I TOO HAVE BEEN RELIABLY INFORMED (NO SD) BY JOHN SOH, RPK!

by hrh raja stat decl, Donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for frenemy affairs

If we carefully and dispassionately examine our lives, we will not fail to come to the conclusion that by and large, we are ourselves 99.99% of the time the primary architects of our own fate. So, Raja Petra Kamaruddin, RPK, of Malaysia Today, must increasingly find it totally depressing that instead of basking in the warm adoration of legions of fans, he’s actually languishing in cold, wet and dreary Manchester, and increasingly being more reviled, loathed and cursed than ever by disappointed Malaysians.

Wither Tai Chi and Sun Tzu’s ‘Art of War’ whose tactics and strategies RPK claims to espouse wholly, much to the mystification of his readers? Sadly, this is what transpires when you watch too many Hollywood and Honky Kung Fu movies and American TV programs. In many years of travelling through Malaysia, Singapore, UK, USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Singapore and Indonesia, I have never come across a single tycoon or top CEO who actually practises any of Sun Tzu’s strategies. It’s called ‘The Art of War’ dummy, not ‘The Real Art of Doing Real Business’. In Malaysia especially, you only need ‘The Art of Angkat Bola’ or “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours’ to become fabulously rich.

As for Tai Chi, the only variety of it being practised anywhere outside of China appears to be the one where a lot of OAP’s gather in the gloom of early morning in the remaining open green spaces fast being reclaimed by greedy developers, and go through these ‘slow mo’ moves to improve blood circulation, and then head to the nearest coffee shop for a monster cholesterol-oozing breakfast.

Surely, if RPK is any kind of a worthy exponent of Tai Chi and ‘The Art of War,’ he should have been able to walk straight through the minefields of BUMNO/BN and Dr. Imelda Birkin Rosemajib instead of having to run for cover to London and UK, should he not? Reminds me of all these clairvoyants who claimed to have predicted 9/11 and JFK’s assassination, but not the exact day, date and time of their own misfortunes or death!

Let me make some bold assertions:

1. I’d still rather have RPK around blogging up a storm than not. On balance, I think he’s on the side of Pakatan winning GE13 and BUMNO/BN being relegated to a minority party in Opposition.
2.  I accept he should do exposé’s to reveal shenanigans, whether by BUMNO/BN or Pakatan. But RPK must accept that you can’t expect perfection in politics, which, as much as it may be about the art of the deal, compromise or possible, is also about settling for the short-term on the lesser of two evils.
3.  He’s got absolutely no loyalty to anyone but himself. Whistleblowers must be congenitally insane to confess their secrets to RPK; they can expect no protection from RPK as a benefactor
4. He’s nothing more than a blogger, but a good one. He’s not a professional journalist or serious writer. He knows it, that’s exactly what he wants and that’s why his modus operandi is more akin to that of a bull  in a china shop than that of say, a savvy, experienced, smooth PR expert and strategist.
5.  He sure as hell made some kind of a deal with BUMNO/BN and Dr. Imelda Birkin Rosemajib over that TV3 interview which drew attention to his (in)famous Statutory Declaration about allegations of Altantuya’s murderers, which begins with “I have been reliably informed…” No one is that naive. It was meant to give relief to Dr. Imelda Birkin Rosemajib. What was the carrot? Money, $millions of it? Was it a deal involving his son’s release from remand on framed up charges and subsequent  no-questions-asked flight to London?  

But for all that, he’s lost the plot.

But should we have expected anything more from a man, who by his own admission, has embraced causes ranging from the Iranian Islamic Revolution to the Iraq invasion, Talibanism and what else not? That RPK should present these in his resume to convince us that he’s paid his dues to the nation, is, not only just laughable, but downright silly. It clearly shows the immature mind we are dealing with. Or is it the kind of reaction we expect from someone who says he’s a serious blogger, invites people for their views and then lashes out at criticism with “Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do….”

You can have an uncontrollable quick temper when you are in your twenties and, possibly, early thirties. Beyond that, such outbursts usually result in disaster at the personal level as evidenced by RPK’s sudden departure from office in PKR. Any man who exhibits such massive egotism and megalomania is a danger unto himself. I mean what kind of a fuck philosophy is "If everyone hates me, I’m doing my job.” Listen man, if you are doing your job well, everyone (who matters) should love and worship you. The flip side of that coin is? If they hate you and curse the ground you walk on, you are doing shit fuck all! Think Ghandhi and Mandela vs Stalin or Mao.

I have been reliably informed (no SD) by two leading lawyers in KL that the day RPK returns to Malaysia, he will be slapped with a dozen subpoenas for defamation suits, over and above those that Shafee and other pro-BUMNO layers have already filed. Why? Because recently, he fired a salvo against Pakatan lawyer-MP’s and Aduns for allegedly corruptly profiting and benefiting to the tune of $ millions from work done for the Selangor State Government and its agencies. This totally false accusation famously and spectacularly blew up in RPK’s face for which he did not have the decency or grace to apologise.

He has again taken to shooting from the hip in straining to convince his readers that he has a balanced approach in his ooh, Tai Chi and ‘Art of War’ machinations. RPK has revived the ghost of corruption in sandmining involving State-owned companies in Selangor. There is also this further allegation of 7 sandmining whistleblowers having been sacked from their jobs. Selangor MB Khalid Ibrahim responded immediately with a Selcat public hearing. He’s even invited Selangor BN Co-ordinator, Mohd. Zin Ahmad, to present evidence of corruption in sandmining at the public hearings instead of sniping from the sidelines with bland, standard innuendos and threatening statements like “I have been reliably informed…” 

Would such a strong, positive response have come from an BUMNO/BN controlled Selangor State Government, now, or previously when they were in charge? Does it remotely look like MB Khalid Ibrahim condones corruption in Selangor? Compare this with the denial mode in which BUMNO/BN has been lurching from one financial crisis and scandal to another vis-à-vis $250 million cowgate affair, $7 billion proposed Banting-Taiping Toll Highway, $2.2 billion Kidex involving an ex-CJ’s wife and UMNO lawyer, $7.6 billion purchase of armoured vehicles…….the list is endless!

Which brings us to RPK’s latest “John Soh reliably told me….” exposé.

But first, let’s dispose of Haris Ibrahim of ‘The People’s Parliament’ blog. While still bleeding from RPK’s backstabbing wounds resulting in him (Haris) resigning as President of Malaysian Civil Liberties Movement (MCLM), Haris rushes to give a modicum of respect to RPK’s latest character assassination attempt on Anwar Ibrahim by demanding Anwar reply to RPK’s totally hearsay blogpost, or else.

Or else what, Haris? Will you never learn?

Haris, like his mentor RPK, seems to be all over the place; a jack of all movements with jackshit to show for it. You want to have a say in which party nominates which candidate for GE 13, then ‘turum gelanggang.’ Sign up with PAS or DAP or PKR or Parti Socialis, whatever and move it. ABU is not a political party, but a clever campaign slogan.

And Haris, what are you hanging on to RPK’s petticoat for? He’s told you in refined classic Mancunian – “FOOKIN ‘ELL, FOOKIN 'ARIS IBRAHIM OF MALAYSIA, FOOK OFF!” – and you still would give him a veneer of credence? You still don't get the message? Have you no shame or self-respect? You saved him in Bangkok and this is the reward and show of gratitude?

Why ask Anwar to respond to RPK? Why should he? Are they equlas? Has RPK been doing Anwar any great favours recently? No, in fact he’s 90% “convinced” Anwar is a sodomist and that he’s not morally fit to be Malaysia’s Prime Minister, ever. Anwar's lately been through hell and back. So, if he's a bit remiss in communicating with RPK, does that warrant RPK pouting and behaving like a petulant child and playing ball with Dr. Imelda Birkin Rosemajib and government controlled MSM? With “impartial” friends like RPK, Anwar needs enemies?

Why did you not demand John Soh sign a Statutory Declaration confirming all that he’s supposed to have sobbed out to Dear Aunty RPK?

What seems to have escaped these brilliant Tai Chi and ‘Art of War’ exponents is that they have all been had, set up. They have all been had and set up, bad! Why?  

1. A tycoon may be worth $billions on paper, but how many have $300 million spare cash to bribe 30 politicians to jump ship, even as a bridging loan? John Soh? Even in his heydays, John Soh was not worth $1/2 billion. I am reliably told (no SD) that even today many ex-Omega Securities remisiers who lost all their deposits in the 1997 $400 million fleecing fraud at Omega Securities, have parangs in their desk drawers awaiting the return of one, Yeoh Lee Ho, CEO of Omega, who absconded to Australia.
2. Both Tony Tiah, then major shareholder and CEO of TA Securities, and John Soh, were fined $6 million each and banned from holding any directorships in public listed companies for five years, when after lengthy plea bargaining, they pleaded guilty to two charges of providing false statements to the KLSE over the Omega debacle.Now, RPK and Haris expect us to believe a word of what this discredited John Soh is supposed to have confessed to RPK?
3. And had John Soh actually coughed up $300 million from thin air, BUMNO and ‘Gua Tolong Lu, Lu Tolong Gua” Dr. Imelda Birkin Rosemajib would have counter offered with $450 million ($15 million x 30 frogs)? And these frogs would have actually been free to spend $25 million each?  I think it would be easier to sell that other story to Malaysians - that Santa Claus actually exists and lives in the North Pole.
4. Then again, if Anwar has all these $ billions stashed away in Satan and Zion Lands, wtf would he want to put himself in the clutches of a shadowy operator and apparently, a manipulator, like John Soh, or anyone else? Sodomist, Bigamist, Morally Unfit, and now Masochist and Sadist as well, not to mention Stupid? 

Set up by who? I was reliably informed (no SD) by Dr. Imelda Birkin Rosemajib when we last met, I forget when and where, that Raja Petra Kamaruddin’s gullibility had to be seen to be believed. There is a school of thought, and it's not as far-fetched as it sounds, that it's BUMNO/BN and Dr. Imelda Birkin Rosemajib who are keeping RPK financed in UK, where he can do more damage to Pakatan (by the TV3 deal struck) than if he were physically in Kuala Lumpur.

If RPK is to be believed, people everywhere are falling over themselves making all sorts of confessions to him. Even Anwar:

“I can believe this because this was exactly what Anwar told me when we met in London in 2010. In fact, Anwar was even more blunt in his criticism of the Menteri Besar. He said that Khalid was stubborn and had a huge ego and would not ‘listen to advice’. My retort was: you created the monster so why can’t you just un-create what you created? (In fact, I wrote about this before)… Azmin Ali is up in arms. He is grumbling that Selangor Menteri Besar Tan Sri Khalid Ibrahim is bypassing the ‘correct channels’ in making decisions...”

And RPK is credible because? He once hobnobbed with the great Maha Firaun? Does he not realise that in Today's Malaysia, that's a kiss of death?

Well, as each day passes by, it’s becoming painfully obvious that the deal RPK signed with ‘Gua Tolong Lu, Lu Tolong Gua” Dr. Imelda Birkin Rosemajib includes:

•  A blitz in Malaysia Today to try and influence Malaysians not to vote for Anwar Ibrahim, along the lines of “even if I lose one eye, Anwar should lose both”.  
• Driving a wedge between Khalid Ibrahim, and Anwar and Azmin. “Even if I lose GE 13, you (RPK) must help us (BUMNO/BN) get Selangor back”.

I think RPK would be better off writing brilliant exposés like “The Reward For Giving Perak Back To BUMNO” than wasting time on cindrella fairy tales and BUMNO/BN propaganda. 

RPK should also start a ‘Dear Aunty” hard-up and sob story blog. He’s got a gift for it. 

To slightly twist a well-known adage:

There are causes and there are horses. There are causes for horses, and horses for causes.

So, if you are a leader, be a leader. If you are horse, then know your place, but by all means rise and gallop away to glory. But when you try to be all things to all people, you usually end up being universally distrusted and intensely disliked by all.

I still read RPK’s ‘Malaysia Today’ and Haris Ibrahim’s ‘The People’s Parliament’ daily. It sure beats paying $2.40 a day to sift through the trash in the New State Parsely Sage Rosemary & Thighmes or the Daily WCW Jalan Alor Setar Hackrag.

Again, I feel that we are on the same side. I sympathise with RPK's and his wifes' predicament. No Malaysian citizen should have to fight his battles from abroad by involuntary exile. In a perfect world, our laws, the laws of asses, that pushed RPK to the brink would be deemed ultra vires (Buntutsan, please note this means 'illegal and not 'insulting') our Federal Constitution by fearless judges. That day will arrive soon.

And yet…and yet…? You too? You get that funny feeling that we are all being had?

And once again, who am I? Just a humble, nobody Malaysian first, middle and last blogger who cares how and where we are heading as a nation.

As for Tai Chi and the ‘Art of War’ I was reliably informed (no SD) by their Chinese founders that they are turning so much in their graves, it’s threatening a 10.0 Richter Scale earthquake blowout in China.

Donplaypuks® with your loyalties and statutory declarations, man!