A $50 Million, er..no.. $100 Million er no....$500 Million Christmas Carol

by ebeneezer screwged jane, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for aviation and war plane affairs










'little green apples' classic by o.c.smith



Aminah was dead, to begin with. She was dead as a door-nail. More than that. She was more dead than an exploded door-nail, the poor thing!!

It was a Carol that could not be sung in the Christmas of 2007.

Scurrilous bloggers might then have twisted ‘true facts’ to suit their own treasonous political leanings and scuppered the ruling party’s master plan to win the historic General Elections destined to be held in March 2008. God forbid that scurrilous bloggers should ever twist ‘false facts’. It might then truly herald the onset of Armageddon and unleash on the world Nostradamus’ Third Antichrist, Mabus (NB: Nostradamus named Napoleon as the first, and Hitler as the second, Antichrist).

The true tale was one that could chill even the cold cockles of a Scrooge’s heart and still have some left over to re-freeze for another eternity the polar caps, rendering the Copenhagen Convention an unnecessary indulgence.

It was a shame that in the fracas, Air Force 1M was unfairly consigned to the doghouse, caught in the crosshairs of sniping, frivolous commie bloggers and MSM editors for whom the ever busy ruling elite (and their shopaholic wives) had no time.

National honour and security had been at stake. Damn it, this was not a matter that could be tracted and retracted like some private dick’s statutory declarations!

If only they knew! If only!

Thus mused the world’s only 6-star Supreme Commander of Joint Forces and ex-Minister of Defence, General (retd) Rosemajib, as he chomped on his 555 brand 5 cents a piece beedi cheroot and blew smoke rings at the cracked marble ceiling (for which surely the maintenance warranty had not expired yet?) of his plush Successful Prince City Prime Minister’s office. This was an office which had a grand, majestic view of white, white marble colonnades, tree-lined boulevards, fountains and scintillating, shiny, sparkling steel suspension bridges and man-made lakes, designed as it was after 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, otherwise known as the West Wing (Sayap Barat) of the White House in Washington DC in good ol’ US of A.

But something was missing! What was it? Ah yes, covered car parks had been mysteriously omitted in the grand master architectural plans when even lamp post designs had been penetratingly viewed under an electron microscope. But then again, what need had an armada of proton sagas for protection from the scorching sun and elements? After all, we are only talking about respect for the national car, duh!!

The good ol’ US of A was of course the ‘Great Satan’ much despised by the founder of Successful Prince City, ex-Master Planner of the Realm and Sith Jedi Tak Bajet (Budget), Rama Maha Firaun the 1st. But such minor contradictions never deterred giant pricks like Firaun from undertaking massive erections, budgets standing or notwithstanding!

But now is the winter of our discontent, made inglorious summer by the double dickhead son of a bitch of an Airforce 1M General who did not know how to cover up a simple matter of $100 million of the taxpayers’ missing money and nation’s defence assets. Where do they grow them, these wonder weeds who will take a military matter to the cops and the Attorney General and shame the nation? Aah, for a few good men, how he yearned for them did General (retd) Rosemajib.

The true Carol could not be sung even in the Christmas of 2009. Christmas 2020? Perhaps!

But, how could it?

Aminah was dead to begin with, more dead than an exploded door-nail, the poor thing!

Much money had fled the country. The usurious mamak moneychangers had been caught with their pants down subverting the nation’s financial system and transferring $10 million via the Mamak Moneychanger Havala Mafia International Murky Shadowy Greasy Forex Exchange System. $10 million? What a piddling sum for a Chief Minister to be caught with his pants down for! Why at the height of the 1998 Asian Financial Crisis, our High Priest of Finance was seen fleeing with 60 suitcases filled to the brim with....$billions of $ and gold bars, wasn’t he? And they want us to take the 1st lady to court for a mere $600K transferred again illegally to Dubai by the Mamak Dons, for her to purchase much and urgently needed LV handbags, suitcases and shoes? Surely, her old collection of 500 pairs of each is insufficient for a 1st lady who also wears the pants? Now isn’t that selective persecution?

And should the Central Bank and MoF prosecute in the courts the Mamak Moneychanger Dons or the Money Launderers or both? In true local win-win solution and paradigm shafting, the answer is neither. A judicious donation (or even two during the Xmas season), Judge for yourself, always solves these thorny dilemmas of moral dimensions!!

So, if some felt, purely out of altruistic motives that some needed to quietly flog off a few of our crown jewels to generate some FDI’s, is that a crime? National interest comes first. Then come OSA, ISA, PPPA, Restricted Remand Order, 3 a.m. interrogations, water cannons, pepper laced tear gas, pulmonary edema, sudden suicide death while in custody, suicide death by accidental swallowing of paraquat and so on.

Anyway, the Honourable Minister of Defence, )and they are all honourable are they not Brutus?) had conducted a thorough investigation. No stone or F5E Tiger Jet Engine had been left unturned. A further thothally independent internal inquiry led by Wing Commandeer Hopitalong Kangaroo had expeditiously and justly concluded that no one was to be blamed although 40-odd air force personnel were sacked and one BG cashiered (with full pension and $500,000 per year onerous Chairmanship of Pilgrim’s Fund for life thrown in as additional severe punishment).

There is no rumour to the truth that other Generals, Ministers or politicians were involved in this minor brouhaha. Or that an Iranian espionage ring had infiltrated and compromised the nation’s internal security to gain access to high tech planes and weapons systems otherwise barred by UN sanctions and good ol’ US of A OTT (Over The Top) procurement terms and conditions. And certainly Firaun’s trip to an equestrian club in Argentina a few years ago had no connection with the recent ‘finding’ of one of the F5E Tiger Jet Engines there.

A nation slept with sonorous ease, pleased with the Defence Minister’s logical conclusion that Air Force IM’s logistics system was foolproof, that the record and inventory system of all national services was 1000% satisfactory.

The other case of missing 55 Skyhawks Bomber Jet Planes was only a figment of some blogger’s wild imagination. It wouldn't matter anyway after 2012, would it? I mean, one might as well invest in a Noah's Ark and a couple of cows, goats, chickens, white doves and some state-of-the-art scuba diving equipment, might not one!! For Christ's sake, what would fighter planes be good for with the whole world under water?

And Santa Claus really exists. Really!

And God didn't make them thorny yellow durians, and it don't rain in Sungei Besi Air Force Base in the summer time.
And there's no such thing as Dr. M, Scorpenis Submarines Commissions or PKFZ frauds, no pantun rhymes.
God didn't make them little red rambutans, and it don't rain in Butterworth Air Force Base in the winter time.
And when myself is feeling low, i think about her no immigration record C4’d lovely face and go and ease my mind.

Altogether now:

God didn’t make them mauve mangosteens....... C4'd lovely face....la, la, la... (to the tune of OC Smith’s ‘Little Green Apples’).

Merry X’mas y’all!!

donplaypuks® and filch our national assets, you filthy traitors!!

We are all of 1 race, the Human Race