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16/02/2011

KERISMUDIN BANS 35 UNLIKELY LOCAL BOOKS!

or The Apes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

by james joy's juice what the dickens, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for literally fiction affairs



Hot on the heels of police led raids on publishers and bookshops and confiscations of all known copies of 'The March To Putrajaya' by Kim Kwek (sounds very suspicious, this Chinese name with only two parts; must be a Zionist plot) and Zunar's cartoons, Home Minister Kerismudin I Apologise, Not, left no stone or page unturned in ferretting out more possibly seditious and dangerous books by local authors that might sow the seeds of riots and revolution as in Tunisia and Egypt.

Kerismudin claimed at a press conference at the national airport accompanied by 60 "empty" Xtra Large Samsonite suitcases and Buntutsan Daily and New State Parsely, Sage Rosemary and Thighimes Newspaper hacks that, of course, what had occurred in Tunisia and Egypt and had seemingly spread to Algeria, Bahrain and Yemen, could not possibly be replicated here because the people were in full possession of all the government works of fiction. Nevertheless, he proposed 'to nip things in the bud' as 'Squad Fahrenheit 451' flaming officers from his 'book 'em Dano' division went full swing into action to remove from bookshelves across the nation, 35 potentially "inflammatory" books penned by several local writers . Kersimudin assured the public that all flammatory books were safe.

The unlikely books, titles and authors' names are classified under OSIBISA (Official Secrets, Intelligence, Banking and Internal Security Act).

However, donplaypuks® through its moles in 'Squad Fahrenheit 451' managed to secure the highly classified unlikely list of books as follows:

  1. $100 Million Consultants? My Ass! by Rosemajib
  2. Civil Serpents by SS Sidek Cirkhusring
  3. Corretc!Corretc!Corretc! The Whole Tooth Fairy by Lingam’s Saucy Chili
  4. Dry Docks $4 Billion Floating Submarines by Aminah See Four
  5. End Affirmative Action Today! by I.Ali
  6. Fine Backstabbing Traditions by Kerismuddin
  7. Free Haircuts (in the dark) For Sikhs by NS Barber
  8. He Strangled Himself To Death by MA Cowes N. Carse
  9. How To Build The Taj Mahal for $3.5 million by K.Shah Jahan Toyota
  10. Interlok For Indians by G. Palani S.Velu
  11. Jet Engines of Uruguay by A.Ganesh Patel
  12. Kit, Don’t Lie! You Were There Last Summer by Maha Firaun
  13. Maha Firaun, Don’t Be Economical With The Truth! I Was Not There Last Summer by Kit
  14. Kugan’s Peaceful Death by Hole In The Head
  15. Lee Kuan Yew, My Best Friend by Maha Firaun
  16. Mgf Malott, Wecome To Malaysia! by Adolph H.Nazri
  17. National Bankruptcy Laboratory by Roti Jalai
  18. No Commissions, Love of Country by AR Rahman Bankindamoneybaginda
  19. No Cyberspace Censorship by BS Rice Tim
  20. No Highway Tolls For Thee (For The People, Yes) by NS Plus Saad
  21. Nuclear The Future by Chernobyl Tenaga NB
  22. Only Off The Rack Department Store Budget Clothes For Me by R.Flom
  23. Only Merit Based Scholarships For All by JP Awam
  24. Open Tender, Of Course (In Due Course)! by MoD Mad Zaid
  25. People Power ? In Malaysia? Maybe. Egypt? Impossible! by Rosemajib
  26. Quid Pro Quo or $5 million, Anyone? by Rosemajib
  27. Safe GM Nuclear Mosquitos by A.Nophe Les Swat Ouch
  28. Tanah China by I.Ali
  29. Teaching The England 1.01 by Muhy the Yiddunce
  30. The AG Is Clean by Showmedamoney Ramona
  31. The Queen Is Supreme by R.Flom
  32. There Was Once A Crooked Man Who wanted To Build A Crooked Bridge All With His Own Crooked Money And The Crooked Government Would Not Let Him. Sob! by Maha Firaun
  33. Valentine’s Day For All Malaysian by Jais A.Thot
  34. We All Love Arasia, Now Everyone Can Collect Retrenchment Pay by Mana Ada System 
  35. Singapore, My First Love by Maha Firaun
 Read 'em and weep! More books may soon be added to the above list!

 donplaypuks® with my books, man!

    10 comments:

    masterwordsmith said...

    Haha!!! I was almost fooled when I saw your blog title in my Google reader LOL!!! I thought to myself - what the??? How come I missed this piece of news? With much haste, I came to your blog with the click of the mouse and voila - I have been greatly entertained.

    Love the excellent word play and puns.

    As always, please blog more often!!!

    God knows we need more humor in the net to keep sane with all the madness raging around!

    Take care and till we meet again!

    Cheers!

    R said...

    Great books! ;-)

    P.S. I echo MWS when she says "blog more often!!!"

    donplaypuks® said...

    Hi MWS

    Glad it brightened up your day. Perahsp you could be inspired to contribute some titles as well?

    dpp

    donplaypuks® said...

    Hi R

    Don lah leave me in suspenders! Wonder who you are.

    Blog more often? Law of diminishing returns... the more I write, the less I write!

    Any other titles you heard of banned?

    dpp

    donplaypuks® said...

    Hey R

    You can always send me a email at za@donplaypuks.com

    Mej. A R Ramachandran (Retired) said...

    Well done again bro.More of this and we shall have a compulsory text book for fifth form English next year. You would be rich at last.

    Purple Haze said...

    Can I get these books from Amazon ? I seem to have missed these great Malaysian tomes.

    desiderata said...

    How come Rumour/Humour/Tumour by Midnight Voiz didn't make it to 35+1?

    What lah, I protest my marketing team headed by HH didn't work heart enuf-lah, so noobber of besta kambing at Lingam's-- maybe at BUM2011 which I hear on Rumoour/H/T grapevine thou art chairing ah? -- YL, Desi, knottyaSsusual

    donplaypuks® said...

    Hi PH

    Try amazingbooks.com. Cheers

    dpp

    donplaypuks® said...

    Desi

    Don listen to rumours. No chairs for me! Ciao!

    dpp