STOP PRESS! 1NATION (NOT ISRAEL) CORNERS DAMN OSCARS!

by chichakman pontianak spielscameronramliburger, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for d movies and d arts affairs

(CLICK ON PICS FOR ENLARGED VIEW)

Yes, it's that time of the year again. DAMN (donplaypuks® Academy of Movie News) Oscars time again! And what a performance from1Nation's (Not Israel) movie producers, directors, actors and actresses. Of course, a $150 million Taxpayer whacked Boing contribution to Apcot PR Spindoctors and  Quacks Inc has resulted in an appropriate and truly justifiable inclusion of this fantasy achievement in the New Age Genius Book of Records for 5-year old Leonardo Da Vinci Code Breakers.

To recap on the DAMN Oscars, click click here

“The formal ceremony at which the 2011 DAMN Oscars awards will be presented shall be held at the world class open-air Gong Badak World Class Stadium in KT and televised globally. It is expected to be one of the most prominent award ceremonies in the world, attracting film stars, producers and glitterati from Hollywood, Bollywood, Kollywood and Honkytonkywood, overshadowing other international award ceremonies such as the Hollywood Oscar, Hammy (best ham actor), Grammy (best grandmother story), Tony (Tony Roma, best steaks), Cannes (best tin cans), Bata (best school shoes), Buntutsan Awards (best bad- ass racist journo) and the like.”


BREAKING NEWS! "KUALA TERENGGANU: A consulting engineer was charged at the Sessions Court in connection with the Sultan Mizan Zainal Abidin Stadium roof collapse in Gong Badak here, nearly two years ago." click here 

Here's a selection of movies from 1Nation (Not Israel), 3 Systerns (systems + cisterns) that will be vieing for this year's DAMN Oscars from an organization set up in 2009 to recognize excellence of professionals in the local film industry, including directors, actors, actresses and writers, with an annual award.

TRUE TEFLON-COATED GRIT 

 

A truly stirring re-make of a riotous 1969 movie about a one-arm bandit de facto President Rose Maddie who wears the pants (and her very cross dressing, skirt wearing and $100 million consultants besotted President husband) who engages ruthless Chief of Police, One-eyed and perennially drunk Rooster Cocklessburnt to track down the killers of Maddie's mother, Stevie Sharibu. 

Rose Maddie offers $1 billion reward money to the captors of the killers. This is announced as 'final and will be withdrawn over my dead body" through state owned ANAL (Apanama News Agency Limited) and Buntutsan Parsely, Sage, Rosemary and Thimes newspaper. However, an hour later Maddie declares her decision as "final but not certain" and "withdrawn (tarik balik)." 

Nevertheless, Rooster Cocklessburnt is joined by Police Ranger, Le Beef No Pork, in hot pursuits of clues and leads to the killers, Chinaman Eat Anything Oso Can and the Ned Black Pepper Chicken Steak Gang, who venture deep into No Beef, Pork Maybe, Mutton Yum Indian-tribes territory. The Indians are busy and furious, interloked with casteing off tribal disputes and slurs and taunts that "yo mama was a coolie and yo papa was a rolling black stone and a travelling salesman who made his home wherever he found a lay."

In the showdown, Stevie Sharibu's seven killers are all shot dead with a single bullet in true spaghetti western style, but not before they confess that they had acted under Maddie's orders!

On his return, Rooster Cocklessburnt demands a RCI (Royal Commission of Iniquity) into Stevie Sharibu's death. Despite overwhelming testimony and proof offered at the RCI, nothing sticks on the Teflon coated gritty President Rose Maddie who goes off to Saudi Arabia to look into international terrorist organizations operating at home.

 
THETHE KKING'S SSPPEECCHH IS CCANCCELLEDD



A truly stirring movie about a de facto Prime Minister, Rose Georgina the Sixth who wears the pants (and her very cross dressing, skirt wearing and $100 million consultants besotted Prime Minister husband) who stutters, stammers and stumbles her way from billion $ direct nego monopolistic government contracts to billion $ direct nego monopolistic government contracts. She infuriates the poor, starving and hungry people by flippantly dismissing them with:

"Let them eat half-baked Roti Jala Cake from the Paramatta School Laboratory for 5-year old Leonardo Da Vinci Code Breakers!"

Her Presidency is nearly C4'd until fate intervenes and she stumbles across the internationally renown therapissartist, the Swamiji Bhagwan Sri Bungunwashed Baksheesh Ji, founder of the Worldwide Howdeepisyourlove Free Love Society, School of Transcendental Meditation, 3 and 4-D Numbers Forecast and Predictions University. Everyone calls him BeeJi.

BeeJi recommends Rose Georgina take up cigar smoking or chewing on seven sterilised marbles to cure her stutter and stammer. It works, but she develops a peculiar Mongolian accent.

The dynamic trio next embark upon a nefarious plot to declare marshal law, cancel forthcoming general elections, suspend the Constitution, abolish Constitutional Monarchy and replace it with a Republic and turn the nation into a vassal of the People's Republic of China through Singapor, become the 51st state of USA and a colony of Israel and Zionists! The plan is announced as 'final and will be withdrawn over my dead body" through state owned ANAL (Apanama News Agency Limited) and Buntutsan Parsely, Sage, Rosemary and Thimes newspaper. However, a minute later Rose Georgina declares her decision as "final but not certain" and "withdrawn (tarik balik)." No dead body is delivered anywhere. 

There are riots in Tunisia and Egypt and World War 3 breaks out!


BAN THE SOCIAL NETWORK FOREVER 

A truly stirring movie about a nerdish President Rose Erika Alldarkjib who wears the pants (and her very cross dressing, skirt wearing and $100 million consultants besotted Pesident husband) and her confounding group of Ministers who strike out to censor and ban the Internet forever!

Supported by Home Minister Mark Kerissuckerburger and bank rolled by his buddy for Arty Farty Affairs, Computers and MsInformation, Eduardo Tim Rice, the Government institutes multiple lawsuits, counter suits and Armani suits against anonymous bloggers who frequently expose corruption in the Cabinet and Party. But their bark turns out to be worse than their byte as bloggers continue to defy them.

Bloggers also detect that government computers are infected with the Roti Jala Government Economist Virus - the country is bankrupt but all the statistics show it is ahead of China! They attack the government's kitchen-sink economic policies. Worse follows. Government computers are attacked by the Airlines Baggage Virus - the hard disc remains at home, but the data ends up in Singapore and Wikileaks!

Refusing to own up to mistakes (like the Ted Kennedy Virus - one which crashes the hard disc but denies it ever happened) President Rose Erika Alldarkjib, Mark Kerissuckerburger and Eduardo Tim Rice depart for the leading democratic nations of the world - China, Iran, Iraq, Somalia, Libya, N.Korea, Russia, Egypt, Saudi (and Dubai Shopping Mall) - for inspiration on how to combat the cyber traitors. A small team comprising family members, maids and 2,000 government IT and administration civil servants (who are like programming or sex - one fcuk-up and you have to support the by-product for life) accompanies them!

They return and President Rose Erika Alldarkjib proposes a new law banning the Internet forever. The plan is announced as 'final and will be withdrawn over my dead body" through state owned ANAL (Apanama News Agency Limited) and Buntutsan Parsely, Sage, Rosemary and Thimes newspaper. Spontaneous protests break out all over the nation as millions gather in open air in the capital and leading cities. A day later, President Erika Alldarkjib declares her decision as "final but not certain" and "withdrawn (tarik balik)."

President Rose Erica Alldarkjib (and her very cross dressing, skirt wearing and $100 million consultants besotted Pesident husband), Mark Kerissuckerburger and Eduardo Tim Rice flee to Dubai Shopping Mall screaming like an Arnold Schwareznegger Virus - Hasta La Vista, baby! We'll be back! 

Once in a long while, a rose just stinks to high heaven and becomes a huge unvoted for thorny problem to the nation!

donplaypuks® with the Internet and democracy, man!