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14/05/2007

BOTHAMSWINGSBOTHWAYS

EX-R2D2DPHITSFMAM & 5AM JEDI MASTER SUES EX-CHIEF JEDI MASTER PLANNER OF THE REALM FOR RM 100 BILLION

By Mamak Geoffrey 50 Dhal Roti Chanai Nor Ali Bacha, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for Legal and Gay Affairs

Mamak Annuar Bothamswingsways Nor Ali Bacha, Former R2D2DPHITSFMAM & 5AM ex-Jedi Master Planner of The Realm popularly called ‘Bothamswingsbothways’ Tuesday filed a defamation suit against ex-Chief Jedi Master Planner of The Realm, Rama Maha Firaun Darthvader Jedi 1, affectionately as Pak Che Tak Bajet or Tak Bajet for short, for RM 100 billion.

Speaking from Washington, where he is lechering as a Voice of Moderation in Religion and Global Politics, Bothamswingsbothways said,`I am really pissed off that Tak Bajet still casts aspersion in public on my alleged (expunged) inclinations. The nation's highest court has cleared me of all charges. Now I have no choice but to sue that old goat. I am not interested in money, but justice must not only be seen to be done, but must be actually done. What his agenda is I do not know, but he seems to stirring up a lot of tahi (shit) after retirement, going after that rAPidfire Jedi Master Planner of The Realm for Mitigation & Motors, and car company ENIGMA or ElectronNuetronIntraGormenMotorAgency. This will all back-fire on him, especially so as it has its roots in the 20 years of Tak Bajet’s tenure as the nation’s numero uno samurai.’

Tak Bajet, speaking from on top of his favourite horse `My Way’ at a local Keora Orange Equestrian Club said 'Bothamswingsbothways is entitled to exercise his rights under the law, and so am I. I believe he has strange (expunged) desires. At least one judge said that in that infamous verdict, so I am entitled to my opinion. But there is more evidence which I will reveal in due course. Actually, no need poof to know he is a (expunged). But even during the earlier trials there were many accurate reports in the thothally independent New StateThime, of Bothamswingsbothways' (expunged) tendencies :-

1. Jaafrust Ali Liwat, his class teacher at the famous MC Hammer College who said 'Bothamswingsbothways had even then, in his early years, exhibited suspicious (expunged) behaviour. For example, he never used to go near the girls, but would only hang around everywhere with the boys, including, but not limited to, the showers, after football and rugby (Hang on, wasn’t MCHC a Full Boarding Boys’ School? Yes, but that is a minor point)

There were other symptoms. He was heard saying 'bugger-off' on a number of occasions to the prefects. He would not play singles in Badminton, Ping Pong or Tennis, and always wanted to play in the back-row in rugby scrums, refused to volunteer to act in the class play, 'Romeo & Juliet' but then entered his own farce called 'Tuah and The Four Male Musketeers' for the Malay Society. In his senior graduating year, he played the part of Brick in the school play `Cat on A Hot Tin Roof’, you know, that famous play on peculiar (expunged) tendencies by Tennessee Williams.’

2. Retired former Chief Secretary to MoF Inc Ltd, Latok Wan Moh Dollah , now chairman of listed concern United Cars, Bikes, Motorbikes, Trucks, Lorries & Tow-Trucks and All Public Transport (drawing a monthly salary of RM 100,000 with Car, Mercedes C Class, Chauffer, Personal Secretary, Financial Assistant and 6-months guaranteed bonus per annum, as part of a moderate package) revealed to me,

‘I had accompanied Bothamswingsbothways on numerous official overseas trips to London, Paris and Washington. On these trips Bothamswingsbothways, as soon as meetings were over, would disappear alone without leaving word as to his whereabouts, and return to his hotel room at 5 a.m, humming that popular peculiar (expunged) tendencies song `Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover’ by those two famous Zionist konspirasi-Jewish singers, Simone & Garfunkleburger. This was especially so in Washington, where Bothamswingbothways now lechers in a University.

Tak Bajet, on the other hand, would start work at 5 a.m. and go on working till 5a.m. the next morning, and exhaust and kill us all, but he was very open, challenging, and full of fun, and we never had time to go out and enjoy the nightc…, no I mean, the nice culture of the countries. Bothamswingsbothways' conduct was always suspicious, what you would expect from a (expunged), but apparently a very jayful one at that.’

3. Former Lower R2D2DMFM for Higher Rural Agro, Tension & Farmers’ Huts, Latok Anwar No Dollah, now under investigation by the Also Corrup Association for alleged fraud of RM 100 million, said that 'Bothamswingsbothways, as a Jedi Master Planner of The Realm, was a very suspicious character. He would poke his nose and other parts where he had no authority and ask all kinds of suspicious questions. Once, I accidentally heard him say he was energized by that song `Wake Me Up B4 U Go-Go’ by George Michael, that famous ‘Wham’ singer with peculiar (expunged) urges.’

4. His adopted brother, Susila Soekarno Suharto, 35 and single, was always seen in the company of men only at his Mens’ Barber Shop in Kampong Pondan Dalam.

5. Retired Judge Jackup Air, speaking from his RM2 million bungalow in Subang Pasu Heights, said he had no regrets convicting Bothamswingsbothways of (expunged) his ex-driver, Azizah Ash Burn, now MD of menswear fashion company ‘The Feminine Touch’.

‘It was a no-holes barred legal battle. Bothamswingsbothways had engaged a barrage of the best legal brains money could buy. But you must realize that in our country, we have some of the best judges that money alone cannot buy.

I was moved to tears by the sincere oral submissions of Ash Burn. Even though mid-way during the trial Ash was convicted of committing (expunged) in another court, this did not, in my sincerest and considered opinion, affect Ash’s higher moral ground stance or credibility.

Furthermore, the fact that the apartment where the allegedly sordid acts took place was actually not built until several months after Ash first said the (expunged) took place (an alibi offered by the defence), or that the Jedi Polis Raja then fixed the vague date of the (expunged) act only after confiscating Bothamswingsbothways' personal diaries, or that at first Ash had claimed the (expunged) acts took place 5 years before the date in the charge sheet, in several leading 5-star hotels, none of which he could remember or name - these were all very minor discrepancies.
The body of evidence undert…, no I mean tabled in court, taken as a hole, shifted the balance of probabilities in favour of Ash, and against Bothamswingsbothways. The principle of Res ipsa loquitur (the thing speaks for itself) was never more applicable than in this case. Surely, there is no smoke without fire in which instance, you do not need to see the perpertrator with hand on someone else’s gun.’

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