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13/02/2012

INTERGRI T? SORRY, WE HAVEN'T SERVED THAT BLEND SINCE 1969!

by jantan tongkat ali & kacip fat mama, Donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for high T teh tarik affairs



The battle-scarred veteran of many a GATT/WTO skirmish for free AP handouts to rich relatives and cronies under the affirmative action (for the rich and haves) driven New Economic Policy, Madam rAPidafire Ironic Lady, stormed into the deserted parlour of 1M $40 Million Heavily Subsidised Ye Olde Madras Town Mamak Tea Shoppe.

" A pot of my favourite Intergri T, Maidin. Lots of it. And be snappy about it, or else...You know who I am, don't you?"

"Aren't you that Biggest Loser Lady who always doing the Hari Raya TV ad with frizzed out rat fur on her head, year in year out at the same rural, rustic house in Melaka?

"What? How dare you confuse me with country yokel peasants! And where's my Intergri T?"

"Well, you are a bit behinding the times, Madam rAPidafire. We not serving that Alliance Daching blend since 13th May1969, and certainly not after July 1981."

"In that case, a pot of Earl Grey, Darjeeling or Tetley's Tea Bags will do. Chop, chop! You know what they say:
  1. Tetley's Tea Bags - 90% aroma, 10% body.
  2. Earl Grey - 50% aroma, 50% body.
  3. Darjeeling - 90% body,  10% aroma.
"Sorry Madam rAPidafire, we don't serving yimported British or Yindian tea."

"Bah! What a low class joint! And I'll have none of the Boh ganja powder adulterated "got oomph" local stuff for me."

"Just for you Madam, we having special promotion of tea from downing under. Coming 5 flavours:
  1. Far T - 90% aroma, 10 % body. Sold by the cc (cubic centimetres).
  2. Shi T - 50% aroma, 50% body. Sold by the kg (kilogram).
  3. Cnu T - 90% body, 10% aroma. Sold by china doll.
  4. Pas T - 100% fundamental hot air for those religiously inclined. Sold by Osama (deceased).
  5. Dato Trio T - 100% HollyBollyTonkywood aroma. The creme de la creme of BUMNO sponsored salacious spicy teas, specially imported from the salons of Phat Pong in Bangcoq. When boiling water is poured over the tea leaves, a magical top layer of blue film will appear, which when sipped, can transform full-haired young men into pot-bellied grandpas wearing crew cut hairsyle. Must be consumed with jantan ali copporn. Boiling water must be timed with Omega Oyster Perpetual Day-Date Wrist Watch donated by Saudi Prince. For best results, comely China Doll will be on hand to ensure first boil is achieved satisfactorily in exactly 15 minutes and second boil, 30 minutes later. Sold by Cik Thamby Pendek.
Would you trying a cup of any?"

"No, not today, thank you. Just a bottle of mineral water then."

"Ah, that we having 3 types:
  1. Air Hitam du TOILET with brown sludge ooze and ammonia, optional. Specially collected and bottled from Puncak, Splash and Syabas underground springs in the Klang Valley.
  2. Air Derriere du FLOM (First Lady of Mongolia) reserved to keep in shape the blossoming butts of FLOM, FLOS (First Lady of Shopping) and FLOP (First Lady of Putrajaya).
  3. Air Asia du CHEAP (Certified Helluva Experience Aero Planes) at $15 a bottle with $30 coqscrew if booked online and paid by credit card in advance. Otw, in-flight orders will cost $30 per bottle an coqscrew, $60. Now, Everyone Can Drink (if you can afford it, but you'll get coqscrewed anyway).
"Don't you have anything really special that you normally reserve for FLOCU?"

"Please don't be swearing at me, Madam rAPidafire!"

"Oh, el mega stupido Maidin, I meant  for First Lady of Curtin University."

"Oh, is there a doctor in the house?" 

 "Oh, do people have fake degrees here?'

"Perishing the thought!"

Donplaypuks® with INTEGRI T, man!  
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6 comments:

Personality Development Courses said...

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masterwordsmith said...

DPP!!!

You must include a disclaimer in this post that you will not be responsible for any untoward incident following excessive or explosive laughter when reading this post.

Simply brilliant!!! DPP at his best!

*clapping

Thank you!!!

cheers

Dpp said...

Hi MWS

Thanks for d compliment. Can you believe who's front paged on NST talking about d virtues of Integri T?

Talk about bare faced lying!

Legacy of Today said...

Integri-T died 5 plus decades ago. We have only Datuk-T today!

This is what umno has wrought.

Rosmah says said...

RAFIDAH IS ON NAJIB'S SIDE COZ SHE JUST CAN'T KISS AND MAKE UP WITH DR.M.......AND HOPING TO REPLACE SHARIZAT IN THE CABINET, IF AND WHEN BN MANAGE TO SCRAP THROUGH IN THE ELECTION..

charlie chan said...

WAH. 1 CURI malaysia- AP QUEEN VERSUS COW QUEEN