‘NEP ON VERGE OF COLLAPSE SAYS CEO’

by Thomas Edison Nescimento, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for Energy, Power Roots & Cubic Roots Affairs

New Electric & Power (NEP) Corp CEO and HavOxBridge triple degree graduate, Latok Omar Harun Moh Shah (OHMS) had some electrifying disclosures to make to Thomas Edison Nescimento (TEN) of donplaypuks®, in a frank and candid interview in the Capital, about the corporation’s state of affairs.

TEN Are you serious OHMS, is it switch-off time for the NEP, is that the final fade-out?

OHMS More like a black-out, I think. Well, the picture is not pretty; pretty grim actually!

TEN What’s the problem? You seem to be seething with incandescent rage.

OHMS Simple Mathematics, let me show you what NEP’s problem is for FY 06:
Total Debt $ 34 billion
Annual capital expenditure (capex) $ 5 billion
Annual Profit B4 Interest $ 4 billion
Interest $ 1.5 billion
NPP collaterized gagsterized Zero Risk
Gaji Buta kopi- money $ 3 billion
Therefore:
Cash Flow for reducing debt principal $ Kosong (zero)
Cash Flow for capex $ Zilch (zero)
Cash Flow for business expansion $ Nada (zero)
QED

TEN How did the current situation develop? NEP has a monopoly, and was the darling of the stock market when it was privatized and listed, yet it is now static.

OHMS For sure, we have carried out a thothally independent inthernal investigation and the honest finding is that no one is at fault!!

TEN What about the burden of the New Power Players (NPP)?

OHMS Yes, many NPP’s were given very generous take-or-pay contracts with added cost escalation clauses during the rule of ex-Chief Jedi Master Planner of The Realm, Maha Firaun Rama Sith Jedi I or Pak Che Tak Bajet. Big cables were pulled. We objected vehemently, but were powerless to stop him or short-circuit the EMU
(EconomicMsplanningUnit@gov.con).

Today all these NPP’s generate better RoE (Return on Equity) and ROCE (Return On Capital Employed) than NEP. If the NPP’s can, they will also siphon off the collection arm, which is a no-brainer job with plenty of cash flow.

TEN So, what about the time-honoured and tested practice of direct action currently? Cutting overheads, down-sizing, re-structuring, re-wiring, re-engineering and so on?

OHMS There is, and always has been, great resistance to any downsizing or re-structuring.

TEN From the staff, unions and NPP’s?

OHMS No, from the Gormen. Staffing changes and Voluntary Divorce Schemes (VDS) are vote-losing issues. So, chances of any action in this direction – Nil.

TEN Alternatively, what’s the current line of thinking.

OHMS More like not thinking. Inertia. Only a jolt of high voltage up the Khyber is likely to produce the desired positive effects. Otherwise the patient is in terminal condition.

TEN Surely, something can and must be done. Have you talked to your overseas counterparts?

OHMS Lots can be done. I have held talks with many of my peers from other countries, like James Watts of UK, Joules Amperes of France, Dynamo Kiev of Russia, Joseph Volta of Yugoslavia, George Ohm from Germany, Pak Gelap of Indonesia, Sam Transformerson of USA, See No Rights from PCR, Minnal Iddy Adi Idly of India, Minsaram Sothi from Sri Lanka, and many, many others.

Their view is that all the NPP contracts should be cancelled and re-tendered out. NEP can produce power at a fraction of the take-or-pay rates generously / extortionately given out earlier.

But there is a lot of resistance, and smokescreens from the NPP’s; now they waffle about IRR’s, ‘sanctity of contracts’ and extending the concession period to 33 years. This is the free ride mentality, especially when the cost of the power stations would have been fully written-off by the NPP’s, and borrowings, if any, repaid, at the end of 21 years. So, even if, at the end of 21 years, they tear down the power-stations, there would be no loss whatsoever to the NPP’s.

NEP does not need the additional power-supply anyway. We are bound, gagged and sodo meed by 40% reserve margins we do not need. And now they have got the Bondholders’ Mafia and Bangs out to defend them even though the profits are more than sufficient to service interest costs and still give a decent return on capital. 18% IRR (Internal Rate of Return) is an industry joke for a Zero-Risk, 100% output buy-back NEP guaranteed Charity; you seriously cannot call this type of NPP deal a business venture or entrepreneurship. If they had tendered out these NPP contracts on these same give-away terms, everybody’s grandmother and uncles would have gone for these100% Bangable deals!! The Bangs were falling over each other in the rush to finance these deals.

A great deal of sandiwara, wayang kulit. Even if the NPPs’ profits were cut by half, their RoE would still be higher than NEP’s. So, NEP’s best options is to push out some articles in the dailies about Oso Corrup Association (OCA) inquiries on who the NPP’s handed D24 durians and guava hampers to when the got their ‘jambu’ contracts earlier. You’ll find the NPP’s rushing to re-negotiate ‘in the National Interest.’

Over manning is another huge problem, cuts and sheddings should be made – at least 1/3 can go across the board, in my opinion. But the Jedi Master Planner of The Realm has neither the capacitors nor Magdeburg Hemisphere Balls for this kind of action. No one knows who’s really in charge.

TEN So, what’s the solution?

OHMS When in doubt, there’s only one way out. Sucker punch the captive cows. We will have to keep raising tariffs and rates, this year and next year.... !! One day soon, the People will wake up and revolt and overthrow their Sith Jedi Master Planners of The Realm.

TEN Dammit!! Shocking isn’t it?

OHMS Yes, we tried to dam it, but now more dams are being built, and you know the mother of them all – Bunkum Dam and $10 billion untested undersea cables which will surely earn us another entry in the 'Bolehland Genius Book of Records' . Well, can’t dwell on negatives, must get on with the job. I’m off.

TEN Where to?

OHMS First, to appeal to the MoF about their thothally unfair rejection of my proposal for my 100% increase in Salary while accepting an excessive 5% increase for the peas..., er, no, the general staff. Next, to the Bahamas to re-charge my batteries. Finally, for a tour of Power Corporations in the region, i.e. San Francisco, Thokyo, New York, Munich, London & Paris, to draw up a Black Out Paper - ‘M’sia – Regional Hub for Power.’ Work, work, work! I’m all wired up.

TEN And who's funding all that Research cum Travel - Lawatan Sambil Belajar - Budget?

OHMS Why it's all on OHMSS of course, didn't you know! On His Majesty's Secret Service!! Can't tell you more. Covered by OSIBISA (Official Secrets in Intelligence, Banking and Internal Security Act). Ciao!
donplaypuks® with my cable, man!
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NEP In-House Riddles

Q. How many South Sea Islanders in French Polynesia does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They don’t need bulbs. They all glow in the dark!

Q. How many NEP maintenance technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 6. One to stand on the table and hold the bulb and five to turn the table.

Q. How many Indians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 50. One to screw the bulb in and 49 to stand around, shake their heads and say ‘It won’t work.’

Q How many Chinamen does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. To Alibabaji sub-contract it.

A. One.

Q. How many astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?

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