GREASY PANDI PARADIGM SHAFTS APA NAMA, MAHA FIRAUN!!

by you hap me, i hap you , donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for feathering your nest affairs

Oh God, how could Maha Firaun Kutty have been so naive as to have been sucker punched by, of all persons, that Goondu from Marudu, that corpulent blubbery porcine greasy, squealing, oily fat pig, Pandi? It was THE sting of 2015!

This tells us two things. One, Maha Firaun Kutty is definitely past his shelf-life and well into the winter years of senility. He should be volunteered (since he's senile, obviously, he cannot volunteer of his own accord) to be put out to pasture, whiling his last days contemplating how, when he meets them in the after-life, he is going to explain to his father and ancestors from Kerala, India, this thing about trying to con all the people all the time, including himself, that he is an alien from the planet of the "Con-stitutional Bumiputra" and not an Indian.

Two, it demonstrates once again that new BUMNO/SCUMNO politicians thrive and excel in that stinking  black hole of toxic ooze and slimy sewerage of  politics, the Parliament Pig Pen. Only these dirty denizens of filth can prosper there since conniving, cunning and conning are their most cherished of human qualities. All new BUMNO/SCUMNO Parliamentarians under PM Grossmajib who wears the pants and her husband who wears the skirts, have a 4.0 GPA and Ph.D (doctorate) in these traits. 

It's no coincidence that most of them also have fake degrees, usually in Religious Studies, Human Resource or the favourite, Public Affairs and Administration, from world-famous learning centres like Havoxbridge University College School, Black Wood Hills (Bukit Kayu Hitam). That also explains why our education standards and top Unis are said to be exceedingly fine AND superior, other-worldly, featuring nowhere as they do in any known global listing of any repute.

The facts are simple and straightforward. The gelatinous Pandi is close to retirement. True to the identikit of new BUMNO/SCUMNO, where thievery is the common true culture, he probably has "retirement savings" of a paltry $10 million and a $5 million bungalow house sitting on 20,000 sq. ft. of prime land. This, by the new BUMNO/SCUMNO standards set by the $10 billion Grossmajibs, places Pandi in the pauper category. There could be no greater insult. In new BUMNO/SCUMNO, bull shit talks, enabling the party faithful and loyal to walk away with at least $50 million within a duration of 1 term in office; Pandi was approaching two, with seemingly, only his fast withering member in his hand.

Pandi, who only squeals when PM Grossmajib squeezes his lard-laden bottom, is Speaker of the Parliament Pig Pen. For over 5 years, he has been blocking every decent motion for proper debate tabled by the Opposition, such as denying them the right to pose legitimate question to PM Grossmajib on hot items like the $46 billion debt-laden 1GDB, on the grounds that it might be asking the PM to actually engage his amorphous brain and give an opinion.

Why, that wheel-chaired pendatang (immigrant) non-Bumiputra woman politician who jumped ship in Perak alone is said to be worth $30 million. To retire on measly $10 million petty cash? Wobbly breasted Pandi would never live it down in the ulus of Marudu. He might as well commit suicide or be BBQ'd live. What would his little pink piglets say. Sob!

So, blubber belly Pandi hatched a plan. Quite clever of him actually to have lifted 'The Idiot's Guide to Blackmailing Grossmajib, 1.0' from a former Chief Minister who recently milked Grossmajib for $50 million by threatening to defect to the Opposition with all his fellow MP's. Only thing, Pandi went one better. He conned Maha Firaun Kutty into believing that he would actually be tendering his resignation to PM Grossmajib. He also hinted, nude, nudge, wink, wink, he might spill some beans about the fraud and highway robbery at 1GDB and the Altantuya murder. Maha fell for for it hook, line and sinker; a wee bit of nifty paradigm shafting that Maha himself could admire and be proud of!

Maha Firaun Kutty jumped the gun and announced to the world that Pandi was going to resign, believing that Grossmajib would capitulate and vacate office immediately. But, Pandi was never going to resign from a gaji buta (sinecure) $30,000 a month basic pay Speaker of the Parliament Pig Pen post, even if hell froze over. But, Maha Firaun Kutty's premature ejaculation seizures caused just the right Richter-scale 10 seismic tremors in PM Grossmajib's underpants that Pandi had artfully planned for. His goolies shrunk. Pandi hogged the limelight. "Pandi who?" Obama and Cameron might have hollered, but right there was his 15 minutes of fame.

True to character and form, Grossmajib went crawling on his knees to Pandi, with his customary 'You help me, I help you' cheque book in hand. On the brink of achieving international ignominy by being forced out of office, Grossmajib could not afford to lose the support, no matter how crooked, of Pandi and his cohort MPs and trigger off a vote of no-confidence. 

The Grossmajibs shivered and shook at the thought of  losing the right to freeload at the citizen's expense, of their apparent birthright to fly the brand new $650 million Airforce 1 with 300 relatives and close friends to visit their grandchildren in the near future in Kazakhstan. They broke into cold sweat at the thought of flying commercial airlines, and sitting next to BO stinking riff raff. No  more free $200,000 Birkin handbags gifts for his dear wife, Pendek Kata Hippo, from corpo-rat captains and crony fraudtrepreneurs? It would be the thin end of the wedge, the end of civilization! 

The result? Pandi will continue as Speaker of the Parliament Pig Pen with much renewed enthusiasm, frustrate the Opposition and stuff democracy and Parliament up its rear end. 

The clincher? A brand new $250,000 music-playing tankless auto-deodorising bidet washlet toilet imported specially from Japan, Italian marble flooring and wall to wall wild boar skin tiling and curtains for the office as well. Everyone's heard of negotiating for a golden handshake, but a golden buttshake? Only in Bolihland!

Not far way, the $17 billion budgeted PMO and PM Grossmajib are busting their balls over which totally unneeded new $ multi-billion IPP, Water Treatment Plant, "Marginal Oilfield" giveaway contract or 100-year toll highway project they can con the citizens with, an award to a $2 company owned by the totally no-conflict-of-interest Mrs. Porka, wife of Pandi.

And Maha Firaun Kutty? Egg all over the face, shagged to glory and sodomised by a rank amateur. Played out by a low IQ country bumpkin from the boondocks of East Bolihland. But then, he has only himself to blame. He is the new BUMNO/SCUMNO founder who set the bar low, and then lowered it further. You don't need brains to be indoctrinated into that clique, only lard-laden cunning!

Ever wondered why it's called pork-barrel politics?

Donplaypuks® with desperado Speakers of the Parliamentary Pig Pen , man!