CLUELESS CLUEDO!

by sherlock pornthip roja,
donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for inquest affairs













October got off on the wrong foot with the failure to award the Noble Pissed-off Prize to Bush or Ex-Master Jedi Sith Lord of The Realm Maha Rama Firaun The 1^st. Instead, it went to the greenhorn, Obama!

Bush was pissed off because he could not declare, like they do sychophantically in relevant fashion after every Olympic Games and World Cup soccer, that “it was the best Presidency ever!” After all, Bush placed American presence and their war machinery so that they could fight for peace everywhere. A bit like “fucking to restore virginity” weren’t it? Obama had grabbed the Noble Pissed-off Prize for the mere whiff of a promise of an iota of peace. He had then immediately sat down with the warmongering rabid generals and spinmasters to see how they could increase real USA troop numbers in Iraq and Afghanistan and not seem to be in conflict with his earlier presidential campaign promise to pull out by yesterday!! Let’s not even start asking about closing down Gitmo by year end.

Ex-Master Jedi Sith Lord of The Realm Maha Rama Firaun The 1^st and his band of “we want the old corrupt ways back, not the new” breast-beaters and back-whippers also predictably responded with a plan to host an international seminar to criminalise war. Their real agenda is to bring to book Bush and Blair who admittedly, lied to the world about WMD’s (Weapons of Mass Destruction) to justify their oil grab putsch! Firaun and his sycophants had also ranted with the ususal over-worn cliche that 'history is written by the victors' and demanded that Churchill and Truman be indicted for the destruction of Dresden and Hisroshima/Nagasaki diring Word War 2.

It isn’t as though had the world had an Earth War Criminal Act in 1939, Hitler or Hirohito would have meekly backed off to retire to interior decoration and skewering porpoises as life-long hobbies. It is really a kind of mental deficiency, nay, congental idiocy, that can demand Churchill be brought to book for carpet bombing Dresden and Truman for nuking Hiroshima/Nagasaki, while ignoring the historical truths about who started WW2 and would not halt or surrender.

Out of an estimated 80 million civilian and miltary deaths in WW2, some 80% or 64 million were from the ALLIES!! And Maha Firaun thinks Churchill, Truman and Stalin should have gone crawling on their knees to Hitler and Hirohito to beg for peace or invoke Marquesse of Queensbury Rules to resolve the global conflict? If ever there were two cases at one time for genicode by universal consent, it was there in 1945! Thank God we don’t have to “Seig Heil” and salute to “Mein Feuhrer” or sing the Japanese National Anthem, Kamigayo:

“May the reign of the Emperor
continue for a thousand, nay, eight thousand generations
and for the eternity that it takes
for small pebbles to grow into a great rock
and become covered with moss.”

or bow fawningly like craven, spineless rabbits to the portrait of the Japanese Emperor and flag, as our parents had to all those years ago. Sometimes the end does justify the means!

At other times some just don’t seem to have a clue.

In a game of Cluedo, you could, in the early stages take a wild stab and declare:

“The vicar did it with the maid on top of the washing machine in the laundry room with the candle holder”

and be forced to withdraw such a cockamanie assertion to howls of derisive hoots and laughter.

But say, in real life, you had fifteen witnesses who swore under oath and testified at a Royal Commission of Inquiry (RCI) they all saw Chief Justice Lord Shaftesbury shoot Jeeves the butler in his family jewels area with his snub-nose 7 inch .38 as Jeeves was inflagranti delicto shafting Lady Shaftesbury on the dining table in the grand ball room last Tuesday. Now what sort of moral or legal dilemma could this pose to investigating oficer PC Plod or for the matter, the Attorney General, Ganesh Patel, that they should shelve the case as ‘No Further Action’ (NFA) claiming witnesses could not be located or incredibly, that “No crime has been committed!!”

Or let’s take the case of a two-bit actress suspected of being asexually involved with the married son of an infamous politician who is also her employer, much to the disgust of a cosmopolitan society with small town mentality. Then one fine day, the actress dies in her hospital bed in the emergency ward of a government hospital, stinking of poisonous, foul “kumquat juice”. Many samples of blood, body fluids and tissues of the actress mysteriously vanish from the hospital laboratory. The most honourable doctor, and they are all honourable doctors are they not, Chief MO waives the requirement for a mandatory autopsy even though the police had handed him the requisite legal order and forms. The family members all agree with great grief and concern but indecent haste that their beloved kin’s body should be incinerated at once, pronto.

Should we claim victory in this game of Cluedo and pump our fists up and down in the air while boldly declaring “that bitch actress kammitted swicide by yimbibing poisonous “kumquat juice” from a bottle which has mysteriously disappeared while she was all alone at her palatial apartment bought and paid for by the married son of an infamous politician with whom she was having an asexual platonic affair”?

A certain coroner did just that!!

Increasingly, the dead victim becomes the accused.

A young man with no previous criminal record is alleged to have been involved in a car theft ring after he is declared dead while in police custody. Eleven officers are initially suspended from work. A pathologist claims “death by water in the lungs.” A 2^nd pathologist rules “ death by internal bleeding arising from severe beating of the kidneys with a blunt instrument.” A single officer is charged with causing “grevious bodily harm.”

Another young man, called in as a witness to assist investigators is found dead, flung out to 9 floors below from the office windows of his interrogators. The stunning prognosis is sudden suicide! All the officers had gone home, leaving three total strangers alone in their office for hours. They say. Someone heard a single loud exclamation – “You!” - from the victim and another person’s meeting in the toilet. A bloody row, motive for murder. They say. He was involved in corrupt acts. They say. But he only had $3,000 in his bank account. Not exactly the sign of a billion $ Wall St. scam artist was it? Ah, he was depressed because he only had $3,000 for his marriage. That’s why he committed suicide. They say. But why commit suicide in some strange place like that if he’d had a friendly tea-party session with his interrogators? Well, ssh! His fiance was expecting. More depression. They say. But he’d asked his best friend to be his best man at the wedding. Would a depressed person be plannning a grand wedding? Oh, we discharged him at 3 a.m.. They say. But then why was his handphone and car keys not returned to him? Why was his car still in the car park? After all, he was a witness, not a suspect as you swore? Why was he still in your office at 6 a.m. if he was discharged at 3 a.m.?

Oh, something suspicious was going on between him and his house mate or otw why would he stay with her and her family in a rented house. The universe might want to know, they say. You have proof of an affair? We never said anyone had an affair. They say. No sign of foul play. The government pathologists say. But all the signs are ther. Fractured skull, anal tear, contusions and strangulations are there. She says! Oh, paid to testify. They say.

Increasingly, the dead are challenged to defend themselves against scurrilous allegations which the authorities never intend to or can prove. Every stone is left unturned and cemented over to protect the very people who are supposedly there to protect the weak from the excesses of the strong and mighty.

Once more we live in dangerous times. Once more we need a Churchill, Ghandhi, Mandela or King to deliver us from organized evil which will snuff lives with the impunity and ease with which one might snap a dry twig underfoot.

donplaypuks® with my inquests, man!