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WE ARE ALL OF 1 RACE, THE HUMAN RACE.


04/04/2012

DPM MADD TALKS GLOCAL SCALE MSEJJUCASHION JIBBERISH!

by crackoji jibby, PhD (Dip. Ed), Donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for msejjucashion affairs

" It will be a win-win situation. We’ll upgrade your Universities and re-brand them as Sekolah Menegah Kolej Oxford/Cambridge, Sekolah Menengah Kolej Havud etc. in which 67% of places for academics, administrators and students shall be reserved wholly on merit, by special quota, for our people. The rest will be reserved for our Bumis. That’s fair, isn’t it?"

The Dons from all over the globe gathered at MARAH University College at Sucesspool Princeville City. Yes, they were angry (marah), and no, they were distinctly not the Dons as in ‘Don Corleone The Godfather’ who went about making stunning horse head offers you could not possibly refuse, and who was drawn to ‘termination without prejudice of the permanent kind’ million dollar offing hit contracts where the standard equipment were the assassin’s super-calibre scope rifle and .45 calibre cyanide tipped dum dum bullets.

No, these were the Dons of academia who were drawn to hundred billion dollar MsEjjucashion budgets being splashed about with gay abandon by Bolihland’s Deputy Prime Minister and Minister for MsEjjucashion, Professor MuhyAmatDopeyDin (MADD).

These Dons had been stunned into silence. They were also terribly upset. For nowhere else but in Bolihland could you find tertiary education professors, about 95% of whom wholly embodied and wilfully embraced the scintillating philosophy of ‘if you can’t, then teach, but whatever you do, never publish.’ Yet, Bolihland had stolen a march on the world by advancing over USA, UK, France, Japan, Singapore and Germany in MsEjjucashion.

Of course Australia was not on their radar screen. Who in their right state of mind would wish to memorise and teach, “The rine in Spine folls minely on the pline, bugger the barbie and ‘roo, mite!”

The Dons were angry because, frankly, none of them had thought up the original idea of a University College. These were no Dons of small stature by any means. They all had IQ’s of above 160. They had descended from their lofty eeries in Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard, Princeton, MIT, Yale, Columbia, Stanford, Caltech and the like. A few were the guru financial wizards from the holy temples of the new age – ‘Wharton Goldman Sucks’ and ‘Carnegie, Who Stole The Ripe Melon?’ and ‘Why Not Steal The Cheese Before Someone Else Does?’ schools of (pyramid scheme) business – from where, I’m reliably informed, (though one can never be sure) Bernie Madhoff and his sons graduated.

There was no rumour to the truth that the Dons from Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard, Princeton, MIT, Yale, Columbia, Stanford, Caltech, Wharton Goldman Sucks, Carnegie, Who Stole The Ripe Melon? and Why Not Steal The Cheese Before Someone Else Does? schools of (pyramid scheme) business were contemplating moving their campuses and MsEjjucashion Head Quarters to Sucesspool Princeville City.

The Dons arrived in Bolihland by the truckloads after their Air MASA Asia flights were re-timed ( a rare occurrence, I’m often told) while on transit in Dubai, to engage Prof MADD in a Q & A session on Bolihland’s oustanding achievent. They wanted too, to be enlightened on Prof MADD’s grand scheme to turn Bolihland into yet another “Regional Hub,” this time, for Mass MsEjjucashion.

The entire dialogue between the Dons and MADD was of course duly and dutifully classified “Secret” under OSIBISAOfficial Secrets in Intelligence, Banking, Insurance and Security Act. However, Donplaypuks® intrepid correspondents managed to hack official files to  glocally wikipedialeak the MADD transcripts:

Dons: Prof MADD, how did you and Bolihland manage to overtake USA, UK, Singapore  and the others in MsEjjucashion?
MADD: Why you all so gorblok? Saya terutamanya Muslim. Lepas itu Melayu. Then Bumiputra. Lepas itu ahli BUMNO. Then penyokong ‘Academia Fantasia.’ Lepas itu, manusia. The, maybe, Bolihlander. Takkan you tak tahu don't no?’
Dons: Brilliant! You invented a new language?
MADD: Yes, isn’t it?
Dons: What is it called?
MADD: Jibberish.
Dons: Jibberish? How original. Who invented it?
MADD: It’s named after our Trillion Dollars Private But 85% Public Funded Tranformers Pemandu Goondu Prime Minister, Rosemajib and her husband who crafted it in 2008.
Dons: Jibberish? How many alphabets does it have? How many vowels and consonants?
MADD: Same as in the England except we add in $ and ‘pusing gasing’ or PR Spindoctor.
Dons: Oh? How do you, as you say, psaing gsaing, and PR spin? We don’t know anything about it.
MADD: Ayoh, so simple also you all don’t know. We learn and practise what they don’t teach at OxCam and Havud.
Dons: Sounds like Jibbersih has elements of Manglish. And what’s that we don’t teach and who do you learn from?
MADD: From APCOT International Spindoctors of Israel. It’s a plum contract for $100 million.
Dons: Can you give us an example?
MADD: Well let’s say they ask in Parlimen,‘How much is the APCOT contract?” Our Jibberish answer will be $33 million. When later the Opposition find out that it’s US$33 million but Bolihland B$100 million, they will say I lied to them. But, I will point to Hansard’s offisial records and say in Jibberish “Where got I say B$33 million? Proof it, chop!” and close the matter.
Dons: Ah, we see. That’s clever. Any more examples?
MADD: Oh, so many. Everyday got new one, lah. Say, we illegally pay B$540 million gaji buta (shake leg/sinecure) commission to our crony (so he can generously and voluntarily 'donate’ some 'small beer' money, say B$500 million, to BUMNO), for 2 B$4 billion (excluding B$50 million annual maintenance cost) submarines that cannot sink. The Opposition raises a big stinky black fart kentut. So, we can answer only in Jibberish: “It was not a commission. We cannot say more because of OSIBISA. But all procedures have been complied with. National Security. Racially sensitive. The King. DAP. Islam under unfair attack. You hate Malays. Also, the fact that the submarines cannot dive has not affected their operational capabilities. We can still use them to hunt down illegal Indons, Banglas and Myanmars up and down our coastline.”
Dons: Brilliant! Any more shining examples?
MADD: No notes, please and switch off your handphones. Say, the costings for the propo Toll Highway Bridgecon over the Selper River linking Banting in Selangor and Taipingcon in Perak come in at B$3.5 billion, already over the intial budget by B$500 million. But elections are forthcoming. BUMNO needs petty cash to buy, er no, bury the Opposition. So, we double the costings to B$7.0 billion. Opposition says,”Fraud! How can it cost B$23 million per kilometre? Will the bridge/highway be topped with gold or diamonds? And besides, there’s no Selper River.”

We counter expertly in Jibberish,“No, gold and diamonds are too expensive. We’ll use solid rare earth and rare earth radiactive tailings and waste imported by Lynas Corp of Mt. Weld, Australia. That way, we get glowing maintenance free highway for 14 billion years. No Selper River? Small problem. BUMNO will innovate and build it for the citizens.
Dons: Ah, sheer genius! But, explain slowly to us Proff MADD, that if we re-locate from USA, UK, Singapore, France, Germany, Japan and Singapore to Sucesspool Princeville City, how will our second class msejjucashion systems be integrated into your first class one?
MADD: It will be a win-win situation. We’ll upgrade your Universities and re-brand them as Sekolah Menegah Kolej Oxford/Cambridge, Sekolah Menengah Kolej Havud etc. in which 67% of places for academics, administrators and students shall be reserved wholly on merit, by special quota, for our people. The rest will be reserved for our Bumis. That’s fair, isn’t it?
Dons: Eminently fair! Bravo! But what about programmes and places for visiting professors?
MADD: Of course. It goes without saying. All our administrators, EC Chief, profs, PM, Ministers, Chief Ministers, Civil Servants, IGP, AG, CJ and Army Generals, and their wives, children, maids and pets shall travel first class all the way and back, funded by your governments. They will make two “visit come study” (lawatan sambil belajar) trips twice a year, and thrice in a leap year, to your second-rate education establishments in London, Oxford, Cambridge, Washington DC, Massachusetts, California, Tokyo, Munich, Singapore and so on. On the way, they will briefly stop over at Bangcock, Disneyland and the Belly Dancing University in Doobuy, Cairo and Beirut. They should fully expose themselves to these msejjucashional experiences in foreign lands.
Dons: Well, looks like we have struck a good bargain. We shall return to our foreign lands and lobby our respective Board of Trustees to relocate to Sucesspool Princeville City, post haste, certainly by 2220! Ciao! Oh, before we leave, we have one question. If our system is 2nd class compared to yours, how come for the past 30 years your PM's, Ministers, top civil servants and crony fraudtrepreneurs have been sending their children to study mainly in UK, USA and Australia? Where did they get the money from at a minimum of B$100,000 per year for basic degree courses alone?
MADD:1Mtransformersketuanan15matriculationspmA'sGagagoogoopoopoomoomoodoodoo!
Dons: Is that gibberish or Jibberish?
MADD: Same differen.

If mere dreams and intent could fly, PM Rosemajib’s and Minister for MsEjjucashion Professor MuhyAmatDopeyDin's (MADD) offices would have been tansformed into the busiest airports in the world. More “Regional Hubs” have been proposed and disposed off in the blink of an eye in Bolihland than anywhere else in the world. Letters of Intent for award of fabulous billion dollar contracts to cronies have been pouring out from the PMO, accompanied by full government guarantees and hundred million dollar advance cheques even before the contracts are signed, with no strings attached.

Open tender and transparency? Do talk Jibberish and make us laugh, isn't it?

Please lah. ABBAnything But BUMNO!

Please lah Minister for MsEjjucashion, stop  http://www.talkingcock.com/.

Donplaypuks® with our MSEjjucashion, MADD DPM Minister!

16 comments:

masterwordsmith said...

Aiyo DPP, this is hilarious!!!

Thanks for the laughs and smiles. A wonderful way to escape the madness around us!

Donplaypuks® said...

Thanks MWS.

Oh how these politicos will lie and spin barefaced and make us all look stupid in international eyes. And this man is our DPM, desperately jockeying to be the next PM? How come they didn't send him overseas permanently, to earn a degree?

Dpp

Elesse said...

You're Rubbish. Let's debate about school system. Why should government funds be used to support racial segrationist education policy of vernacular school? Why isn't dap be called racists for supporting this? What happen to we are all one race. You're a racist bigot. If you dare challenge me at R2W which practices open discourse unlike many of pro pr blogs which don't believe in freedom of speech.

Donplaypuks® said...

Elesse

Why must I go to R2W to debate you? You can say what you want here, or if you have the guts, start your own blog. There's no censorship here.

As for vernacular schools, don't forget that it's MCA as partner in BUMNO/BN coalition Govt which has been allowing and supporting this policy since 1957. So, why pick on DAP which has no real say in Federal Govt education policy?

Dpp
we are all of 1 Race, the Human Race

cin2tan said...

JOM on 428 !

Ellese said...

Yep. I never said mca not racist. They've upfront said they're for Chinese interest. But why are you arguing like this?. Point is why you're supporting dap who is a racist party when you loftily claim all race are the same and against racism..
On R2W it's easier to post. You request cumbersome verification. There much easier. Theres a fair and open person who really practice freedom of speech. Anyway you always post your comment there as well.

Donplaypuks® said...

"Why should government funds be used to support racial segrationist education policy of vernacular school?" Elesse.

Firstly, verification is to prevent spanning which is a big problem.

Secondly, the Constitution allows vernacular schools. Entry into vernacular schools is not restricted by race. Some Malays and Indians do send their children to chinese schools. UMNO/BN Govt has been funding vernacular schools with taxpayers' money since 1957.

So, I can't see where DAP is racist in this issue. If we want to change the system, then everyone should sit down, discuss it and come to a common agreement. The situation therefore is a lot more complicated. Is UMNO/BN racist because of Art 153 per se? What about religious schools fully funded by taxpayers' money?

I fully support a 1 school system provided the parameters are set correctly.

Dpp
we are all of 1 Race, the Human Race

Donplaypuks® said...

Also, DAP does not restrict membership by race, creed or colour. Similarly, PKR. DAP's Chairman is a Malay.

Can you say the same of UMNO, MCA or MIC?

You can't label DAP racist with reference to a single issue like vernacular schools which is also the line taken by BN (since 1957).

Dpp
we are all of 1 Race, the Human Race

walla said...

"That way, we get glowing maintenance free highway for 14 billion years."

hahahaha!

DPP has outjohan-ed the old Johan's bag of marbles (a MM column back those days).

Hats off, folks. Sheer genius here.

Ellese said...

Rubbish argument just like perkasa. Perkasa also justifies racism based on our constitution lah. My foot punya argument. You want to condemn Umno go ahead. But I'm not defending them. But you're a pure hypocrite. From Mereka day DAP support racial segregation policy believing Chinese superiority. Gave excuse its for mother tounge. But they only believe in certain race mother tounge. Do they believe in Sikh kadazan muruts mother tounge? What crap argument.So don't give me this partisan bullshit blind argument on dap.

It's you who is a hypocrite.state your stand. Are you for racist segregation policy or not? Do you send your kids if any or condemn those who send kids to vernacular school for perpetuating these racist policy.

Ps: No one will spam. R2w more open. No one dare to spam coz kena hentam balik. Anyway don't kid us. As blog moderator you can easily control. Release it if you believe in free exchange of debate ie freedom of speech. I've already asked public same question on R2W, so answer there if you have guts. Let's see whether your pathetic partisan argument can stand. If you're a racist don't condemn others as racist.youve forfeited that right.

Donplaypuks® said...

Elesse

I don't think you are here to debate anyone; you've come with a fixed mind andmjust want to call me a racist without any foundation.

Anyone can call names - rubbish, hypocrite etc. - but that's not a debate.

If you don't like my spam control, do feel free to spend all your time at R2W.

Dpp
we are all of 1 Race, the Human Race

Dean Johns said...

Jibberish!!!!! Lovely stuff, DPP, hilarious conversation!!!!! If only BN would die laughing :-)
Cheers, DJ

Donplaypuks® said...

Thanks Walla and Dean.

Let's slay 'em for a better future for all.

Dpp
we are all of 1 Race, the Human Race

Ellese said...

No. You put commentaries here and there with the same posturing tak pa pula. That's funny man. You post that you believe in no racism elsewhere. When I respond you shied away. Point is the same. Why are you supporting racist segregation education policy supported by DAP. Why are you not calling them racist? What happen to we are one race. Why espoused education leaving Chinese better than others? Are you a cloaked racist. You don't want to reply I leave it to you. It's recorded already. But every time you write I'll tell people you're a racist supporting racist segregation education policy.
Ps. Don't bull about the spam man. Also don't argue you don't want to debate. I'm talking about racism your raisin d'ĂȘtre man. Then say I have fixed position as if you don't have fixed position. Enough of this crap. Either defend or don't write as if you have moral highground.

Donplaypuks® said...

Firstly, it's clear you know nothing about spam. Some time back I did not have spam control. Go and start your own blog and leave out spam control. Then when your blog comes under attack, maybe you will have the time (I don't) to individually delete all the hundreds and sometimes thousands of nonsensical comments and irrelevant ads because you have nothing better to do with your time.

As for the education and vernacular schools policy, it's UMNO/MCA/MIC who have been implementing and supporting it since 1957. Let's see you lobby and get them to change it.

I have already stated:

"I fully support a 1 school system provided the parameters are set correctly."

As for attacking me personally at Rocky's and elsewhere, please do whatever you have to. I have no time to waste on one individual or such puerile attitide.

Dpp
we are all of 1 Race, the Human Race

Ellese said...

Hahaha. And what makes all your write not puerile? That's why you have not been able to respond. It's your infantile hypocritical racist mindset I'm trying to expose. Don't give me gibberish answer.give one reason why government should support and fund racial segregationist education policy of vernacular school? Why have you not condemned DZ and DAP for this racist attitude? You want to condemn mca or bn go ahead. But why are you supporting racist DAP in this instance.
Remember. We are all of 1 Race.
Ps. Please don't give contradicting stand. Now say you support one school System under certain unknown parameters. You think people can't read ke? Wasn't it in Your earlier posting above that supported the racial segregationist policy by saying its constitutional. Then when I say it's the same racist argument of perkasa you back down. And when cornered further say its puerile. We are no longer stupid man. We can see all this. You don't want to respond further fine. I'll remind people every time I see your write how racist and hypocritical you are. Unless of course you dare say upfront its wrong and racist to support racial segregation policy of vernacular school and those who support it including DAP and DZ are racists. But i doubt it coz you've already defended it. Nevertheless I'll give you an opportunity to set it straight. Then I finally conclude.
On spam, it's proven already it can't work.see R2W. He like you also Ada kerja tau. What makes you so special sangat ni?