The World Anthem



THE CHRONICLES OF FLOMFLOP KA' GROSSEMAH (Part 1) - Diamonds Are Forever, Life's Not!

koh hi noor peacock throne, Donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for all that glitters is not gold affairs

(From somewhere in a Bolihland standard 2-star but London standard 6-star hotel in Soho, London. London time 4 p.m. but Bolihland time 6 a.m. as truthfully reported by Buntutsan Phonetap News of The Apco World). 

FlomFlop Ka Grossemah (KG):  Yang, I oreddy woke up in the afternoon with a headache. That bloody Anglican Church woman. She's got some nerve presenting herself to us in yellow! You think Queen E is a Bersih spy out to topple our kingdom of Petaling Street by resurrecting Communism and Democracy? 

Rosemajib: Yes, we must sell that story when we get back home. 

FlomFlop KG: You think the peasant and coolies back home will buy that? 

Rosemajib: No they won't. But the spindoctoring is not meant for the peasants and coolies. They are too smart. They have internet, twitternet and tweetnet too. No, it's for those in our "heartland" and the boondocks where we have made sure the web has not penetrated and will not until the next GE is over. Buntutsan will have to work overtime. 

FlomFlop KG: So smart of you Yang. You're getting me all excited now. 

Rosemajib: Well, we have to make sure the natives don't get restless and excited, or else we're finished. 


FlomFlop KG: Who dat at d door Yang? So, early in d day at 4 p.m.? 

Jeeves: It' me, Jeeves, your personal buttler. 

Rosemajib: Oh, I don't remember ordering any buttlers.

Jeeves: No, oh Great Sultan, I'm here with Jacob's. 

FlomFlop KG: Arrrrrrh! You brought d $74 million diamond ring here? Jom! Jacobs The Kosher Diamond Jeweller from Uzbekistan. Hebat, Yang. How you manage it? 

Jeeves: No, your Majesty. It's Jacob's Tinned Ginger Biscuits. Awfleh good for wind and flatulence. 

FlomFlop KG: Pe ni, Yang? You order Jacob Tin Ginger Biscuit? Biskut Halia? Who said I have win and flatulen? It's just a leeetle wee bit of gas. Dat's all oso make so much fuss! Jez get me what Princess Di used to take for upset tummy. 

Jeeves: Right away, your Highness!

(About half an hour later). 


Jeeves: Ma'am, you will be honoured. Fortnum & Mason sent in the last bottle of their Princess Di special. 

FlomFlop KG: Botol? Apa tu? I thot Princess Di always took Darjeeling Tea to soothe her nerves, kan Jeeves? 

Jeeves: No your Royalty. Her 4 o'clock special with Captain James Hewitt and Dodi always started off with two stiff double shots. 

FlomFlop KG: Two stiff double shots of what? 

Rosemajib: Believe me my precious, you don't want to know. 

Jeeves: Oh, it's nothing like that, oh Maharaja. Just two swift shots of Royal Salute. 

FlomFlop: Royale Salute? You mean, must stand attention Jeeves?  Flag - full or half mast? 

Rosemajib: I told you my soul mate, you don't want to know. 

Jeeves: Nothing naughty, oh Great King. It was two stiff shots of 200% proof Royal Salute Special Whisky. 

FlomFlop KG: Royal Salute Special Whisky? You cracko or what Jeeves? Dat's absolut vodka haram! If not Darjeeling Tea Leaves specially airflown from India by 1Me Airforce, at least get me the expensive Titley's Tit Bags from Maidin 1Me store at cost price + 200%. Or even Boh Tea, at least got Oomph lah! 

Jeeves: You mean Tetley's Tea Bags from Tesco, dent yeoh? Right away, your Terrific Rex. 

Rosemajib: You calling my wife a dinosaur, Jeeves? 

Jeeves: Huh, oh Great Pharoah? 

FlomFlop KG: Never mind the Royal Salute Whisky and Darjeeling Tea, Jeeves. Just get me a dozen bottles of Derriere Mineral Water. 

Jeeves: You mean Perrier Mineral Water, dent yeoh, of Queen of The Nile, Nefertits? 

Rosemajib: Perrier, derriere, what's the difference? It all comes in expensive XXL oversized containers. Maybe you should just flush it out with a glass of 1Me Mamak Teh Tarik from Benteng in KL specially airflown in by 1Me Airforce, Yang? Or maybe nasi kandar and yesterday's rancid curry from Poo Kimma Restaurant in Penang?

FlomFlop KG: What Yang? You jokin at my expen? 

Rosemajib: No my Queen, surely not! Never!

FlomFlop: Aiyoh! I so thired thalkin this Jeeves and you. Yang, why don we go sailing on Thame River. Any news we can borrow dat $15 billion boat from Bobby Kok? 

Rosemajib: What $15 billion boat? What Kok talk is this?

FlomFlop KG: Aiyoh, you don read d Daily Mail one ah, Yang? So accurate and trutful like Buntutsan newspaper and News of The World. Everytink is there.

Rosemajib: But my Permaisuri, the News of The World bungkus oreddy, closed down by Rupert Murdoch! 

FlomFlop KG: Really? Goodness! Good newspapers don last long, do they? Never mine. Anyway I ped up with you and Jeeves. I call Joe How Low You Can Go and see his new $30 million dollar apartmen in downtown Manhattan and visit my fren Jacob The Kosher Diamond Jeweller from Uzbekistan. Yang, and don screw up this thime. Send in 1Me Airforce, not that high cost low service carrier Mana Ada Sistem Airline, please.

Rosemajib: Don knock it my Maharani. Apco has just started a new fantastic campaign by tying up Ministry of Information with Mana Ada Sistem Airlines. They have a brilliant new tag line:


FlomFlop: And don forget dat $74 million diamond ring! I warning you. After all it's from my slaving account. Remember, diamonds are forever! 

Rosemajib: But, my Queen, you are not forever. 

FlomFlop KG: So what? Diamonds are a girl's best friend. 

Rosemajib: Just buy lah from Petaling Street. No one will know the difference between the original and original imitation, kan? 

FlomFlop KG: Jeeves, get me my lawyer and the CJ. Now! 

Donplaypuks® with the fake royalty, diamonds and $15 billion boats, man! 

FlomFlop - First Lady of MongoliaFirst Lady of Putridjaya


Ariff Sabri said...

what can i say>......fiendishly funny

Donplaypuks® said...

Ah Sak47

The rare honour of a visit from you. Just like Cadbury's - naughty but nice!

Good you laughed - we all need to lighten up.


Quiet Despair said...

Naughty, naughty. Not scared of a knock at your door?
Talking about nice, what happen to the Nice biscuits made by Huntley and Palmer. I don't see it anymore in Malaysia.

Donplaypuks® said...


Don know lah Nice biccys, imported ones too expensive.

About the knock on the door, hope they don't confiscate my PC. Would be too gross, mah!


Crankster said...

I don't know where you come up with some of these lines!! :-) Excellent one there!