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WE ARE ALL OF 1 RACE, THE HUMAN RACE.


03/03/2012

SIL HAIRY PLOTTER & THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS PHILOSOPHER'S STONY SILENCE!

by JKR owling Tak Kerja, Donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for gaji buta (sinecure) affairs


Sil Hairy Plotter, Havoxbridge-con economics, politics and philosophy triple degree holder, stared in stony silence at the deathly hollows of the in- and out-trays on his desk. First ever BUMNO Youth Head with no portfolio, not even offered a face and grace-saving 'Minister Without Portfolio' post in $15 billion annual budget Prime Minister Dr.Imelda Birkin Rosemajib's Department at Suckcesspool Princessville!

How could they do this to him? What traitors to their own race.

It wasn't that he really wanted any real work or, work for real.

This new breed of Havoxbridge-con graduates were all UNEMPLOYABLE ouside of the offices of their fathers, fathers-in-law and government. After all, which really commercially viable outfit could afford to pay anyone upwards of $250,000 per month for the sheer pleasure of them getting up from bed at 11.00 a.m everyday, scratching around with their Quidditch Balls, and then heading straight for cocktails and lunch at Shangri-la and The Mariotte Hotel?

Cunning has its rewards AND limits. Oh, yes, in 2008, Sil Hairy Plotter had with sleight-of-hand native didgeridoo flummoxed the opposition with mysterious 'Postal Votes' and secured his Hogwarts Hogwhitewashedup Parliamentary seat. He soon waved his magical wand and engineered a miraculously crucial electricty blackout and vote recount at Prince World Trade Center and emerged as Half-Bloody Head Prince of BUMNO Youth.

It was as underwhelming an achievement as any you could imagine!

After all, what does a Half Bloody Head Prince of BUMNO Youth do on a day-to-day basis? Condoleeza Rice doesn't visit KL every other month, does she? And hiring illegal Indon Bludgers, Chasers, Beaters and Seekers armed with broomsticks to intimidate Ambiga and Bersih is not exactly the golden stuff of legendary achievements with which to decorate one's resume, isn't it (a bit of Manglish there for you to revel in)?

But it did temporarily consign to the vaults of hell the ambitions of his nemesis, Muggles Muk, unfortunately a clueless 2-degrees graduate of the inscrutable and too sophisticated Tokyo Sophia Uni and too straight MydadisBosston Uni of Massachusetts.

Muggles Muk is of course 1/4 (go figure that out) shareholder and director of 3M Corp (Mok, Muk & Mir), 100% wholly-owned subsidiary of 1MFLV (You know who - He Who Must Not Be Named - 1 Maha Firaun Lord Voldemort) Corp. 

But 'He Who Must Not Be Named' Maha Firaun Lord Voldemort, Prime Minister Dr.Imelda Birkin Rosemajib and Doubledumbmandoredoff Muhy soon snookered Sil Hairy Plotter. They counter-plotted and appointed Muggles Muk as Deputy Minister of No Thrade, leaving Sil Hairy Plotter to juggle his two Golden Goblets of Fire in futility and in isolation.

Sil Hairy Plotter was now a prisoner of the Chamber of Cigarettes, deep in his relatively brand new sub-sub-basement office in Suckcesspool Princessville and fuming away in disgust. 

Oh, how the once mighty of 4th floor had fallen, and now made to grovel, publicly.

All that he surveyed in front of him was the mouldy and crumbling sub-standard brick wall, and above him, the collapsing ceiling which had nearly done in Fil Wizard Rip Van Winkle during one of his visits when he was still PM. Now in retirement in $10 million palatial bungalows in the sleepy suburban hollows of Perth and KL, RIP was resting in peace from the heavy exertions of doing nothing more than seriously engaging and investing in long marathon bouts of slumbering while in office.

 But, Sil Hairy Plotter was not finished yet. He was plotting furiously to arise like the fabled Phoenix, and create new disorder.

He made that call to his crony con-sultant of $180 million commission from placement of Thalikom and other shares to Temasick - Lord Malfoy Omar Mangya Ong Weasel of Pathos Consulting, Singiapour - and now diam diam as director of $6 billion marginal oilfields in Petrofcuked Corp.  

Lord Malfoy Omar Mangya Ong Weasel was Sil Hairy Plotter's plant at Petrofcuked Corp, Hogwarts' much loved, worshipped and over-milked to the bone cash cow.

Lord Malfoy Omar Mangya Ong Weasel was of course another triple degree Havozbridge-con graduate, having mastered the art of 'What they don't teach you at Harvard' i.e. the 3-books hocus-pocus abracadabrassiere (my 38-D cup runneth over) accounting system.

'Wei?'
'Sil wor.'
'What can I do you for?'
'What's the stragedy?' 
'Who asked you to announce you won't be standing for re-election in Hogwart's Hogwhitewashedup Parliament?
'Hey, that's standard BUMNO practice. Anything we said one minute ago, can be reversed the next. You know, 'misquoted by Zionist Press, The STAR & Stripes and Buntutsan Editors etc., etc., etc.'
'Ok, You have to bury Muggles Muk.'
'How?
'Won't be easy. They got lottov Whorecrutches & FD cabbage moola."
"In Bank of Israel and Singiapour?'
'Yes, $ billions in Bank of Israel and Singiapour.'
'Got $ billion, meh?'
'Yes, the cents of the father are visited upon the children. Billions and billions of them (Carl Sagan, eat your heart out) .'
'Do we have any Whorecrutches left to make a play?'
'Not many Whorecrutches left. Prime Minister Dr.Imelda Birkin Rosemajib has been giving it all away, nameweely: 
  1. ProthonElectrthronNuethron Holdings
  2. Mana Ada Systems Airlines
  3. 'Reducing' toll highway charges by paying off in cash $hundreds of millions in advance to crony concessionaires based on inflated traffic count projections
  4. Piratising $120 billion MRT
  5. Piratising old airport land
  6. Piratising old prison land
  7. Piratising $7 billion Banting-Taipingcon toll highway
  8. Piratising $20 billion defence procurement contracts
  9. Piratising KTMB
  10. Piratising rice
  11. Piratising sugar
  12. Piratising $6 billion Petrofcuked Corp 'marginal oilfields'
  13. Piratising submarine piracy of the seven seas by illegal Indons
  14. Piratising piratisation
  15. Socialising Felda losses
'Bugger it!'
'Yes, that's what I told Sighfool.'
'So, what's left?'
'You mean, what's right?'
'You know, what I mean, Don't play games with me or I'll decapitate you with my Sword of Mandore, like Neville Longbottom did with the Sword of Griffindore to finish off that snake Nagini!'
'The games have long begun. Re-member Dato Trio and their Video 'Sword of Shortjohn Silver?''
'But it backfired on Dato Trio, isn't it (more Manglish for you)?'
'Sure. Now they are working on Plan B. They are shooting a $2.2 billion tolled sequel in Southern Thailand called Free & Immediate Prince of Soil Status For All Local Thighs starring an ex-CJ's wife and a half-assed BUMNO and ex-Deputy Public Prostitution lawyer.'
'So, what's out stregedy?'
'We have to grab and own the Golden Snitch Ball first.'
'It floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee.'
'Shall we get Muhammad Ali aka Cassius Clay to fight for us?'
'Is he a Prince of the Soil?'
'Can be directly negotiated for $1 million, especially since he's a Muslim.'
'Why the Golden Snitch Ball?'
'Inside it are hidden the Resurrection Gooli Stones with which we can communicate with the dead.'
'Why must we communicate with which dead?' 
'You know what the 'mort' in 'He Who Must Not Be Named' Maha Firaun Lord Voldemort means, right?'
'What?'
'Death!'
'So, how do I make a comeback from the dead to communicate with the dead?'
'You first grab the Golden Snitch Ball by the short and curlies, that's how.'
'Ok, let's take a punt.'
'Will call you back when it's confirmed.'

TWO DAYS LATER
'Wei?'
'Mangya Ong here.'
'What?'
'It's confirmed. In the bag.'
'What's confirmed in the bag?'
'PUNB.'
'Idiot. I said take a PUNT, not PUNB.'
'What? Jeesus? Why didn't you tell me. It's too late. You have to punt with PUNB.'
'There got money or not?'
'$ billions, got. They give out lots of easy loans for invisible cloak investments.'
'Anyone chases for loan recovery?'
'Is Obama your uncle? Does Dr.Imelda Birkin Rosemajib detest Birkin handbags? Is Ibrahim Katak a pretty face?'
'Jom. We'll punt with PUNB. Send me the appointment letter and the onerous terms for gaji buta, today.'

Donplaypuks® with our hard-earned tax money and investments, man!

14 comments:

Patriot My said...

Take it easy on the spirit, man.

I am sure you have something to say in the satire but my spirit intake is dulling my senses to have an acute understanding of your write-up.

You are a champ in the making if you are not one already.

Harlim said...

Harry Donplaypukter certainly is one long-winded satirist- nailed both Muggles Mukriz and Si Hairy Jamotherlookdin with one swish of the hexed broom.

Both aspiring Pre Ems are strpped naked by don't play puk...and their political futures will take a dive from now on.

John Hardick said...

I hope they become MAD counting and spending their ill gotten gains.

andymerdeka said...

Non of the BUMNOs & Perkasa will understand this as they dont read well in English.

You have to rewrite this in Malay and make sure very simple malay as they dont understand standard malay.

Not well educated & read most of them I'm afraid!

al-therw said...

It is funny with all poke on characters ....

Firdaus said...

Another imagination and sabo-sabo. Why don't you go play some puks?

Monkey boo said...

SOOOOOOOooo typical.

All the BUMNO directors typical lifestyle. Arriving in their metallic black mercedes with arrogant posture stroking into office as if they are Einstein perky cocks.

Create noticeable attention, suggest some dicky ideas, lunch appoinments & off to golf. Always citing got appointment with this mentri or some datuk when they are hibernating & bonking with a sweetie.

Most hum-sup. Extremely efficient in turning in their expense claims, some even got lingerie purchases cited as gifts.

Splendid Retirement. Congrats said...

Time for this Oxford graduate to make a cash withdrawal from the fixed deposit that loving father-in-law created when giving the RM 400 Billion oilf fields to Sultan of Brunei on the pretext of the Sultan abandoning all claims on Limbang.

Now money is no problem, This Oxford graduates can now lay claim on the Limbang beuties (eligible ladies I believe is his preferance).

Lord Jim said...

Donplaypuks®!

I am sure it is all very deep in there even without RPK, Laozi, Tai Chi, Sunzi and even old Haris, but as someone who has never been interested in Harry Plotter or even fiction in print I am having to struggle to work out who, perhaps in our the fcuk who those characters are!

I know many Malaysians have their education from cinemas or even more so, pirated DVDs, but as someone with no interest in these achievements, I would like to delight in your piece without having to receive any Malaysian further education (or only education!)

I can just about work out who some characters are - their names are pretty or ugly much there, I have heard of PUNB already made famous by Oxford "Patriot" general, he of the Bersih 2.0 counter-march, and perhaps, and maybe, one or two other characters, but I am having great difficulty figuring out who the fcuk is that that "Lord Malfoy Omar Mangya Ong Weasel"

If the almost unreal half-life non-character who can identify himself doesn't step forward, perhaps you could take time off from your repeat verbal murder of RPK and Haris to do that?

I 'LOVE' UMNO said...

To come to think of it, DUMNO is nothing but a nest of snakes and vermins and need to be exterminated as soon as possible before they do more harms

Dpp said...

Lord Jim

Man, where have you been?

The cartoon picture tells you who the main protagonists/issues are. A power struggle is going on in BUMNO Youth between Sil Hairy Plotter, and Muk backed by daddy, Maha Firaun and 3M Corp (Muk, Mirz, Mok).

As for Malfoy Omar Mangya Ong, you mean you never read about the tussel Rosemajib had with Merican and then sacked him to appoint Mangya Ong director at Petrofcuked Corp?

And of the connection between Mangya Ong and Sil Hairy Plotter when Talikom shares were to Singiapour sovreign fund way back before 2008?

And last week it was announced in the MSM that a certain Sil was to be appointed head honcho at PUNB - Perbadanan Usahawan Nasional Bhd.

You don't know about it?

Wake up.

Dpp
we are all of 1 race, the Human Race

Kuda Siam said...

Kesian ni kera jantan nak bodek pun tak laku lagi . Tapi tak pa sempat tutuh sikit project era Pak Lah .

goplaypukees said...

This is a stupid, idiotic, puerile article. He really thought it was brilliant.

Anonymous said...

more confusion than Confucius BUT i love it : Tq, DON sir.