function and manufactured reports optional). It never sinks, but is nevertheless fully operational, armed with $1.2 million each guided exocet missiles to patrol our coasts to stop illegal Indon immigration and “wolves in the woods” from subverting national security!!

2. 20,000 LEAGUES ACROSS THE OCEAN WITHOUT ENGINES, WINGS AND PLANES

A totally fictional fairytale cartoon account of $50 million jet engines that can fly without a plane, and $200 million planes that can fly without engines and wings. Certified valid and ratified at Uruguay Round Talks on (extinct) GATT.  

Attorney General Ganesh Patel charges a 3rd class Indian airforce private and a private sector entrepreneur kachang puteh (peanut) seller with theft and treason.

The services of 15 Airforce generals and top brass are terminated at the same time without compensation, which AG Ganesh Patel clarifies is a totally isolated and unrelated incident.

 3. 20,000 LEAGUES ACROSS AFGHAN MOUNTAINS, VALLEYS & PLAINS

A totally fictitious noir story of a $ 8 billion ($5b+30% ali baba+10% service charge+5%+$1b rounding up) contract awarded to a car AP (Approved Permit) pedlar for designing, manufacturing, testing and commissioning (+30%+10%+5%) state-of-theatre light armoured tanks for UN (UMNO New) sponsored Afgham monitoring (war games) missions.

$77 million paid spokesmen for Defence Minister Al Kayder Zawahri, reveal to a startled nation that there’s absolutely no rumour to the truth that defence forces had been infiltrated or national security compromised, by Al Qaeda terrorist spies.

4. 20,000 LEAGUES OVER KEPO SAYANG CRACKO CROOKED BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS

Based on a childrens’ nursery rhyme, this cartoon fable is about a once crooked apanama acerbic great pharoah who walked a crooked mile. He found himself in a crooked dilemma and so gave a non-tendered/direct nego contract to a croney to build a $3 billion crooked bridge. The project was subsequently aborted with compensation of $700 million paid to the croney. Then they spent it all and so demanded as of birthright Version 2.0 of an even more crooked bridge at twice the crooked cost+30%+5%+10% excluding state royalty or $5 billion with VO's, whichever is the greater.

great pharoah dismisses criticisms that it's a thinly disguised monomaniacal attempt to reclaim lost land, lost waters and lost sand as a sovereign right and start World War 3 at any cost (+10%+1/3x60%+GST+full compensation rights for suspended works and War Tribunal Costs). 

“How could that be?” protesteths great pharoah, "Think carefully now. My ancestors are from Kerala, India. We believe in prosper thy neighbour (to bankruptcy) policies!”  

5. 20,000 LEAGUES THROUGH SIVER STATE FOR CASINO ROYALE

A betting man's heart wrenching, endlessly twisting made-for-Escot Satellite TV thriller fiction movie about the 20-year journey of a Kroney Korpo Rat Kepten Tycoon, Vincy Baby, who travels 20,000 leagues all over Ipoh and Perak and finally secures a free licence to print money for his Successful Group of public listed companies(SG Plc).
 
The government of the Rosemajibs, comprising below King & Queen status 1st lady de facto PM who wears the pants and her husband, approve in writing but not award, a state-of-the-art money printing machine licence in the form of a Letter of Intent (LOI) to SG Plc. The award is “certain but still under con-sideration”. The Korpo Rat Kepten, as a sign of corpulent social responsibility (CSR) pledges to “donate” $575 million (to himself) for worthy causes, to be disbursed by one Deepackemin Rosemah and her mustachioed husband, Mumtaz Taj Mahal Jahat!

Initial costings were brilliantly budgeted at $zero. But soon an ali baba roti chanai cum “global” rice trader, Said Ideal, “buys” 30% into the project planned to be housed in in a $400 million palatial building dubbed ‘Casino Royale.’ $400 milion +30%+30%+ road and flyover works to Monaco soars to over $800 million excluding pure gold for taps and faucets, cheap furniture from NY, London and Paris, Italan marble and World Class (WC) works of art!

Then the Rosemajibs reveal a surprise Govt audit had exposed  shockingly fraudulent accounting by SG plc and Said Ideal. The SC (Secured Crooks) invites several financial reporters and their lawyers for cold tea, cold turkey sandwiches and cold unbuttered and strawberried scones.

The Casino Royale LOI is duly "withdrawn under con-sideration??!!" SG Plc’s Kroney Korpo Rat Kepten and Said Ideal are last seen wandering around Pudu Jail and the banks of Bamboo River and Iron River!! 

The half completed Casino Royale palatial building is re-designated a UN (UMNO New) sanctioned cultural centre with a con-pletion budget of an additional measly $2 billion with unforeseeable VO add-ons. 

The movie ends with the memorable lines,"Frankly my dear, I don't give a DAMN, Oscars or not. After all it's not a karaoke joint or fuckshop for a Chinese contractor is it??!! We deserve World Class (WC) Arab-domed ones, don't we?" from the perennially foot-in-mouth disease suffering Minister for The Arts, Culture, Media and Law, Tim Rice Anak Yatim Nazi!!

Do write in with your own movie suggestions for the 2011 DAMN Oscars!

donplaypuks® with our movies, man!

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