LH Oswald, donplaypuks® lone and only (as determined by the Rabbit's Warren Commission) correspondent for assassination affairs has been specially commissioned to pen a thothally fictitious short-story about the successful assassination of non-existent Master Jedi Planner of the Realm for Home Science, Magoo Jagger No Pedra Bianca.
All the fictitious bald facts shall be revealed!! All names and persons mentioned in this completely fabricated untrue story are fictitious; any resemblance to real persons - living, dead, mentally retarded with sub-zero IQ they had to go to college to acquire and short, bald and fat - is unintended and thothally coincidental.
STORY BRIEFS:
A lone gunman approaches the grassy knoll from the direction of the Kamunting Book Depository Building as the motorcade approaches the T-junction. In the lead roof-top down Prodana Limo sits the short, bald and overflowingly fat Master Jedi Planner for the Realm for Home Science, Magoo Jagger No Pedra Bianca. You could tell it was a Prodana Limo from the windows which were tinted from the outside!..........
Thousands of fictitiously banned Indraf and Makkal Sakthi supporters of all races line the motorcade route screaming holy words of support for the Jedi Master Planner's genius in banning a non-existent and non-political party. Dai Pundai, Fcuk and such holy words ring out.................
The lone gunman screws the silencer on to his custom-made Kalashnikov sniper rifle which is fitted with night-vision scope even though it is broad daylight! He loads the dum-dum bullets and the Zapruder bullet so that later the special CIA and local SB investigators would be thothally confused and lie that the bullet reversed directions after being fired!!.........
The lone gunman was of course motivated (blindly misled) to carry out this thothally fictitious assassination by a thothally imaginary article allegedly penned by Latok Khairil Rockyhorrorshow in the New State Parsely Sage Rosemay Thighymes Buntutsan Toilet Newspaper. The Buntutsan had fictitiously alleged that Magoo Jagger No Pedra Bianca, had lodged a complaint that locals had protested against the ringing of bells during morning and evening prayers at Indraf Temples thus fictitiously stirring up racial and religious outrage......
The Buntutsan, which has been fictitiously sued for $30 mil for slander and defamation by the imaginary family of the fictitiously assassinated Jedi Master Planner, has denied all liabilty and demanded an unequivocal apology and compensation of $1 bil for fictitiously dragging its good name into public opprobium and odium. The Buntutsan also fictitiously claimed that it had merely re-printed a posting that had appeared on ex-Jedi Master Planner Latok Fujimori Toyota's fictitious blog. Toyota was himself being fictitiously sued for $1 bil by several parties................
CAVEAT EMPTOR & E & EO. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED WITHOUT PREJUDICE. CARPE DIEM & PER DIEM!!
donplaypuks® with my assassination short tall stories, man!!
ps
The full version of the short tall story shall be published on 16th September 2020.
15 comments:
DPP
I nearly choked on my hot coffee at the following phrase:
Latok Khairil Rockyhorrorshow in the New State Parsely Sage Rosemay Thighymes Buntutsan Toilet Newspaper
A very classy satirical piece DPP but I cannot wait until 2020. Can you not kill us with such prolonged suspense? I can almost feel the mould growing on my laptop!
Keep up the great work and please write more often!!!! Thanks!
Cheers!
You choked on your hot coffee, masterwordsmith? I cried laughing at that very phrase.
NSTP getting herb-ified, English and glamorous. And some.
Perhaps I should borrow it (with permission, DPP?) for my posts sometime.
Hi msw & crankster
am glad u had a good laugh. pl feel free to use any material from my blogs.
but this is 1 story the complete version of which will never see the light of day.
when I succeed Obama, my 1st decree will be to have an RCI on the Kennedy Assassination, hrrmh!!
DPP,
There were so many bits I liked - how can I list them all? Hahahah! Thank you for a great laugh!
I think the bit that'll stay in my mind is this ... Parsley Sage Rosemary and Thighymes... one. I loved that song, and now the tune is stuck in my brain, but with new words! Hahahaha.
Cheers,
Pat
hi pat
Yeah it's the kind of heart-arresting nostalgia song you want aired on NS Highway radio Station when sitting in a jam on the highway flooded by spill-over from over-flowing lakes.
Nilai is a far cry from Scarborough or even Sabah. But at least UEM can give it a shot considering the zillions they are robbing from us!!
dpp
Hi DPP!
Whenever I read you, I am smiling! Do you always write/talk in hyphenated words and phrases? You are super cool, bro!
Pat
No, like Okonkwo, I am a man of few words.
dpp
Okonkwo from Things Fall Apart? I read that in uni too many years ago! Are you a tragic hero, too?
Pat
Hi Pat
Yeah, its from Chinhua Achebe's great novel I had to grapple with in F4. I have forgotten what it's all about except for the title one can never forget and that part where he goes to make love to his wife and the chapter ends with 'he was a man of few words' at which all us pimpled pre-adolescent teenagers would chortle and nudge, nudge wink,wink at each other though we hadn't a clue as to what making love was really all about.
It's just that I write better than I talk.
I'm no hero, great or tragic, either, having (very regretfully) remained silent for much of my life except now when I feel it's better to squeak up then to be trampled over by racists and crooks masquerading as politicians and leaders.
dpp
Huahahhaa Bro...dayem...I was waiting for the part where the truly artificial Artyfarty ArselikeAFairy would sneak out from somewhere behind the Prodana Limo LonnnngwheelBase and shouted...help help....he's got a big gun....help help!
Shit man, this is one funny shit!
Hey Art
If you can write poetry you can write a cherpen (I hate the silent 'h') and give those Buntutsan racists a run for their money!!
I tremble in anticipation!!
dpp
Hiya DPP! You're on my Blogger blogroll and I clicked on "Excerpts from Military Intelligence" but what I got was: "Sorry, the page you were looking for in the blog donplaypuks® at http://donplaypuks.blogspot.com does not exist." Duhhh. Must have been a real scoop, huh? Anyway, thanks for the smiles - but I must say the turquoise font on your blog inspires me to join Hindraf and wear Makkal Sakthi T-shirts.
Hi Antares
MI 2 will appear on 22/10/08. Whatyou saw was my test-drive which is now in draft form. Tq.
dpp
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