by, nimrod manglish, donplaypuks® intlepid collesponden for national ranguage affairs.‘I seck enuff is enuff leh. We plefer tich Signs and Mads in mudder tongue in Vernacular School. We objek to tich Signs and Mads in Engrish. We propo the honoulable Master Planner of the Realm for Ejukashen stick to the Congstituishen and lespect honoulable parents’ wish for their chewdrens to be ejucate forrow their wish. We have no ploblem compulsory tich Signs and Mads in Bahasa Marasia or Engrish in Govermen or Plivate School. But in Chinese Vernacular School, we ingsist tich in mudder tongue, Mandalin. You ungderstang or not ah!’
So protested a very voluble, disturbed, furious and red-faced Running Dog Mao En Lai, Chairman of Long Dong Zonked Charsiu Pau Chinese Education Association.
‘Our cowture and ranguage is most impoten to us. Dis experimen ah, conpulsory to tich Signs & Mads in Engrish in Govt and Vernacular Schools, is vely, vely big fairure. It’s all the faurt of former Chief Master Planner of the Realm, Rama Maha Firaun The First who force us to chain to Engrish.
Now orr our chewdrens spik half pass sick Engrish, half-pass sick or no Chinese, half pass sick or no Tamil and half-pass sick or no Bahasa Malaysia. Our chewdren oso don appleciate our ancient Chinese cowture anymore. Orr interested ony in computer game, MTV, unlear learity show, disco, lap, shopping and lepak (hanging out) in shopping mawr. They don even watch Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan kung-fu movies nowaday. Ony watch Amelican Idor or Heloes mah!
Niamah!! We now plan big, vely big public plotes against Govermen if they don chain the system. Of courr, pissful plotes. But we not aflaid the mata mata (police), water cannon, pepper water or tear gas loh.
Meanwhile, Miki Moto Mukh San, newly elected MP and son of Rama Maha Firaun The First, filed a $100 million defamation lawsuit against leading newspapers in Kuala Lumpur High Court, including Buntutsan Toilet Newspaper, for publishing remarks apparently attributed to him for his stance on the Vernacular School system.
‘Konnichiwa. I regret that my proposal to have a single type of integrated national school system has been deliberately misquoted and quoted out of context by Zionist and United States of America Shaitan controlled news agencies and press, including I am surprised to note, The New State Parsley Sage Rosemary Thighmes Newspaper.
I did not say that Vernacular Schools will have to be closed down or abolished. Only that they will all have to follow a single system of teaching all subjects including English, in Bahasa Melayu. Like Singapore, we should stop all Government Per Capita and Development Grants to Vernacular Schools which elect not to integrate. With this policy, like the dinosaur, these Vernacular Schools will eventually extinctcise out.
Why, when I encountered having to study in Bahasa Malaysia, my honourable papa san packed me off to Japan and Shaitan United States of America. Arigato and Sayonara. Ai shiteru!’
Master Planner of The Realm for Lower, Middle, Higher and any other form @MsEducation.gov.con, Kerismuddin Onn The Wagon, when asked to comment on the Long Dong Zonked Charsiu Pau Chinese Education Association’s proposal, stressed vehemently that it was a ‘definite maybe’ that a dual system of education would be maintained.
‘It’s awfleh difficult what, to fathom what these blighter immigrants desire. Good Lord, why, when I encountered our superb national education system, my papa packed me off to Alice Smith’s in KL and then to London and Wales. Sure, it cost a small fortune, but it was worth every penny, millions of it, wot!
It was Rama Maha Firaun The First who changed the medium of instruction for Science and Maths to English some years ago to improve our students’ command of English. We all agreed it was a good move and swung into action with lightning speed. We inducted thousands of teachers with little or no command of English whatsoever into special English Language Teaching Training Courses. They all graduated brilliantly with honours and Phd’s in English, in five months!! Malaysia Boleh! (Malaysia Can!!). How extraordinary, dent you think, Jeeves?
Now, when we are near reaping the rich rewards of this switch to English, these Communists want to take a retrograde step. Hah, you think we with the culture of brandishing the Keris menacingly in public and the concept of Ketuanan Melayu (Malay Supremacy) firmly in place, are afraid of a few Communists manipulated by Western agitators? You think we are afraid of threats of public protests and demonstrations?
The last time these subversive urban terrorist elements tried this kind of cheap stunts, in 1987, Maha Firaun locked up 106 of them under the ISA (Internal Security Act). We will not hesitate to take strong action again these racists and demagogues.’
Responding to calls for clarification from the Indian community, Pallikuda Lingam, Chairman of Indraf (Indian Rights Action Force) Sangam, speaking from Chennai in India said,
‘Something firrm must be done about our Yeducation System. Ve see that our Universities are not featuring yin the top 200 yin the verld. Few of our children speak their mother tongue. Their command of Bahasa Malaysia yis wonly passable, while almost without yexception, most Malaysians nowadays yave an yinstinctive, brilliant command of ungrammatical yinventive Manglish.
Yin fact, many students yave a betterr command of Yinglish than their teachers. Believe me, that yis as pathetic as ve can get!! I yam proposing we yave one yintegrated schooling system with Bahasa Malaysia as the main language of instruction with Yinglish Language and grammar compulsory from Stanadard 1. Mother tongue and cultural concerns can be protected vith the re-yintroduction of Peoples’ Own Language yin wall schools. The teaching of Science and Maths yin Yinglish can be made compulsory when students commence O Levels.
More than that, the Ministry must revamp the the yentire yeducation system by yaddressing yimportant issues such as wall-graduate yentry level and training of teachers, a more yequitable mix of teachers and male:female teacher ratios and compulsory wall-round yeducation.
Yin the final yanalysis, if ve yembrace the principle of MERITOCRACY, ve cannot, shall not be failing !!’
donplaypuks® with my education, man!
18 comments:
DPP,
Thanks for a highly entertaining and yet thought provoking post.I almost did not survive reading this satirical masterpiece for I laughed just too much :-). You have perfectly blended satire with humor and the sad reality of the state of Manglish.
Best wishes to you and your family for this festive season.
Take care.
What's astonishing is that the call for going back to the old system comes from an elite Chinese group now being given face by MCA!!!
Since when did the Chinese have a problem learning English?
No, some serious unholy horse trading is going on between the extremists and fundamentalists in UMNO and MCA.
The only way out for us is not to vote BN at all!!
dpp
DPP,
Brilliant, as usual.
I feel this Mandarin thingy is nothing more than sandiwara lah. I know that most Chinese want their kids to be competent in English.
So could this be MCA's ticket back into Chinese hearts, and out of the Barisan? A case of too little, too late, me thinks.
Pat
Hi Pat
MCA leaders are still treating their rank and file members as imbeciles. The more they play the race and Mandarin card, the more MCA, like MIC, will become irrelevant. I 'd be surprised if they retain more than a handful of Parliamentary seats come 2013. Thye need to stand up to UMNO and not be seen as its poodle.
The problem and issue is not just Science & Maths. It's the entire education system which is rotten to the core and that needs to be fixed, pronto!!
dpp
DPP,
You are right. Something is dodgy and like what I wrote in my comment for a post on education in my blog recently, when policies change, something else changes hands and new contracts spring out of nowhere.
What we have are heartless and greedy politicians who masquerade as concerned ethnocentric leaders when in fact they are money-centric monsters.
Who suffers?
The kids and ultimately the country.
Do they care? Not at all.
And so the rot continues and definitely BN MUST GO! The sooner, the better. Yup - pronto!
Hopefully more and more are waking up to the harsh reality of the state of affairs in our country!
Haiya Bro,
I luff loud loud until I roling roling on the wood floor since I read your post la...
One time dey say Engrish den they say want BM and now dey want ony sains and mads in english i oso dono la...confius oredi.
Hi Ar
Truly flip flop policies. Guess whose legacy this is?
dpp
Then let me re-quote Lee Kuan Yew:
Singaporean politician Lee Kuan Yew of the PAP, who publicly questioned the need for Article 153 in parliament, and called for a "Malaysian Malaysia".
In a speech, Lee Kuan Yew bemoaned what would later be described as the Malaysia social contract:
"According to history, malays began to migrate to Malaysia in noticeable numbers only about 700 years ago. Of the 39% malays in Malaysia today, about one-third are comparatively new immigrants like the secretary-general of Umno, Dato Syed Jaafar, who came to Malaya from Indonesia just before the war at the age of more than thirty. Therefore it is wrong and illogical for a particular racial group to think that they are more justified to be called Malaysians and that the others can become Malaysians only through their favour."
Eventually, and Singapore became an independent nation in 1965, with Lee Kuan Yew as its first prime minister.
The Barisan government has achieved 0% in reversing the trend of racism.
While South Africa has disbanded racism through the government's initiative after the global news onslaught, our government leaders are propagating FACISM and RACISM in every way.
In term of racism, we are the most uncivilised country in the world. Look into our neighbouring countries of Asia, they are advancing economically on a straight forward objective, for their citizens.
Whereas we are moving in deviationist path, widely off the international economic theory for the sole objective, of propelling the well being of a supreme race.
Mahathir era is over, here we have Badawi. Is he changing the trend? Not a single sign of it.
How about the future under Najib? Sad, sad. They have more camouflage in readiness.
Truly, DPP, you're a master of Advanced Manglish as spoken by a broad spectrum of ethnoliguistic groups. Would you consider applying for the position of Vice-Chancellor at the Manglish University of Malaysia? I used to teach Manglish poetry there.
Dear Antares
Would love to be VC in Uni of Manglish. But most Maddaya Profs in Bolehland Unis never publish papers and still get life tenure.
So they won't pck me even if I were the only candidate. You need to be a 'prince of the earth' where meritocracy is frwoned upon.
dpp
DPP,
Tq for this highly entertaining post. It's very depressing to note how s'thg as crucial as our chn's education has become a circus ground for our politician clowns.
Is all the hue & cry (over the teaching or non-teaching of Maths & Sc in mother languages) really out of concern for our future generations or small-minded concern for just the language itself?? Why do they refuse to acknowledge that many parents (regardless of their own mother tongue) actually want those subjects to be cont'd in English?
Both the primary & secondary schools that my chn attend have only less than 10% non-malay student population and yet both PTAs are supporting the move to cont'd in english.
If I m not mistaken the 7 options being explored by the Education Ministry do not include the main alternative (ie to set up english medium schools as an option)as recommended by PAGE. So need we wonder whose agenda is the ministry trying to fulfill with the endless roundtable discussions? I'm sure a juicy lump of taxpayers $$ would have been spent on these 'discussions'.
How lucky the parents who can afford to send their kids to private schools :-(.
Hi Anonymous
Its obvious the doctrinaire politicians are pushing an agenda that the majority of Malays themselves are not championing.
We all, including the Royalty, Ministers and their overseas educated children and most Malay parents know the importance of English and English Literature and that it must be taught as a subject inclusive of grammar etc right from Standard 1 as it used to be.
Yet some Chinese and Malays are going in the opposite direction. And now that worthless Samy Velu is joining that same bandwagon.
We must stop themat all costs!!
dpp
Wah, very provoking ma..
Zawir
Thanks for visiting. You have your own blog?
dpp
Btw Zawir
I'm also Pisces!
dpp
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