GOLLY GEE, THE G-SPOT?

by dick hardon kinsey MD, Donplaypuks® intrepid correspondents for human sex affairs

"A US gynaecologist claims to have found the G-spot, a supposed pleasure centre on the front interior wall of the vagina, but some critics say not so fast. Adam Ostrzenski said he has confirmed the presence of the G-spot after extracting a tiny well-delineated sac structure. The G-spot, named after German gynaecologist Ernst Graefenberg, who first mooted its existence in 1950, is said to be a highly sensitive area in the vagina that, when stimulated, gives a woman a powerful orgasm." Journal of Sexual Medicine. 28 April 2012.

But, Donplaypuks® and his team of intrepid sex(y) scientists have long known that, as usual, the Americans and Germans are terribly and awfully wrong. As they are about trillion dollar government bailouts favouring Wall St. and Greece, and why the western economic model has failed. (Favour cronies, encourage collosal ponzi get-rich-schemes and continue to encourage an economy based on speculating on the stock exchange and forex/futures market? Then, the collapse of the west is imminent!)

What Donplaypuks® and his team of intrepid sex(y) scientists have discovered is that there are several types of G-spots located on several specific places on and within the human body, i.e. on both male AND female bodies. They are:

1. The Grossmahjib G-spots

These will be found at three locations on the female anatomy. 


The first Grossmahjib G-spot is to be found at the centre of a balding female's forehead. This G-spot, when caressed, will send its owner spining into illusions of grandeur, to such an extent that she will think she is Royalty and First Lady of Mongolia, Putrajaya or Curtin University, acronimized as FLOM, FLOP and FLOCU. 

She will start throwing grand and extravagant dinners and engagement parties costing millions of dollars that would embarass Queen Elizabeth, and then pass the bill to the government. It will create a penchant for $74 million diamond rings from Jacob's Cracko Biscuits of New York.

The second and third Grossmahjib G-spot are to be found at the centre of the back of the palm of the female hands. When tickled, breathed upon or kissed on this G-spot, the female will have a frenzied desire for, not well dileanated sacs, but oversized $200,000 Birkin handbags which can be ordered through, at no cost and be personally delivered by, carperbagger Dibagpack Jaikishahjahan and his wife, Tajmumtaz Very Mahal. Call 888-8888 8888 at Sucessful Corp HQ.

2. The Gajibuta Goondu G-spot

The Gajibuta Goondu G-spot is located primarily in the male anatomy of BUMNO/BN Prime Ministers and (Wooden) Cabinet members, in the region 'where the sun don't shine.' Occasionally, a female may possess one too, like a certain lady dubbed "Minister of Cowgate."

It is much sought after by "got free $1 billion contract or not?" BUMNO/BN members and civil serpents who fervently believe the sun does shine out from the male anatomy of BUMNO/BN Prime Ministers and (Wooden) Cabinet members, out of the region 'where the sun don't shine into.'

Many are forced to take up Yoga classes (banned by fatwa) since their hips and necks must have a high degree of flexibilty to bend over and kiss ass for high paying, no-work government paid jobs and contracts. Busy 1M Prime Ministers often outsource these functions to their con-sultant drivers hired by 1Israel APCO. They are referred to as Pemadu Gajibuta Goondu Roti Jala Transformers.

3.The Ging Gang Gooli Gooli G-spot

If ass-kissing does not work, then tickling, or better still, if you have a probing tongue, licking the outer base of the pouch encasing the goolies of BUMNO/BN Prime Ministers and (Wooden) Cabinet members while singing the ging gang gooli gooli song will usually do the trick. Here are the lyrics to the ging gang gooli gooli song:

Oompah, oompah, oompah, oompah.

Ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie watchagot not billion $ contract?

Ging gang poo, ging gang poo.

Ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie watchagot not billion $ contrac?

Ging gang poo, ging gang poo.

Make hay lah, while the sun shines, make hay lah, hay lah ho,
Make hay lah, while the sun shines, make hay lah, hay lah ho,

Shaft the willy, shaft the willy, shaft the willy, willy nilly,

Oompah, oompah, oompah, oompah

4. The G-String G-spot

This is the much favoured sport of G-spot watching of Chief Ministers, State Assemblymen, civil serpents and top management of government losing concerns.

It is the preferred route to wangling first class travel and all-expenses paid government sponsored "overseas study cum travel" trips to the higly acclaimed belly dancing educational institutions in Bangkok, Dubai, Morocco and Beirut, for "Research & Development" purposes. Aftre all, belly dancers hang out in hip circles. However, the Ministry of Defence sends our admirals to the top calibre Navel Academy for their G-String G-spot training.

Do you know of any other G-spots we have missed out?

Donplaypuks® with G-spotting, man!

PENGERANG INTEGRATED PETROCHEMICAL PROJECT, JOHOR-ANOTHER FOREIGN EIA FAILED PROJECT MAKES ITS WAY TO MALAYSIA?

by don't rock d boat rockefeller, Donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for Oh No, God affairs

Whenever pro-BUMNO bloggers and children associated with a certain Maha Firaun wax lyrical about $62 billion Oil&Gas projects rising up to a stupendous $170 billion in investments and 40,000 local jobs, you always get a creepy feeling. The blood chills and the atmosphere gets very cloudy. You know there's got to be a catch somewhere.

CLICK HERE and CLICK HERE for the sugar-coated version of, if the converted are to be believed, this unfolding project which will propel us into the first world, just, just a few years from now.....when....(if) it happens.

But to get an independent view and a broader picture of what has happened so far, we need to go elsewhere, to the real world, where "clean" projects like Lynas are stripped bare to their naked essentials so we can make a proper and fair judgement.

CLICK HERE for Lim Sue Goan of Sin Chew's post reproduced by Malaysian Insider, for the "unimportant bits and pieces" left out by Sydetious Ali.

LSG's main concerns are:

1. This was a project originally REJECTED by the Government of Taiwan because it failed the Environment Impact Assessment (EIS) test in 2008! In 2011, President MaYing-jeou of Taiwan withdrew his support for the project. So, why is our Government rushing in where angels fear to tread?

2. The project was rejected in Taiwan because it would have consumed 400,000 tons of water per day, thus affecting wetlands, land and waters earmarked for food production.

3. To quote LSG of MI, "In addition, it was estimated that 339 to 565 people would die of cardiovascular diseases and lung cancer, while patients of respiratory diseases would also increase due to the PM2.5 pollutants released into the air."

4. 20,000 jobs would have been created in Taiwan, but the social costs would have escalated to NT100 billion EVERY YEAR in Taiwan!!!!!!!

Expert and public opinion were consulted, and research conducted for 6 years before the Taiwan Government decided to say no.

Now, let's fast forward to the truly Asia fascia world of Malaysia, where transparency and accountability are often, er, temporarily suspended, of course, in the genuine interest of our fellow citizens, for the sake of expediency.

1. Does anyone recall experts and public opinion being gauged on the pros and cons of this project or its location in Pengerang, Johor?

2. Is anyone aware of any EIA Report commissioned, and if so, what it's findings were? What are the annually projected social costs vs commercial benefits in ringgit billions?

3. What will be the short term and long term effects on the livelihoods of farmers and fishermen in Pengerang, Johor and on wetlands and nearby coastal areas and seas? Where will all the toxic waste from the project be stored, dumped or pumped out to?

4. Why is this project, like bedevilled Lynas (12 years), given Pioneer (Tax Free) Status of 10 years? What exactly are the respective role of Petronas, Diolog Plc, Taiwan party and the Johor State Government in this mega project?

5. Who sold the land (22,500 acres) to whom at what valuation, if any? Has Johor State or the Federal Government and/or Ministers issued "letters of support" which can be misconstrued (by mysterious bodholders) as cast iron GUARANTEES? If so, for how much? We don't want another $12.5 billion ringgit fiasco as per the Port Kelang Free Trade Zone to erupt in our face, do we?

6. Most importantly, who will be left carrying the baby if the project is fucked and far away from home or up the shit creek without a paddle or left with an unwanted bunny in the oven or..............(fill in the blanks for your favourite expression for the Malaysian taxpayer).

This seems to be the modus operandi of BUMNO/BN. Sign the directly negotiated contract and incur billions in start-up costs. Pollution, cancer, lung-related diseases? Toxic chemicals and effluents? Belakang Kira (We'll deal with it later)!

The devil is always in the details, which is perhaps one reason why the details are always classied under "Official Secrets" in 1Malaysia?

 Donplaypuks® with our environment and future, man!

HOORAY TO AMBIGA, GUAN ENG, PAKATAN & DAP! YA BOO SUCKS TO UNCOUTH IKHLAS & PERKASA!

by Donplaypuks®

The two demonstrations, one by Perkasa outside Penang Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng's house, and the other by Ikhlas oustide Ambiga's, of Bersih fame, mark a new low in Malaysian politics. The demonstrators, and their yellow backers in the corridors of BUMNO/BN, have appealed to the lowest common denominator among the worst in their ranks - racism, demagoguery and thuggery!

Given also that our law enforcers (not just the police, but also City Hall officials) stood by and did nothing to disperse these illegal gatherings, while at Bersih 3.0 they opened direct fire at crowds with tear gas and pepper-laced water without justifiable provocation, it's clear what we have is a rogue regime that MUST be booted out at the next general elections, if we wish to preserve the sanctity of our democratic institutions.

Why rogue regime? Because we have a Prime Minister (PM) who is implicated up to his eyeballs in the $7 billion Scorpene Submarine financial scandal (he was also the Defence Minister who signed the contracts) and who 5 years onwards, has not ordered the Inspector General of Police to investigate, identify and charge the person who gave the orders to murder Altantuya and blow up her body into bits and pieces with C4 plastics, generally available only to the Army, and perhaps, the Terrorist Squad of the Police. PM Najib has not done so despite the convicted murderers of Altantuya confessing to the police that they were offered $100,000 (by whom?) to carry out their heinous act!

This is not mere uncouth behaviour by Perkasa and Ikhlas. Their intention is to instill mafia-type fear through intimidation, thuggery and gangsterism! The gall of it, for Ikhlas to offer a hamburger to Ambiga who is a vegetarian. Imagine if Ambiga or Guan Eng had offered a pork bun to Mohd. Ridzuan Abdullah and Ibrahim Ali. But that is a minor matter. What is at issue is whether Perkasa and Ikhlas considered the fear and terror they would have instilled, not in Ambiga's and Gua Eng's hearts, for they are made of sterner stuff, but in the hearts of children and the elderly living in those homes and that of their innocent neighbours.

Of course Ikhlas and its petty traders will maintain that the Bersih 3.0 rally on 28th April 2012 caused them huge financial losses and they have their rights. Yes, they have their rights and no one disputes that. However, the courts are the rightful place to take their grievances to, not the homes of their perceived antagonists. 

Frankly, I doubt these hamburger patty-mentality lackeys will dare open up their books to be audited independently by the courts to justify any claims. 

Similarly, the Opposition in Penang - BUMNO/BN - were defeated in the State Asembly by the very same tactics and open and democratic procedures that they had employed from 1957-2007, when they were in power. Their allegations that Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng had cast slurs on BUMNO/BN by saying that more Hindu temples would be torn down if BUMNO/BN were in power, was not borne out by official Hansard transcripts of the debate in the State Assembly. That calls for an invasion of Guan Eng's home and incantations of a death wish?

So, how do we read the situation?

It's obvious they are being stirred up by other cravenly cowards and Nazi and Stalinistic elements within BUMNO/BN. Has the unelected mayor of KL who pontificated to Bersih 3.0 about laws and municipal by-laws or our unelected PM Najib or BUMNO/BN politicians and former IGP's come out and publicly condemned these blatant and dangerously precedent setting invasions of an individual's privacy, as they (wrongly) did with Bersih 3.0? They are playing with fire and when it's they who get burnt, who shall they then lay the blame on?

They silently wish and pray Guan Eng, Ambiga, Bersih and Pakatan would all quietly disappear. Let me assure these pathetic troglodytes that all their pilgrimages and prayers will not deliver them victory because they represent pure, unadulterated evil against the might of Pakatan, Ambiga, Guan Eng et al who stand on the side of the righteous! 

BUMNO/BN is also being shown up by the new State governments, in particular, Penang and Selangor, that where the leaders are incorruptible, desirable progress will naturally follow. So, it's not surprising that the Pakatan states combined have attracted more Foreign Direct Investments (FDI) in four years than all the BUMNO/BN ruled States put together, and praised by the BUMNO/BN appointed Auditor General for that as well as for their transparency and accountability. Now, that's what you call real progress and achievement - when your are grudgingly congratulated by independent parties for your successes. BUMNO/BN leaders are too seduced by the bootlicking and scrotum tickling  antics of its sycophantic and demanding 'give me a billion ringgit contract' supporters.


This is what grates on BUMNO/BN's behind more than anything else, like sandpaper on rock. The Pakatan States have shown in four years what progress we could have achieved, had we not allowed ourselves to succumb to 32 years of financial mayhem and utter corruption and waste involving hundreds of billions of ringgit under the BUMNO/BN aegis.

And if this is the best they can do, by trying to frighten and intimidate the citizenry, then I say, bring it on. You will scare no  one, because it is your own fear that motivates you, not any concern for truth, justice or democracy! The lowest common denominator you appeal to - racism, demagoguery, religious bigotry and thuggery - will be contemptibly rejected by all right thinking citizens, without a second thought!

Donplaypuks® at our homes, man!