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19/06/2017

ROTI JALA'S OSA FGVH REPORT TO NAJIB LEAKED!

For reason's best known to PM Najib, he appointed Roti Jala, of Transformers fame, the serious task of unraveling the mess in Felda Global Ventures Holdings Plc (FGVH). Roti Jala, who normally does not take anything seriously, but waffles and bluffs his way through complicated economic theories, was only too glad to help Najib, considering he had no real job.

Roti Jala had convinced Najib to ditch Mahathir's Wawasan 2020, (Vision 2020) announced in 1991, to be replaced by GTP, ETP, NTP, PEMANDU, KRA, NKRA, KPI, Transformers, Autobots, Decepticons, Maximus Prime and Megatron. If Roti Jala had hoped to confuse everyone by blinding them with acronyms, he succeeded exceedingly well.

In his previous job as MAS CEO, he had succeeded in convincing Najib and UMNO that MAS was only a teeny-weeny step away from overtaking SIA. He did this by selling off MAS HQ for about RM1.8 billion and claiming MAS had "turned the corner". Predictably, MAS collapsed shortly after Roti Jala departed to PEMANDU, driven by an ambition that said, if you want to fail, FAIL BIG!

PEMANDU was put in cold storage after it was found that they had not achieved national income growth targets and had been massaging statistics with unrealistic projections and moving base years to give 'feel-good' numbers. So, Roti Jala and Najib came up with TN50 - Tipu Negara 50Tahun with a budget based on Najib's acute and nimble mathematical skills and budgeting expertise, viz, the gaffe of 26-9=15!

As in UMNO/BN, and particularly under Najib, big failure is always rewarded with bigger promotion. Roti Jala, driven to success and intoxicated with power, became owner of privatised PEMANDU and Chairman of Heineken! CLICK HERE.

Roti Jala, appointed in his "personal capacity" (whatever the eff that means), had hoped that his in-depth and scintillating Top, Top Secret FGVH report to Najib would be kept under lock and key, so that his brilliant transformational change recommendations could be swiftly implemented. 

But, unfortunately for him, and fortunately for the Rakyat, the report was leaked to Donplaypuks®. 

Here it is:

14th June 2015 2016 2018
His Royal Highness and My Personal God Najib Tun Razak
Sir/Tuan (delete as appropriate)

I refer to my recent appointment in my"personal capacity" (whatever the eff that means) to look into the affairs of FGVH. 

In actual fact, I had completed my report within 5 minutes of arriving at FGVH HQ last week. But, Chairman Jesus Asmad had insisted on Buka Puasa with a sumptuous feast of roti jala, rendang jala, nasi lemak jala (takde telur) and teh tarik jala. All that took another 6 days. I digress. Here are my findings:

1. There is no rumour to the truth that there were incidents of corporate misgovernance, malfeasance, misfeasance, corruption, misappropriation of funds, false accounting, crony award of multi-billion ringgit inflated contracts, fraud or money-laundering.

2. Any rumour to the truth is the result of a George Soros, Jewish, Zionist and Singapore conspiracy and plot.

3. It is true that FGVH shares prices have dropped by a disastrous average of 65%, from the 2012 IPO price of RM4.55 to RM1.60. As a result, FELDA and other GLC's have suffered about RM8 billion book loss on FGVH shares. In no way is this His Royal Highness and My Personal God Najib Tun Razak's fault even though you had inflated the IPO price with unsustainable projections and forced the GLC's to buy the shares after threatening their Chairmen, CEO's and directors with sackings. Not to mention failing to provide for replanting costs in the IPO projections.


4. While it is true that FGVH profit after tax dropped by 67% between 2012-2015, and that Chairman Jesus Asmad's remuneration had increased by over 200% during the same period, he is not to be blamed. He should not be sacked or asked to pay back his gaji buta bonus. We should blame Anwar Ibrahim, Lim Kit Siang and/or Dr.Mahathir.



5. While it is true the recently departed Marvellous Marvani Da Man was the CEO, he too should not be blamed for FGVH's disastrous drop in profits. After all, what would happen to all our GLC's if CEO's were forced to be accountable for profit performance? Surely, it is due to the lack of support from the Chinese (apa lagi Cina mahu?), Indians (all gangsters and hit-men) and the lazy non-Muslim heathens and buggers in The Land Below The Wind and the Land of the Hornbills.

RECOMMENDATION

There is only one way to restore FGVH to 2012 profit levels:

1. Pray hard and hope God will smile upon us. OR

2. For a small remuneration package of RM12 million a year plus share options of RM500 million, I am once again, in the interest of Tanah Air Ku, willing and prepared to make great sacrifices and be appointed sole MD of FGVH and FELDA. (Shahrir Asmad who has already received RM1 million you stole from 1MDB/SRC so generously gave from your own pockets, knows as much about the oil palm industry as he does about quantum physics).

The office of Chairman will be abolished. Charimakan Jesus Asmad will have to be prematurely terminated and punished severely with a severance package of RM100 million. After all, he has sacrificed so much to ensure FGVH did not totally collapse, by shifting the blame to others.

I hope to hear from you soon confirming my new job.

Faithfully


Paul Roti Jala
(In my "personal capacity" whatever the eff that means)

15 comments:

SRK said...

Very funny...lol

PTD said...

Brilliant report...😂😂😂😂

DC said...

You nailed it!

DJ said...

ini baru yg betul .analisis yg transparent ...

STC said...

Funtastic report...!!! 👏👏👏

PT said...

You really make my days.....never have such a good laughs in a long while since Jibby ascended the UMNO throne....keep up the good humorous report on Roti Jala....got to get back to my roti Jala, Coke Jala, Nasi Lemak Jala, whatever's that meant...you have brighten up the days for everyone....hahahahehe....

S Foo said...

Hilarious and fun to read!

BUT the two spreadsheet tables are genuine.

Look at the gaji si-Isa has for 2015. My goodness RM1.7m!! That will take me many many years to get that amount. And with this type of gaji, WHY is the share dropped from 4.5 to the current 1.6 after he becomes the chairman of FGV? Guess only Najib, his boss believes he is THAT good!

Now he is going to be the next chairman of SPAD. Good luck SPAD, you really need it when si-Isa comes aboard.

Abdul A said...

Hahaha...its truly a superb report...

L Roland said...

This Sabah Christian caught cheat and lied.

AW Emran said...

It is common in Malaysian Corp that cronies get allowance, bonus and gaji buta not inline with company's performance. While the rest of the working level, potong gaji, zero OT, late salary etc even when the company do well. That is why some Malays join UMNO to be in the long queue to be in the cronyism eco-systems. To them how else to get rich? To them getting rich this way is an entitlement. And I think not just UMNO

M Ali said...

Caught lying to the people of Malaysia, the voters. Then caught by the FBI for embezzlement, theft of public funds and they still think they have done nothing wrong.

Sure look like these UMNO politicians have unsound minds. Looks like they have somekind of mental illness by how they think and what they are actually saying in public

LTS said...

n America we have David Copperfield n over in MALAYSIA we have Jala the great magician. Overnight all disappeared wrapped under osa n the bloodsucker leech moves to another body

Anonymous said...

Wonderful exposition, continue with your good work unveiling, unravelling the FGV secrets/losses, 1MDB mother of all scandals, and the future SPAD scandals if Jasus Asmad coninues to be still there.
Time to have my Roti Jala before jibby eats it up, see you at the jala kopitiam around the corner!

PPS said...

From Wawasan 2020 to TN 50........you know what it means? Procrastination is the thief of time!

PM said...

However, you have made the report to look like is not important. What is important is have you taken bribes because bribery blinds the eyes and perverts the mouth. And he will have the Judgement of God to contend with.

Being a Christian you are held accountable to a higher authority than just the corrupt govt of the day, you will be held accountable God.

Idris the Judgement won't be pretty and it will run thru your generations to come . The Word of God that goes out does not comeback empty. So I do hope that you are prepared for he consequences of your actions . God is no respecter of man , and definitely your boss, Najib.

Is it worth incurring the wrath and judgement of God ?