ASK ME NO QUESTIONS AND I'LL TELL YOU NO LIES!

by Opera Losefry, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondents for Q & A affairs

In this glorious 1 (DIS)UNITED nation of ours, often, it's the questions our thothally independent self-censoring MSM reporters DON'T/NEVER/EVER ask that tell its wary citizens that something fishy (or bovine/cowshitsy a la the Cowgate affair that is the current hot topic) is going on.

Another dead giveaway of the stink is when I Raja Polis eventually charges someone not with what everyone expects, but with something thothally unexpected. Which in turn is another dead giveaway that some sort of Unconstitutional deal was brokered behind the scene. And in our incomparable nation, there are usually several scenarios.

Thus the once Japanes Chief Minister Khir Johari Toyota was NOT charged with corruption and crookedly accumulating wealth beyond his means (based on the known salary of a Chief Minister) to build and furnish a palace reputedly to the tune of $24 million. Because that would have been a walkover and Toyota would have been making car licence plates in Bamboo River Infirmary, after possibly receiving six of the best on his ample buttocks.

So here are some questions donplaypuks® intrepid reporters would have posed to the relevant parties were they self-respecting pro UMNO/BN MSM investigative journalists invited to Press conferences:

1. I Raja Polis, when Tweedledum and Tweedledee who are linked to Prime Minister Rosemajib  "confessed" to your officers they were offered $100K to "off" a certain Mongolian lady adulteress and blackmailer, why did your officers not ask them for the identity of the Godfather? And why haven't you and your officers got down to investigating this issue for 3 years and charged said Godfather with conspiracy to murder? Too busy arresting others "for their own safety?" Also, why is the judge allowing Tweedledum and Tweedledee to cover their heads fully so that the public cannot identify them which gives rise to suspicion, perception and speculation that the powers that be intend to substitute some other paid criminals to serve their prison sentences while the two holiday in Acapulco?

2. So, Tan Sri, when Tony and Air Asia submitted projections that traffic flow at LCCT would breach 45 million passengers by 2020, did anyone check and test the assumptions and business model? Yet you gave the orders to double the size of the new LCCT and dished out the addition $2 billion construction cost contracts to UMNO/BN and the Perak Royalty linked companies without calling for open tenders? And Tony now clearly says that all he wanted to register was that the new LCCT should have the capacity to expand SHOULD passenger numbers exceed expectations (as any savvy businessman would plan for) but not rush out with indecent haste and commit $2 billion NOW like money is going out of fashion? Could you disclose how many $ millions in donations have the company you lead and those awarded the $ billion LCCT construction made to UMNO/BN and whether they sought approval from their shareholders for such largesse?

3. So, Madam Indian Muslim but pretending to be Malay Bumiputra, voted out by the PEOPLE and now backdoor entry Minister for Gaji Butas, are you seriously saying you did not know your husband bought brand new Mercedes Benz cars for over $1 million, $10 million condos each in Singapore and Bungsar Cowshitsville, he nor your children never discussed it with you or you take a ride in the Mercs and never asked "Hey hubbywubby, whose car is this and whose Orchard Road condo is that? And how come that Mt. Kiara condo/office rental is over $400K per year, who owns it yang? And how come our wunderkids are earning $25,000, $35,000 and $45,000 in salaries while you get a whopping $100,000 a month although Cowshitsville lost over $11 million and you are trading in cows and "investing" in condos instead of creating a base bull stock all for $250 million of, not UMNO/BN but the Rakyat's money, or is it all bull anyway?"

4. So you who back stabbed Anwar Ibrahim as his right hand man and are now Minister for $8 billion submarines that have to be house trained (for fee of $600 million per year) by the Submarine Whisperer to dive in tropical waters, when the contract sum for 6 boats was increased from $6 billion to $9 billions and Boustead paid $11 million in commissions for what elsewhere would be a no commission G-to-G deal, we should just discuss it over jantan ali teh tharik and call it a day? No one should be disciplined for poor administrative (budgeting) work or investigated for padding defence procurement contracts or for kickbacks?

5. Oh, lest I forget you who back stabbed Anwar Ibrahim as his right hand man and are now Minister for $8 billion submarines that have to be house trained and Godfather for 500,000 RELA personnel destined to bankrupt the Treasury, how is it that Turkestan ex-pasar malam rice smuggler fulfilled a $7.6 billion 257 armoured tanks defence contract by purchasing them from Turkey for $1.5 billion and then you said in Parliament you did not know anything about it even though you were there at the contract signing ceremony in Turkey? And what exactly are these 257 armoured tanks doing in Taliban Afghanistan? Is Taliban Afghanistan our 14th State that we should defend its borders?

6. And so PM Rosemajib, have I got it right that when you told the 1Nation you never met Sighfool and then back-tracked on it and then said you met him about a scholarship and nothing else and Sighfool testified under oath that he came to see you about Sodomy and you telephoned the IGP, that's all not called LYING and should you not resign or be impeached out of office? 

7. And 1 more matter PM Rosemajib, whose pockets is it exactly this $500 for low income earners is exactly coming out of which you say is the next best thing to sliced bread but you and your party tried to sabotage Lim Guan Eng's $100 per senior citizen in Penang by asking UMNO members to return it claiming it was 'haram?" You are now sure part of this $500 is not coming from "haram" taxes paid by Genting, Vincent Tans' Sports Toto Group and Ananda Krishnan's Tanjong Horse Racing & Betting proceeds? Please ask all UMNO members to immediately return the $500 if you cannot provide any guarantees that it is not tainted by taxes from "haram" business activities.

8. So, Foot In Mouth Minister for $500 million Parliament roof repairs and $2 billion new Parliament House in Putrajaya, when you were asked in Parliament how much PM Rosemajib had authourized as Con-sultant fees to APCO and you replied $24 million and later the Opposition revealed it to be RM 77 million and you said after con-sulting Hansard that "I never said RM24 million," you expect us to believe that when a Minister of the realm answers about financial matters on Malaysia in a MALAYSIAN Parliament we should have to ask him whether he's taking US$ or Ringgit Malaysia or Korean Won or Indonesian Rupiahs? Would you swear on the Koran you did not deliberately mislead the PEOPLE?

9. So, Rosemajib, why was your name  on the Customs Declaration Form for that US$24 million diamond ring. if someone had forged it, why did you not lodge a police report? And while we are at it, have the accounts for that $105 million special school project (budget now increased by another $20 million, I believe) been audited? What's it been spent on exactly? And did you buy those expensive Birkin bags (costing anywhere from US$20,000-60,000 each) again with money from your savings accounts or were they "gifts" from rich businessmen and why would they gift you anything?

10. So Tan Sri, either the Taxpayer has to bail out Prothon by pumping in $ billions or if you take it private for yourself, you CAN make it profitable by cutting overheads, filling up undercapacity in 52% occupied car assembly plants and hiving off Lothus Motors UK into which you just injected $4 billion for turnaround in 4 years time, but assisted by eternal adviser Maha Firaun you cannot do anything as sitting (or is it shitting) Chairman drawing a remuneration package of what, $100,000 a month? What exactly do you, your CEO and the Board of Directors at Prothon do everyday in office? And you Tan Sri cannot afford to match the market price of $3 billion offered by a Bumi company for control of Prothon, but the eternal adviser and bread-money launderer Maha Firaun says it's better you be gifted Prothon with a $2 billion discount and you come up with no cash because you sat there all these years expertly presiding over $ billion of losses? Really?

11. So, Abdul Najib Baginda,it was not a commission, but you made what, 7 trips to Paris to ensure our boys would be fed nasi lemak for breakfast and the kiblat would be accurately positioned so they would not be stressed out by praying in the wrong direction while under training in France Naval Academy , all for a measly $540 million worth of services? Wow, what a rip off!

12. So, Inspector, let's get this right. You took those DNA and other samples (against the advice of the chemistry department scientists and broke police SOP and the law), for storage in a cupboard in your office, after ensuring the temperature was about 0 degrees Centigrade by expertly sticking your hand  in and comparing the temperature with that in your air-con room, and after you also got the date on the labels totally wrong, you expect the citizens of this country to believe you did not diddle the samples to fix DSIA?

13. So Deputy Minister for Tithes & Ladies Nylon Stockings, using government money to pay your legal bills before receiving approval from the Treasury and then reimbursing the tithe fund after receiving it, is not Criminal Breach of Trust (CBT) for which you should be hung by your goolies in court?

14. So Junior Minister, if those $ millions banked into your personal bank account were donations for some legitimate purpose why did you not open a separate Trust bank account for that purpose or ask donors to pay direct to the charities? What about those transfers as alleged of $60K a month to bank accounts of your personal aides? Also for charity? What a bunch of alttruistic guys you all are?

15. So Madam CEO of the Insecurity Council, the Chairman and Board of Statutory Declaration Plc (SD Plc) approved that $2 billion loss making dodgy venture in Saudi but now only the CEO is sacked and charged in court with dereliction of duty and fraud? Yet the Board of SD Plc under the same gaji buta Chairman, dubbed Black Musang, pays 60% premium to acquire another property Plc, Enjoy & Orgaz Plc,  for $ billions to line the pockets of 3 shareholders while ignoring the 70% non-controlling minority shareholders when they could have used the same $ billions to directly acquire land, you see nothing suspicious to investigate? Especially since your husband and others who sit on SD Plc's BoD and that of Enjoy & Orgaz Plc are known to have traded in these shares shortly before any announcement was made thereby creating the suspicion that there was MASSIVE Insider Trading which you are supposed to squash like you would a bug?

16. So, Chief Minister, please explain for the benefit of the peasants, why Bumiputras should control a company that basically sells unhealthy fried chicken skin laden with coronary and diabetes causing cholestrol when your finances are in ruin and your expertise in managing businesses stinks like poultry shit?

donplaypuks® with the questions, man!