by lord denning, master of the rolls, jams, sandwiches and cookies, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for vice and legal affairsThe FIVE VICE MEN sat in stony silence in their Ivory Tower Plaza chamber pots.
“Well, bugger me! The Cuntstitution says that neither the validity of any proceedings in the Casino Royale Estate Management Assembly nor the conduct of any Toddy Speaker thereof can be questioned in any Court, for forever and a day! Dammit Sheriff Alladdjin, are they serious? We can’t even say it’s irrelevant and expunge the entire Casino Royale Estate Management Assembly and that Toddy Speaker?” lamented a shaken and stirred whisky-water St.Pee Saul.
“I think you have handled one too many sodo mee tainted noodles cases and need a break, St. Pee Saul. But it does look like our goose is cooked. We have to uphold The Cuntstitution. There’s no way out. We can't shoot the Cuntstitution bandicoot!” voiced a sad and forlorn looking Colt .45 toting Sheriff Alladdjin of the 40 Thieves.
“Well, could we not, so as not to put too fine a point on it, ignore The Cuntstitution? I mean it was drafted 50 years ago and they had no idea then that we are being threatened by Zionist and Satan Burning Bush conspirators. We should ditch The Cuntstitution bitch!” protested a visibly angry and upset Warden Zack the Hack.
“Yes, let’s suspend The Cuntsitution. We can say it’s faulty because it confers absolute immunity to Lord Shiva, the Casino Royale Estate Management Assembly Toddy Speaker. That’s not cricket, wot? We should wring the Cuntstitutionla string!” thundered Marionette Manniquin, The Hanging Judge.
“We might as well hang ourselves if we take that route. The Doctrine of Separation of Powers, that’s mean we can’t make the law. Besides, the Speaker does not have absolute powers or immunity. He can be disciplined or voted out by a majority of the MP's in a State Assembly session. Slam dunk, we are sunk and Ho, Ho, Ho!” opined the Honourable Nicholas Hashamed.
“In that case, first let’s call Casino Royale and give him the bad news!” announced Sheriff Alladdjin of the 40 Thieves.
“Don forget his son Poker Nazgul Royale. He’s poised to take over the Casino Royale Estate Integrated Resorts! ” reminded St.Pee Saul.
“Yes, but don ignore the daughter either, Vesper Lynd Roulette Royale of Roadmudabanditunitedengineers Plc who has the beauty, brains, money AND THE SHARES!” warned Warden Zack The Hack.
“But we can’t consult Casino Royale, surely? That would be sub-jaundiced would it not? If news leaked out, we will have yellow egg-yolk all over our faces! The New State Parsley Sage Rosemary Thighmes & Star-dusty newspapers would have a field day on our legal posteriors not to mention that interfering busy-body cock, Raja Petrel!” warned Marionette Manniquin, The Hanging Judge.
“Let’s pick his brains anyway. He might have a solution for us, ok?” ruled Sheriff Alladdjin of the 40 Thieves.
Peeponpeeponpeepon...012....
“Wei? Hurro, this is Ngah. Why you corr me? Is it Lord Shiv...Hurro, hurro? Ngeh, what’s happening mah. This Minimaximus handphone company ah, 1 day got 1,000 drop calls one. Can’t make manee the honest way, is it? Kanee....Mas be dat Jelapang prostitute trying hoax corrs on me again, is it? Chou ch....bai!”
“Wtf, wrong number. Let’s try again,” mumbled a red-faced St.Pee Saul.
Peeponpeeponpeepon...019....
“My name is Bond, Merdeka Casino Royale Bond. Who is this peasant who dares call me in the middle of a hookey game?”
“Bond, Merdeka Bond! Sorry, wrong number! Got Khazanah by mistake,” moaned a red-faced St.Pee Saul.
“You stupid fool! Been drinking cheap Soora on the job again? That is him, Casino Royale. Call him back and apologise quickly!” groaned Sheriff Alladdjin of the 40 Thieves.
Peeponpeeponpeepon...019....
“My name is Bond, Merdeka Casino Royale Bond. Who is this peasant who dares call me in the middle of a nookey game?”
“A thousand apologies, your Greatness. We have bad news for you. There’s no way out. We have checked and re-checked The Cuntstitution. We have to rule against the Merdeka Casino Royale Bond Estate and in favour of the Casino Royale Estate Management Toddy Speaker!” whispered St.Pee Saul.
“Listen Pee Brain. Let me put it to you this way. How would the merry band of the 5 of you like to pay a 20 year visit In Secluded Activity at Villa Kamunting? You get my drift?” shot back Merdeka Casino Royale Bond.
“Bbbb...bbut, was it not you who once said ‘under normal circumstances, it is taken for granted that the Merdeka Casino Royale Bond would not withhold his consent to a request for dissolution of ......Estate.. His role is purely formal.’ We cannot compromise the integrity of Justice and the doctrine of separation of powers, surely?” pleaded St.Pee Saul.
“Listen backdoorsman peckerhead, how would you like a bottle up where the sun don’t shine? Don’t quote me to my face!” screamed an extremely upset Merdeka Casino Royale Bond.
“Perhaps you could offer us some informal advice and assistance?” grovelled Sheriff Alladdjin of the 40 Thieves.
“I wonder if there is anything I might say that might persuade you Five Vice Men to consider recasting that sentence in question so as to transfer the emphasis from the specific instance to the abstract concept, without impairing the conceptual integrity of our subject matter? Hrrmph! Did you get that you faggot woodlice? This town ain’t big enough for US and that Casino Royale Estate Management Assembly Toddy Speaker . And get this straight, I ain’t the one who will be leaving!” roared a majestic Merdeka Casino Royale Bond.
“Gosh, yes! How stupid of me! I’ll call you back, Sir!” oozed Sheriff Alladdjin of the 40 Thieves.
“You got all that? Fuck me! I thought I understood Queens English!” mused a clearly amused St.Pee Saul . “I thought it was a bit shitty of Merdeka Casino Royale Bond, though.”
“Of course! You would know all about being anal retentive. Didn’t you get the message? When in doubt, WAFFLE!” explained Sheriff Alladdjin of the 40 Thieves.
And they all said loudly, “Of course. Stupid of me!” and slapped their foreheads and then each other’s foreheads and then knuckled the top of their skulls and each other's skulls. “Touch wood!” they chorused in perfect unison.
“Yes, of course. We won’t mention anything about The Cuntstitution. We’ll just say it’s illegal and against the rules of natural justice and pass the buck to the Government of Maha Rosemajib. Case closed. Nuff said!” pronounced Sheriff Alladdjin of the 40 Thieves triumphantly.
Peeponpeeponpeepon...019....
“My name is Bond, Merdeka Casino Royale Bond. Who is this peasant who dares call me in the middle of a phockey game?”
“It is us, The Five Vice Men. We have good news. We were able to recast the decision from the specific instance to the abstract concept, without impairing the conceptual integrity of ourselves or yourselves.
“Well done, gentlemen. In that case, roll the dice!” beamed an exultant Merdeka Casino Royale Bond.
donplaypuks® with my merdeka casino royale bond, man!
13 comments:
DPP,
Your hiatus has given you new impetus and zing in your satirical humor!
Perhaps a warning as to the dynamite power of your words can prepare the fainthearted or those who tend to ROFL!!! ;)
So wither will we go from here?? Any sequel? Predictions?
cheers
Hi MWS
Have to ration postings. Law od diminishing returns!
Let's see what happens come May 7th. Clash of the the Speaker vs Second hand car salesman, Latok Camri? Lol.
dpp
Hmmm it is funny at the same time disturbing that Pakatan Rakyat will be officially thrown out of the state government eventhough they where votedin by the people.I guess the state constitution is in fact the cuntstitution and the assembly is infact a casino.Why you didn't talk about the story of the jumping frog that kiss Mr PM buttocks that cause the mess in the place that will be an interesting installment to this story.
“Listen backdoorsman peckerhead, how would like to be bottled up where the sun don’t shine? Don’t quote me to my face!” screamed an extremely upset Merdeka Bond Casino Royale."
I genuflect at your excellent choice of words. If the Five Vice Men could understand that, how come cannot read Article 72(1) properly?
Hey Jonathan
Took a side trio to your blog. How does on epost a comment there?
dpp
Hi Purple Haze
Looks like they have killed Art 72 and its Art 16? that will prevail so that certainty in law is replaced with hazy, nebulous
'discretionary' whims and fancies.
We are only a few steps away from complete anarchy!
dpp
As always, you are my few minutes of hilarious Instant Cafe Theatre entertainment. I even asked RPK to read your blog. Thanks, thanks.
angela ooi
Hi Angela
It's always inspiring to receive comments like yours.
Now, if RPK would leave a comment, that would be the icing.
But, He's got some major problems and strategies to resolve, I guess. But, we are with him!
dpp
dpp,
this mamak just covet the MB post and no law will ever stop him. If he has to sell his family to get the crown, he will not even blink an eye.
he has the temerity to talk about going back to the people with right policies. in the first freaking place, the coup is a shitty wrong policy.
Take a hike, Zambry.
WHERE THE HELL IS RPK LA WEI? AREN'T WE SUPPOSE TO WAL WITH MALAYSIA TODAY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
OR SHALL WE CALL RUN WITH RPK!?
Dear parpu kari
RPK play tai chi with Bumno lah! No point in direct confrontation anymore!
dpp
Ringgit, ringgit oh it is
The peoples' eyes dreaming ice
Make it into reality
Albino surely will cry
Yet Albino makes
Fooling the people
Weaving magic
Even through back door
Swinging through and fro
The jumping frogs
So eager to take the ringgit
Forgetting the trust
Ignoring the people
Self preservation comes first
The holy men
Sitting in the palace
Brewing laws
Twittering to Albino
All for ringgit
Dreams are made
And the pirates of Pangkor
Raising flag calling it legitimate
Ordered by the black knight
Building bonfire partying without shame
All for ringgit, dreams and wealth
And the people
Beginning to feel the heat
Lies, cheating, crumbs, women, wine and songs
They wake up never be the same again
Change must come else they better go to sleep
wow caravanserai
may the ringgit rise the right way1
dpp
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