'POO POO TO PP? NOT ON YOUR LIFE!' or‘we come here to praise caesar, not to bury him. the evil that men do lives after them. for the good is oft interred with the bones…if you have tears, prepare to shed them now. shakespeare
by cheiro edward cayce, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent on numbers and futures forecasting affairs.
(Par III - 'SIGHFUL IS PREGNANT!' to follow soon)by cheiro edward cayce, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent on numbers and futures forecasting affairs.
'You dare to wake me up from my mid-morning power-nap just to inform me of breaking news about Sir Abim Obasama's candidature for the PP by-election, Cassius Sil? Have you gone stark raving mad? You know the rules. Don't your guys at 4th floor ever read my memos?' roared Premier Rip Van Winkle, a usually Clark Kent-type mild-mannered, soft spoken man who had returned from a 7.30 a.m. hazardous and eye-opening LRT ride. He now knew what the peasants had to put up with in mass public transport and why his civil servants were always late reporting for work at the Palace of the Succesful Prince.'
'Well, I thought you might want to know. I will bury him, that 3-minutes instant sodo mee crazy traitor,' screamed Cassius Sil, otw aka, Hairy Plotter the Silly, a dark man with lean and hungry looks, furious that Rip's indifference would deny him the only route to the highest office in the land. How then could he acquire an actress or tv newscaster as a 2nd trophy wife befitting a Havoxbridge triple-degree graduate? S..t !
'Well, I thought you might want to know. I will bury him, that 3-minutes instant sodo mee crazy traitor,' screamed Cassius Sil, otw aka, Hairy Plotter the Silly, a dark man with lean and hungry looks, furious that Rip's indifference would deny him the only route to the highest office in the land. How then could he acquire an actress or tv newscaster as a 2nd trophy wife befitting a Havoxbridge triple-degree graduate? S..t !
'If you have tears, prepare to shed them now. It may be your career that may result in being interred with the bones if you mess about. Anyway, it's not my problem. I have already announced my retirement due in 2010. So, let General Rosemajibbed worry about it. He's the one going around saying it's his destiny.' mumbled Rip, as he turned over on the sofa with his back to Cassius Sil. 'Oh, and wake me up only if Obasama does not win, understand?' yawned the man aka Imam Hadhari.
'Fcuk you, old goat!' swore Cassius Sil under his breathe, as he stormed out, heading for Gen Rosemajibbed's Secret HQ in Room 69 in Concordat Hotel.
'Ah, there you are General Rosemajibbed. You heard about PP and Obasama? We have to do something quick. Kerismudin is threatening to go down to PP and wave his krisis all over. That will finish us off once and for all. And then, Dopeygrumpymopeydin is suggesting we dont turn up, give Obasama a walk-over!'
'Ten Hutt!’ Slow down young bull-dozer. Firstly, you will address me as Sir. Understand that and stand to attention in my presence! Next, forget about Kerismudin. If he steps anywhere near PP, the Chinese will have him for breakfast and not even burp! As for Dopeygrumpymopeydin, if he thinks he can poo poo the PP matter and hei ho, hei ho to a higher position by playing puks with us, then in the next wooden Cabinet, I will put him in charge of the new pig farm in Sell-Out-All State. I may even be tempted to ask the Oso Corupt Assoc to look into how he can afford $10,000 Ermenadildozena & Bossy Suits. I will not hand PP to Obasama on a silver platter, you better understand!
I have advice from Swamiji Beeji that ‘in sighful-nes may lie my salvation.’ You comprendo? That’s your job for the PP campaign. Milk Sighful to the maximum. Cream him. Probe every angle, nook, corner, aperture and grotto. Leave no hole unopened. We can’t defeat Obasama in PP, but we can blacken his name as much as we can.’
‘But Sir, thats mean it would be sub-judice. Not quite cricket, wot?’
‘How green you are. Judge for yourself. In our country, we have the most number of honourable men whom money alone cannot buy. You also have funds left over from the my cup runneth over the monsoon bash, non-krisistal palace of worship and that gaji-buta plc, Ecumenical Centre for the Masses of Libra Astrologers.Your half-indian, half-christian friend Harry Kalimuthusamyji, the Lion City spy, and his gang have control of the dailies. We have too Apanama News Agency Liaisons (ANAL) exclusively for our propaganda. And then we have our ace in the hole, Agent Provocateur HotRod One Two KO who will organise the assaults on reporters and intimidation of voters. HotRod One One KO, code name Black Moose, is unfortunately recovering from a by-pass and cannot assist us with his usual traffic jams, water-cannons and tear gas.’
‘Sir, yes, yes. But who will be our candidate for PP? It’s a sure loser. Who can we sucker it to?'
‘See how naïve you are. For 10 million reasons, there will be a queue from Palace of the Successful Prince to PP, to apply for the one-off job. I have already chosen our man. He’s none other than a Doctor of Public Administration from the fake Thomas Alva Swan Bulb University in Wisconsin, Arizona, USA, and he is conversant in Mandarin. Very clever & innovative of him to set up a fake Alva University website using PP as the address for Wisconsin, Arizona. You know, Dr. Omar Sharif Shah Onnasis, that Goondu mamak Incredible Bulk, who like his brother, is eminently qualified to fail. He is one of our Glocals who managed to get admission to a Phd course immediately after completing his diploma course in food-eating technology. He’s more qualified than Obasama, who is only a basic degree holder. ’
‘Sir, Good God, you don’t mean his brother is Jacqui Shah Omar Onnasis who’s done the Rakyat for $7 billion out of a $24 billion project where they floated a Glocal MNC which has now sunk like a torpedoed scorpeneis submarine without a propeller, gone bankrupt and they have shipped him off to Saudi?’
‘Yes, he’s the one. If only he had focussed on business instead of gambling on the stock market casinos. So, get cracking Cassius Sil. My men are already under, on and above the ground and in the air in PP. And, I have my ace-in-the-hole which may just swing the votes our way!’
‘Sir, what may that be Sir, if I may be privy to such skullduggery and masterly Machiavellian planning? I may learn a good lesson here. Is it more devastating than a Statutory Declaration (SD), Sir?’
‘Fcuk off Cassius Sil. Don’t test my patience. Dismissed!!’
2 WEEKS LATER.
‘Sir, Obasama won with an even bigger majority, Sir. How could that have happened? What went wrong and whom shall we sack?’
‘Ten Hutt! You idiot Cassius Sil. You never learn do you. If we were to sack our people for every single $billion mistake they made, there would be none of us left in Govt, including you and your father-in-law, stupid. Geddit!!?’
‘But Sir, what about your ace-in-the-hole? Why didn’t that sink Obasama? That priest Ramalamadingdong Porikki #1 did a u-turn the next day by waltzing over to Sir Abim Obasama’s Campaign HQ, after he witnessed Sighful’s public confession by swearing on the holy book. Why didn’t the People belief in Sighful’s own public and door-to-door confessions? And what about all the millions we gave away to the poor People in PP to stay at home and not inteRfere in their own internal politics? I can’t figure it out!!’
‘I’m now wondering if the donations we allocated to the temples and the People were shared equitably with the poor. Get me BUMNOSE’s Head Beancounter on the line. Ten Hutt! Now listen here you Head Beancounter Zerobedicheroot, bring me the books and receipts for a quick audit. What!! You can’t do that without a direct order from Imam Hadhari? Damn, thats mean stabbed in the back again.
Et tu Brute? The unkindest cut of all !! Dismissed!'
I have advice from Swamiji Beeji that ‘in sighful-nes may lie my salvation.’ You comprendo? That’s your job for the PP campaign. Milk Sighful to the maximum. Cream him. Probe every angle, nook, corner, aperture and grotto. Leave no hole unopened. We can’t defeat Obasama in PP, but we can blacken his name as much as we can.’
‘But Sir, thats mean it would be sub-judice. Not quite cricket, wot?’
‘How green you are. Judge for yourself. In our country, we have the most number of honourable men whom money alone cannot buy. You also have funds left over from the my cup runneth over the monsoon bash, non-krisistal palace of worship and that gaji-buta plc, Ecumenical Centre for the Masses of Libra Astrologers.Your half-indian, half-christian friend Harry Kalimuthusamyji, the Lion City spy, and his gang have control of the dailies. We have too Apanama News Agency Liaisons (ANAL) exclusively for our propaganda. And then we have our ace in the hole, Agent Provocateur HotRod One Two KO who will organise the assaults on reporters and intimidation of voters. HotRod One One KO, code name Black Moose, is unfortunately recovering from a by-pass and cannot assist us with his usual traffic jams, water-cannons and tear gas.’
‘Sir, yes, yes. But who will be our candidate for PP? It’s a sure loser. Who can we sucker it to?'
‘See how naïve you are. For 10 million reasons, there will be a queue from Palace of the Successful Prince to PP, to apply for the one-off job. I have already chosen our man. He’s none other than a Doctor of Public Administration from the fake Thomas Alva Swan Bulb University in Wisconsin, Arizona, USA, and he is conversant in Mandarin. Very clever & innovative of him to set up a fake Alva University website using PP as the address for Wisconsin, Arizona. You know, Dr. Omar Sharif Shah Onnasis, that Goondu mamak Incredible Bulk, who like his brother, is eminently qualified to fail. He is one of our Glocals who managed to get admission to a Phd course immediately after completing his diploma course in food-eating technology. He’s more qualified than Obasama, who is only a basic degree holder. ’
‘Sir, Good God, you don’t mean his brother is Jacqui Shah Omar Onnasis who’s done the Rakyat for $7 billion out of a $24 billion project where they floated a Glocal MNC which has now sunk like a torpedoed scorpeneis submarine without a propeller, gone bankrupt and they have shipped him off to Saudi?’
‘Yes, he’s the one. If only he had focussed on business instead of gambling on the stock market casinos. So, get cracking Cassius Sil. My men are already under, on and above the ground and in the air in PP. And, I have my ace-in-the-hole which may just swing the votes our way!’
‘Sir, what may that be Sir, if I may be privy to such skullduggery and masterly Machiavellian planning? I may learn a good lesson here. Is it more devastating than a Statutory Declaration (SD), Sir?’
‘Fcuk off Cassius Sil. Don’t test my patience. Dismissed!!’
2 WEEKS LATER.
‘Sir, Obasama won with an even bigger majority, Sir. How could that have happened? What went wrong and whom shall we sack?’
‘Ten Hutt! You idiot Cassius Sil. You never learn do you. If we were to sack our people for every single $billion mistake they made, there would be none of us left in Govt, including you and your father-in-law, stupid. Geddit!!?’
‘But Sir, what about your ace-in-the-hole? Why didn’t that sink Obasama? That priest Ramalamadingdong Porikki #1 did a u-turn the next day by waltzing over to Sir Abim Obasama’s Campaign HQ, after he witnessed Sighful’s public confession by swearing on the holy book. Why didn’t the People belief in Sighful’s own public and door-to-door confessions? And what about all the millions we gave away to the poor People in PP to stay at home and not inteRfere in their own internal politics? I can’t figure it out!!’
‘I’m now wondering if the donations we allocated to the temples and the People were shared equitably with the poor. Get me BUMNOSE’s Head Beancounter on the line. Ten Hutt! Now listen here you Head Beancounter Zerobedicheroot, bring me the books and receipts for a quick audit. What!! You can’t do that without a direct order from Imam Hadhari? Damn, thats mean stabbed in the back again.
Et tu Brute? The unkindest cut of all !! Dismissed!'
NB
#1 porikki – low down beggar
#1 porikki – low down beggar
donplaypuks® with my PP, man!
3 comments:
Boy, DPP, you sure know how to have fun! :-)
Antares
Laughter, the best medicine! Ha, ha.
I was at the cpiasia website launch today & Dr.Syed Husin Ali cfm to reporters that PKR were not crying wolf and had the numbers.
But may be delayed by a few days becoz our Peoples' Reps are finding out how to increase rice and vegetable output in the nightclubs, belly-dancing bars & discos of Taipeh for 500,000 reasons each!
Power to the People!
dpp
Antares: we shalt have aMore fn-D if ye join us -- DPP, helen of CPI and me, no,not sodo-me! also of CPI -- at central mart so-ON for T? Runch? (defined as "lunch on the run...:)
DPP< good piece, butt 1 misstake in sperring:
Rip wan Wrinkled...
sext lunc, you pay as the other 3 would jest UP and RUN from youseff's or was it sperred eusoffe's? we may even bumP into Lingam, VK(chinakuey)2?
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