by al solzhenitsyn, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for self-appointed benevolent dictators' affairs
Komrad 8-Star General Er, Komrad next-Great Leader, which revolution would that be?
Komrad Stalin Rosemajibbed Fool, dumpkof!! Don you read The Buntutsan or New State Parsely Sage Rosemary Thighymes newspapers. I have just got Komrad Magoo Jagger No Pedra Bianca, Jedi Master Planner of the Realm for Home Science, to ban Indraf. That will hopefully provoke their followers to violence. We will then Mohd ISA them all and have another clean-up Show Trial. Komrads I Raja Polis, Big Moose Beria (IRPB), and AG, Ganesh Patel Malenkov, are on stand-by oreddy!!
Komrad 8-Star General I have been a little busy with the Muslim-separatist insurrections in our northern border. I just got back by LCC Airlines. And how could Indraf be banned if they are not a registered party, Komrad next-Great Leader?
Komrad Stalin Rosemajibbed Idiot!! You are the only 8-Star General in the world as noted in our Genius Book of Records. If we can achieve that in Bolehland, we can ban existing or non-existent anything. Geddit?? And what do you mean you returned by LCC Airlines. What happened to our helicopters?
Komrad 8-Star General All the old Sickorsky Duriduku helicopters have been superbly crashed by our Towering Glocal pilots. So, we have to rely on commercial airlines to get us about. We need a new fleet quickly, preferably by yesterday!
Komrad Stalin Rosemajibbed Don you worry about that. We have accepted the most expensive bid of $2.3 bil for 12 new Euro Cockermamie-Spaniel Heli 725. This is about $1 bil more than the next-most economical alternative. What a truly marvellous TOWERING achievement! All procedures have been adhered to by the Book, i.e. SOP. But if you were us, would you go for the Rolls Royce of Helis or the Prodana version?
Komrad 8-Star General The Rolls Royce of course! We MUST have the best and the most expensive or our neighbours will laugh at us. No question or arguing about it. National pride is at stake! We can't just plunk for one from Toys R Us, can we? Komrad, may I in the same breathe of true patriotism, recommend my $2 fully cash paid-up family company, Salvation Army Sdn. Bhd., for a $300 mil administration and maintenance-liaison National Service contract tie-up?
Komrad Stalin Rosemajibbed Hmm, thats mean the contract cost will have to be increased to $3 bil to accommodate your brilliant proposal as well as several trips for army chiefs (including wives & bits on the side), a 100-strong Defence contingent and Heads of Army Pension Fund Trustees to carry out several arduous recon trips to Paris and Galleries Lafayette and for increase in miscellaneous petty cash expenses. And also for visits to nearby countries and places like London and Oxford St. and Geneva and Munich. I suppose that could be arranged since Baginda Altantuya screwed things up in Paris with his Perimeter Sdn. Bhd. and Mongolian Dutch-wife hot-press escapade.
Komrad 8-Star General Hrrmph, Komrad next-Great Leader, I must alert you that our Heli Generals are more than a little miffed that IRPB had by-passed SOP and personally directly lobbied the Geat Leader who now has oreddy awarded the new 30-year contract to CroneyCoAsia Jets to lease 34 helis for I Polis Raja (IPR) for a whopping $20 bil. Why does IPR need 34 Helis while the Army is only allocated 12?
Komrad Stalin Rosemajibbed Komrad General, be careful what you say and to whom you say it. You have just proposed your retirement plans. So, too have others who may have to retire prematurely. Besides, $20 bil spread out over 30 years is peanuts compared to Bush's $700 bil bail-out of Wall Street and $1 tril Iraq Invasion Cost. Come the revolution, the Army cannot be involved as the natives in the heartland would not approve of it. So, IPR may have to spring into action to nip things in the bud, especially at Port Dickson where I may have to rush to in case of pressing needs emegency, which occurs about twice a week!
Komrad 8-Star General But O' next-Great Leader, Komrad IRPB has just had a multiple bypass op and is in no position to spring further than you can toss him. Besides, he, like Komrad AG Ganesh Patel Malenkov, is being sued by Sir Abim Obasama, Barisan Rakyat's Leader, for abuse of power and manufacturing false evidence. And all these trials, won't they back-fire on you?
Komrad Stalin Rosemajibbed We are only taking a leaf out of the pages of history. But, we are not as cruel as the Russians and their OGPU/NKVD/KGB were. We have comparatively few Great Purge Show Trials and arrests in this region - Burma, Thailand, N.Korea, Vietnam etc. - as follows:
1. Sodomy 2 Trial involving Komrad Sir Abim Obasama, Leader of Barisan Rakyat.
2. Sedition Trial of Komrad R. Peter K now under Mohd. ISA indefinite detention.
3. Sedition Trial of Komrad Blogger Kick Dick Head.
4. ISA Arrest of Reporter (for her own safety and protection).
5. ISA arrest of MP Mother Teresa (based on ex-Jedi Fujimori Toyota's blog and Buntutsan newsaper's patently precipitate and false accusations).
6. Arrest and indefinite detention of Indraf leaders and 62 others.
7. Planned arrest of several Indraf supporters and blogggers for misbehaviour at $2 million New Year Open House bash paid for by taxpayers' money.
Komrad 8-Star General But Komrad next-Great Leader, this is thothally unfair. IRPB has also been implicated in $4 bil directly negotiated non-tendered out IT contract for IPR HQ awarded to a Lion City company owned by Israeli agents and spies. IRPB again bypassed SOP by writing directly to the Great Leader in getting approval to over-turn the Treasury's Tender Board recommendations. How greedy can one get? How large a Pension Fund does one man need? At the rate IRPB is going, he will soon have enough funds to make a bid to take over the whole of the USA, based on current valuations!!
Komrad Stalin Rosemajibbed I must say he's showing a lot of initiative and innovation lately. Not bad for a once foot-patrol cop. Perhaps, we should promote him to Jedi Master Planner of the Realm for Home Science once he's fully recovered. But you are right. There are limits. We must nip this excessive exuberance of IRPB in the bud. Fight fire with fire. Can you handle it?
Komrad 8-Star General Er, I have been an army man all my life. So, I am not too conversant with all this political mumbo-jumbo and corporate wheeling and dealing. You'll have to count me out!
Komrad Stalin Rosemajibbed Then I have no alternative but to deal with the devil we know. Here, get me Baginda Altantuya's shyster mouth-piece on my CIA 200% totally secure cell phone. This is a one-of-a-kind cell phone whose transmissions can never be intercepted. State-of-the-art. Sooper-dooper! You ever seen one like this?
Komrad 8-Star General No, Komrad O' next-Great Leader. Where did you get it from? Perhaps we can work on an exclusive directly negotiated non-tendered out $1 bil contract to supply these CIA cell phones to all our top Security Personnel, Special Branch and Jedi Master Planners.
Komrad Stalin Rosemajibbed Good, excellent. You are a quick learner! Yes, IRPB got me one from this Lion City IT Specialist Co which is doing that $4 bil contract at IPR HQ.
Komrad 8-Star General Good God, you don mean that Israeli prepaid connection.....? Do you?
Komrad Stalin Rosemajibbed Good God you don mean..? No wonder it's branded as 'Star of Daud!!' That stupid IRPB! One of these days he will end up like Trotsky who had a famous encounter with an ice-pick!! Komrad General, we have no choice. I must alert the Great Leader about a possible Zionist konspiracy and about declaring a National Emergency straight away. Get your cannon fodd...er, er I mean our War Heroes mobilised at once!!!
Komrad 8-Star General At once Komrad next-Great Leader. Patriots to the fore. Tenn Hutt!!
Komrad Stalin Rosemajibbed Patriots on all fours, indeed! Dismissed!!
donplaypuks® with my pension plans, man!!
* SOP - Standard Operating Procedure