THE LAST HONEST ENFORIFICER DIED TODAY!

OR, the future of law enforificement

by inspector cid singaram segar
sherlock poirot charlie chan, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for dick’s

(click on pic for enlarged view)













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The sudden shrill blast of the Global Doomsday Siren caused many to rush with perforated and bleeding tympanic membranes (ear drums) to their ENT specialist. All over the world! On all five continents!

It was the non-military equivalent of a Defcon 1 (defence readiness alert) Global Alert. Armageddon beckoned!

In Washington DC, Obama picked up the green phone and barked down the line, “It’s not the Tipping Point is it? The last blue whale, it’s gone hasn’t it? I’ll nuke the Commies to Mars!” #1

“No sir,” said Leif Ericson of Greenpeace,“the whales survive, thank God! We’ve managed to hound the Ruskies, Norgies and Jappies to keep to within their whale ‘Scientific and R&D Research’ slaughter quota for now.

A minute later it was Brown from London. The Canadian swine, it’s my lovely seal pups, aintcher? The bastards, they’ve culled them all aven’t they? Bloody savages!” he wept.

“No sir, the pups are safe this year. The demand for seal fur has dropped in the wake of the global downturn while fish harvests have been better than in previous years,”

“Non, non, non! Mon dieu! Zey av not sushied and teppanyakied my betiful porpy et dolphy in Taiji, ze frikking kamikaze banzai, av zey? Zey should av dropped ze bomb atom nembair troi on Tokyo!” cursed Sarkozy in Paris, as he swallowed his hors d’oeuvres of snails and frogs legs and for the entree ordered a whole workhorse steak, rare, with extra garlic, onions and blood topped with E1,000 per gram pig snout dug up truffles, hold the goddamn freedom fries please!

Thankfully, the porpoises and dolphins would flourish for another year despite the global slaughter.

Taro Assho could not be contacted in Tokyo. Apparently he was breakfasting on the last squid and last baby eel garnished with the last sea weed and the last sea cucumber.....

But most of the endangered species were not extinct. Yet! Even the Backbenchers’ Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) of Sarawak and Blooperburger Agency had no Breaking News on what it could be nor could Google Earth spy anything unusual happening on the planet.

The breakthrough came from of all places Tel Aviv, the foreign capital of America. The Mossad had picked up the blurb from Apanama Agency of Glocal Bolehland (GB, a country in the near Far East), and boy, was it a humdinger.

After all, GB’s Defence Minister Dr.Asmad Zero PhD, had only the week before announced at a press conference, of a secret meeting (no photography was allowed) with his Israeli counterpart Ehud Netanyahu Osama (later amended ina 'Corretcion Statenemt' by Skyscraper Prince, GB’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs HQ, as Benjamin Barak Obama) to discuss kosher food and bagel franchises to be managed by Kosher Industry and Doughnut Development In New Gentile (KIDDING) Ltd., a subsidiary of MinDeaf of GB. The Israelis had quaked in their kosher boots when warned by GB’s Zero PhD, ‘Do not practice double standards and you’d better recognise Palestine tomorrow. No! Today, you got that!’ That's telling 'em!

Apparently, KIDDING would use the staff and services of GB’s Kosher Agency for certification, but all the revenue and profits would go to KIDDING’s MD, KJ Sil Baginda, a triple degree HavOxBridge graduate and lecherer at Trinity College. KJ Sil Baginda was also GB’s youngest and richest unemployed/unemployable member of The Ruling Elite! The Israeli deal was hailed as a breakthrough in new global economics!

Israel News Agency, Cosher National News (CNN), highlighted an Apanama Agency report that the Global Doomsday Siren had been triggered off by the death of the Last Honest Enforificer (LHE) on Planet Earth, in GB. So as not to be trapped by racist sentiments, LHE’s remains were buried in a $500 million ‘Tomb of the Unknown Last Honest Enforificer’ in Koala Bare, capital of GB. The directly negotiated transparently open (but shut) contract for the $500 million tomb had also been awarded to KJ Sil Baginda's KIDDINGRusCoffins, in line with new global economics, by GB’s 65% day old leader, PM Maharosemajib, who had an Ecolack suitcase full of thousands of instant goodies and 70 billion $ of bearer bonds, to appease the peasants.

Specially trained elite enforificers are still investigating the cause of LHE’s death and have moved with lightning like rapidity in sealing off the premises of the death, three days after the event. LHE is suspected of having thrown himself out the 14th floor windows of the offices of GB Association for Cows and Cars (GBACC) where he had gone to assist their enforificers in some inquiries regarding missing bull manure and farm boundary flags.

The Chief Palm Oil investigating enforificer in the LHE case today confirmed the death would be classified as ‘sudden suicide’ which pre-existing condition could not be detected in 100% of young males of LHE’s race by any known or unknown medical examination of the dead body by any known or unknown pathologist. Suicide was logically suspected as the main cause of death as LHE was due to be married the next day and his wife had earlier broken the news she was expecting a baby. However, CPO confirmed he could not entirely rule out fowl play due to the smell of rotten eggs in the 14th floor offices of GBACC.

When asked why LHE had not returned home after concluding his meeting at the GBACC offices in the wee hours of the morning, CPO Investigating Enforificer said that LHE had apparently expressed pronounced interest in the 22nd century futuristic architecture of the windows of GBACC and may have ventured on to the window ledge for a closer examination for several hours.

Bumno bloggers, MSM, CPO and Law Minister Nazi warned the public not to politicise LHE’s death even though LHE was a political secretary to a State Councillor and politician and had been called in for questioning in a financial matter related to a political party. “Do not politicise political matters even if they are of a political nature!” warned Nazi.

Meanwhile, in downtown Koala Bare, rabid racist communists had stood shoulder to shoulder in protest at LHE’s ‘sudden suicide’ and had vociferously demanded a Royal Commission of Inquiry (RCI) look into the matter immediately.

Attorney General Ganesh Patel, when asked about a RCI, replied that it was an ‘open and shut window sudden suicide case’ and by that token, an RCI would be redundant. When asked about the 4 month delay in ‘prosecution within 1 month, I swear on mother’s grave’ over the sudden death in Enforificers’ custody of A.Coogie, a suspected car thief but surely guilty one, Ganesh confirmed it was a ‘shut’ case and that his own lovely mother was still alive.

When pressed about the RCI on the Judiciary and about how witnesses had given sworn testimony of corruption involving a former Chief Justice and there was still no prosecution after a year, AG Ganesh Patel expressed anger and said,

“We are seriously looking into the matter! 2 or 3 or 1,000 swallows do not make a summer. Sworn testimonies in an open RCI mean nothing. We need solid proof, confessions, sudden suic.., er no, I mean there’s no instant success. The case is open but not shut. Soon we will take action. Watch and see. Perhaps sooner than you doubters think, why 2020 is not that far...isn’t it?”

With the death of the Last Honest Enforificer on Planet Earth, PM Maharosemajib unveiled his Plan B for Local and Glocal Law and Order. It was the trillion $ MAHA GLOCAL ROBOCOP (MGR), a futuristic Tuborg drinking High Definition Cyborg Super Cop Terminator, one of which could do the work of a 100 human enforificers.

MGR prototypes were first developed in BG’s Top, Top Secret Glocalintranet Roboticsjaya Centre near Kollywood in Tamilnadu, by, of course KJ Sil Baginda’s ubiquitous KIDDING AI Technology Ltd. KIDDING AIT had been awarded the 2020 years pay and pay cost pass on contract for MGR’s design, commission, operation and maintenance through exclusive transparently open (but shut) direct negotiations, the terms and conditions of which could not be revealed. For national and glocal security reasons, the $ Trillion contract was classified under OSIBSA (Official Secrets, Intelligence, Banking and Internal Security Act).

MGR was a major improvement over the Israeli Infiltrator ‘Golda Meir’ search and destroy models that used rubber skin or living tissue over a metallic endoskeleton. MGR was made of mimetic poly Teflon (nothing sticks to it) alloy or "liquid metal" and could deform and take any shape it touched. The mimetic poly Teflon alloy was poured into a massive machine press that fills floor to ceiling. Feeder pipes emerging from the walls and centering on the press like a hub, poured the mimetic poly Teflon alloy between two 20-ton plates. These plates were then hydraulically pressed together and met, forming the indentation of a man. The mimetic poly Teflon alloy then filled this indentation and solidified, setting its default molecular nanotechnology structure.

MGR’s world renown by-line was “Please, put down your weapon. Your move, creep! You have twenty seconds to comply or you will really believe you can fly from the 14th floor window! OR, I may make you dance between the trees and bushes to the tune of a Tamil pop song of the '60's or worse still, disco line-dance with a group of Tamil college kids to the tune of 'Saturday Night Fever'! ”

MGR 1 was revealed to the world with a $100 million budget (awarded to PR & Media company KIDDING Fox Ethos Pathos Aramis Consultants, through transparently open but shut direct negotiations) ceremony on national mega loss making TV Semua Tak Mahu 1 & 2. Following this mega glocal event, PM Maharosemajib revealed the Govt had been contacted by the Mafia, Medellin Cartel, 08 Triads and Chin Peng seeking truce and honourable surrender terms.

Elsewhere, Ong Gua Ta Kut, leader of ChineseRfourOfUs Party, denied there was any rumour to the truth that the 08 Triads were involved in the $12.5 billion financial scandal at Free Trade Port Deep Shit No Chief Zone. Ong Gua Ta Kut claimed the full audit reports with vestigial appendicitis had been submitted to Parliament to be distributed without restriction to all MP’s by the later of 2020 and Armageddon! “I am not afraid of threats by subversive terrorist elements in our society. I will do my duty. I will not be intimidated. If you challien or treaten me, I will get Maha Glocal Robocop to visit and make you an offer you cannot lefuse lor! Lemember ah, fish lot in the head first! Tiew bor?” OGTK lashed out.

donplaypuks® with law & order, man!

#1 Tipping Point – when global pollution becomes irreversible