4 OF A KIND IN MALAYSIA? TOWER OF BABEL?

by nimrod trump, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for tower affairs

Positioned strategically between East and West, the diversity that we celebrate, was inevitable. However, often, we take our origins too seriously.  The political events, especially in 2015, have seen a curtain of gloom descend on us. For that, we must deposit the blame right at the doorsteps of PMO, Putridjaya and PM Grossmajib who wears the pants and her husband who wears the skirts.

So, it's time to lighten up by lampooning the Malays, Chinese Indians and Others.

 

1 Malay will sell nasi lemak by the roadside.

2 Malays will form a co-operative society for deposits and loans repaid by direct deduction from monthly salary.

3 Malays will sit at a warong drinking teh tarik and lament about how dancing the ronggeng and joget is no longer allowed at weddings.

4 Malays will form a political party and get the government to indirectly fund it.

1 Chinese will sell kway teow or some kind of pork noodles.

2 Chinese will play ping pong, mahjong or gamble.

3 Chinese will drink XXO or VSOP brandy and cognac and form a Communist Party.

4 Chinese will form a clan Association, do any kind of business and especially prosper with Ali Baba partners.

1 Indian will sell puttu mayam or thosai.

2 Indians will start a law firm.

3 Indians will form a Union, drink toddy, start a fight and hurl chairs at the AGM and celebrate with line disco dancing with their grandmothers and a whole Tamil village which will for some unexplainable reason, include 12 white scantily bikini-clad Swedish and Norwegian young, shapely female dancers.

4 Indians will start a protection business as oily hired hit-men all dressed in black like Rajni, and use names like ‘Thalaivaa’ ‘Machan’ and ‘Adiyaal’.

1 Sikh will sell milk or chapati.

2 Sikhs will start a money-lending business.

3 Sikhs will drink black label whiskey and dance the Banggara.

4 Sikhs will play hockey or start a protection business as ‘The Turbanators’ armed with hockey sticks.

1 Mamak will sell roti chanai or chendol.

2 Mamaks will start a money-changer business or 1of 500 ‘The One & Only Original Kayu Restaurant’.

3 Mamaks will drink teh tarik and advise the Malays about customs and traditions.

4 Mamaks will form The True Malay National Association political party, and demand they be accorded Bumiputra status.

1 Sri Lankan Tamil will sell Idiyappam (thunderbread) and Sothi .

2 Sri Lankan Tamils will serve the civil service as chief clerks, play cricket and pronounce wickets as 'vickeds'.

3 Sri Lankan Tamils will drink Ceylon Arak, sing Bailas and talk about ‘the good old days in Yaffna and Kolumbu’.

4 Sri Lankan Tamils will join the Tamil Tigers. 


1 Portuguese will sell devilled chicken.

2 Portuguese still live at the Melaka Portuguese Village, and they will tell you there’s no better place in the whole world than back home in Lisbon.

3 Portuguese will form a crooners group singing 1950/60’s numbers and  Harry Belafonte calypso hits at seaside resorts, pretending to be Spanish or Mexican Minstrels.

4 Portuguese will be accorded Bumiputra status.

1 Indon will be a domestic maid.

2 Indons will become sub-contractors for  the entire harvest in a oil palm or rubber estate.

3 Indons will buy Guiness Stout at 7/11 and 4-D tickets at Toto outlets.

4 Indons will become Malaysian Bumiputra and operate a Nasi Padang or Sundanese restaurant.

1 Burmese will work in a hotel, restaurant or food stall and speak in fluent Chinese the day after he/she lands here.

2 Burmese will work in a hotel, restaurant or food stall, greet you with ‘mingalaba’ and tell you there’s no better place in the whole world than back home.

3 Burmese will cook and serve in a hotel,  restaurant or food stall. All the food will taste the same – like cooked cardboard or plywood.

4 Burmese will work in a hotel, restaurant or food stall, claim to be devout Buddhists, get into fights with Rohingyans, and be deported.

1 Thai will be a domestic maid.

2 Thais will serve in a restaurant, say ‘Sawasdi Ka’, and tell you there’s no better place in the whole world than back home.

3 Thais will start a tom yam food stall or Thai Restaurant.

4 Thais will start a foot reflexology spa or girlie bar/massage parlour, or become cross-border hit-men.

1 Filipino will answer your credit card queries at a call centre.

2 Filipinos will serve drinks at a bar, say ‘Mabuhay’, and tell you there’s no better place in the whole world than back home.

3 Filipinos will drink San Miguel beer, dance the Flamenco and talk about invading Sabah, ‘one of our ancestral homes’.

4 Filipinos will start a pop group singing off-key in American accent.

1 Pakistani will start a carpet business and employ a village of uncles, nephews and cousins from Lahore or Karachi.

2 Pakistanis will work as illegal security guards at a G&G residential area, and tell you there’s no better place in the whole world than back home.

3 Pakistanis will marry local or Indon Malays and become Bumiputra. All Pak men look like Bollywood heart-throb movie actors.

4 Pakistanis will start a Tandoori Restaurant or repair PC/laptops in Low Yat Plaza at a superb discount to the extortionate charges by Dell, Apple etc.

1 Bangla will be laid off from a factory job even before he lands at KLIA. He will soon be illegally employed at a local laundry and dry cleaning chain.

2 Banglas will serve in a restaurant, greet you with 'shukria' and tell you there’s no better place in the whole world than back home.

3 Banglas will marry local Malays and become Bumiputra. All Bangla men look like Bollywood heart-throb movie actors.

4 Banglas will work at and supervise a car wash and eventually, own it.

1 Nepali who can’t speak English, Tamil or Hindi, will talk to you in Bahasa.

2 Nepalese will work as legal security guards in a G&G residential area. You will be charged 50% more for Nepali guards. They will tell you there’s no better place in the whole world than back home.

3 Nepalese will soon start a fight over money and loans, get knifed, and be deported home of which there is no better place in the whole world.

4 Nepalese will all have Bahadur or Krishna as their names.


1 MDB will lose $46 billion in assets.

2 MDBs will lose $46 billion in cash.

3 MDBs will lose $46 billion in units.

4 MDBs will lose $46 billion in donations.

1 Grossmajibby will save $2.6 billion donation in her savings bank a/c from the age of 5. It will not be used for her personal benefit.

2 Grossmajibbies will party with Jho Paris Hilton, De Niro, De Caprio and Eddy Murphy and play golf with their buddy Obasama Binladen.

3 Gossmajibbies will own 100 Birkin Bags, one US$24 million diamond ring, 4 $100 million condos in London, NY and Beverly Hills, and amass personal undeclared wealth estimated at at least $10 billion. 

4 Grossmajibbies will have everyone combing world-wide for $multi-billion donations and jobs.


Of course, we should not spare our neighbours from an unknown island immediately across the Johor Causeway:

1 Singiaporean out of 4 will be a Caucasian immigrant, always married to a sarong party girl.

2 Singiaporeans will work for the government, and tell you there’s no better place in the whole world than back home in Malaysia.

3 Singiaporeans will be kiasu Chinese who work for the government, and say they are not racist, but complain ‘why are there so many ang-moh/gwai loh citizens here’?

4 Singiaporeans will form a GRC representing no one, but will work for the government.

Or, the Nigerians and Arabs. 
  
1 Nigerian, jobless Richard Odungu Mbodo, age 25 and faking to be white Richard Remington Steel III (Darling Dick) from Knightsbridge, London will sweet-talk 55-year old spinster-teacher Kak Minah from Kampong Attap in Alor Setar on the ‘Lonely Hearts’ internet chat room to send him her entire life’s savings of $250,000 so that they could live happily ever after, apart. This is the ‘Black Dick Good, White Dick Lagi Bes’ Nigerian scam, under section 419 of the Penile Code.

2 Nigerians, jobless George Washington Bang Dollah and Benjamin Franklin Shaft Naira, can turn millions of blackened US$ notes into usable  money with chemicals, for RM50,000. This is the ‘Nigerian Black Is Beautiful’ cash scam.

3 Nigerians, age 45 and jobless, will register for a Business Degree course at a local private Uni, and the Immigration Department will issue them student visas, no questions asked. Many believe the Nigerians employ Black Magic to fool our officers. This is called the ‘Nigerian $5,000 Jujuberry Backhander Voodoo Scam’. 

4 Nigerians, jobless, will be the most generous people on earth who can’t seem to give away their totally legal $100 million inheritance for a “small” $20,000 fee to cover legal and admin expenses. These poor Nigerians have to waste so much of their time deleting all the email pleas they send out and remain unanswered. This is called the ‘Nigerian 419 Scam’ after Section 419 of the Penal Code.

1 Arab will always be called Abdool or Achmet, and never be lonely as long as he has his camel.

2 Arabs will donate $2.6 billion to PM Najib who will not use 1 cent of it for his personal benefit. This is a story told in Chapter 46MDB of the 'The Arabian Tales' titled 'Ali Baba And His Forty Serially Lying Thieves'.

3 Arabs in white robes and their wives, in full black ones, will complain about the heat and humidity and maintain that there is no better or cooler place than back home in the desert.

4 Arabs, including Chief Sheikh A Leg, will smoke hookah (sisha) in a street corner cafe and demand the street be named Ain Arab (Arab Street). And our fawning, slithering Mayor and Minister of Federal Territories, the fake Tengku, will both respond with, 'should we have camel tethering posts and watering holes installed as well, O' Great Highnesses?' 

After all, laughter is the best medicine!

Donplaypuks® with the human race, man!

THE LAST BASTION OF JUSTICE FALLS! COP OUT BY ABOMINABLE YETI. GROSSMAJIB KENCINGS (URINATES) ON CITIZENS!

by alan bernanke yellen , donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for abominable yeti affairs

On Thursday 13th August, the last bastion of justice that many thought could be relied upon to save us from PM Grossmajib and his government of thieves, fell with a resounding crash. 

Online comments posted at Mkini, Malaysian Insider, FMT and Malaysia Chronicles reflected the outrage that thousands of citizens felt. They cursed and swore as they never did before.

We knew that we could not rely upon the Executive, Legislative or Judicial arms of government to expose the massive corruption, thievery and fraud by the government under PM Grossmajib, and pressure him to resign from office immediately. 

We now know that the Attorney General, Chief of Police, Chief Justice and Judges and the Central Bank, WILL NOT lift a finger to deliver justice as opposed to merely going by the letter of the statutes and laws.

I have said it before and I will say it again. The law, no matter what it says, cannot, shall not, be used to conceal a massive crime and protect the perpetrators. There is not one set of laws for the ordinary citizens and another when it comes to prime ministers and the ruling class.

Remember, we the PEOPLE, empower the Executive to administer the country, by voting at the elections. And we can just as easily take that empowerment away when there is CBT, corruption, fraud, looting and plundering by the Executive class, on a pandemic scale!

And, we do not have to wait till the next elections to unseat PM Grossmajib, as pathetically and imbecilically argued by him. When your house is on fire, will you wait for the fire engine, knowing in your heart of hearts that it will never arrive and that your house will be burnt to cinders, or, try and douse the conflagration out, with the help of your neighbours and friends?

I am of course talking about the lately silent and missing-in-inaction Central Bank Chairman, the Abominal Yeti, who passed the buck about the Task Farce supposedly investigating allegations of financial misfeasance at 1GDB (1Grossmajib Development Bunkum) over its $46 billion debt and $51 billion assets, and by PM Grossmajib over $2.6 billion TT'd by "brotherly Arabs" from abroad into his personal bank account in Malaysia, in 2013.

Abominal Yeti claimed that she had been filing reports about 1GDB's money movements for over 2 years, and that the ball was now in the Attorney General's court.

As to the $2.6 billion and PM Grossmajib, she maintained that as it involved an individual's bank account, it was protected by BAFIA (Banking and Financial Institutions Act). CLICK HERE for a brief on BAFIA. Abominable Yeti feigned fear that she could be arrested if she commented on press queries about the movements in PM Grossmajib's bank account.

When the allegations against PM Grossmajib surfaced on 2nd July through an expose by the Wall St. Journal, he did not deny it, but maintained that he did not personally benefit from that $2.6 billion. Backed by BUMNO/SCUMNO, his latest "admission" is that the $2.6 billion was a "brotherly donation" from the Arabs keen to ensure that "friendly parties" won the 2013 General Election. CLICK HERE.

What was shocking about Abominable Yeti was the nonchalance with which she dismissed the entire issue. Her statement that the $2.6 billion "did not come under the purview of the Central Bank (CB)" is unbelievable. How on earth could this person so shamelessly let down an entire nation? Abominable Yeti's answers pose more questions which we suppose she will never answer:

1.  Her answers seem to suggest that the Task Farce was more intent on identifying the whistleblowers than taking action against anyone involved in massive financial misfeasance, corruption and fraud. What is your priority Abominable Yeti? Catching multi-billion ringgit money-laundering and corrupt and fraud perpetrators and sending them to jail or going after whistleblowers?

2. How could this $2.6 billion not come under the CB's purview when the PM and BUMNO/SCUMNO have admitted that, with the connivance of shady foreign Arabs, money was used to influence the outcome of the 2013 General Election? Who else is supposed to monitor and take action against suspicious in and out movements of mega bucks? Someone's Nenek Tua in Terengganu or the corner-stall Cendol seller? 

More so, when PM Grossmajib lied that he did not benefit personally from the $2.6 billion, when, clearly, he would have lost the 2013 elections and his prime minister's post, without the massive war chest. 

No one believes that this money came from any Arab and his rich camel. The smart money is betting that it was an advance by a certain USA merchant bank (who charged $600 million in fees for it) who said 'the client needed the money urgently". Then it was routed from USA through Switzerland, and laundered through Malaysian parties to friendly Saudi Arabian and other parties in the Middle East and the Cayman Islands, to PM Grossmajib's account in KL.

That's not enough for the CB to investigate and charge PM Grossmajib?

3. The $2.6 billion clearly comes under the CB's purview, as without in-depth investigations, how can it be sure this is not illegal or tainted money (from international drug, human trafficking or prostitution cartels and rings)  that is being laundered through the account of a sitting prime minister?

4. This may only be the tip of the proverbial ice-berg. There are allegations that much. much more money than $2.6 billion from abroad, sloshed through PM Grossmajib's and his wife's accounts! What say you, Abominable Zeti?

5. Equally important are:

(a) The persons to whom PM Grossmajib paid out part of the $2.6 billion. What did they use it for? Did they put a portion of it in their own back-pockets?

(b) Was any money transferred to the accounts of PM Grossmajib's family members?

(c) Where and to whose account was the balance of money transferred to by PM Grossmajib when the account was closed in March 2015? According to Dr.Mahathir, it was transferred to an account in Singapore. Such massive amounts of money cannot be TT'd out of the country without the CB's approval, can it? Did the CB approve it?

6. When asked about whether in 2013 Ambank had notified the CB about the $2.6 billion, Abominable Yeti replied:

"We are investigating on the compliance of financial institutions on this requirement"

Really? After 2 years, only now you are getting round to it? On  $2.6 billion, when ordinary citizens get harassed daily by banks for receiving or sending out small amounts like $15,000 and threatened with Big Brother CB? What internal control system is this, what sort of monitoring, if banks can hide massive money-laundering taking place under the CB's very nose!

So, this is a blatant lie. You know the answer, but will cover up for PM Grossmajib. For that, Abominable Yeti, you are shit!

7. What do you mean Abominable Yeti, when you say BNM has no enforcement powers? In 2012, did not the CB raid Genneva offices and freeze $146 million of cash in their bank accounts, allegedly for operating a giant ponzi scheme and illegal deposit taking? CLICK HERE.

Here is a list of various cases instituted by the CB against many companies. CLICK HERE. Most of these are kucing kurap, chicken-feed, when you compare the allegations against PM Grossmajib and his $2.6 billion. Yet, you maintain you have no enforcement power? Who do you think you are kidding?

8. You submitted reports for 2 years. When no action was taken within 6 months, it did not occur in you that nothing would be done by PM Grossmajib? It did not occur to you, a PhD holder, that you owe a greater duty of care, AMANAH, to the Rakyat than the PM or BUMNO/ SCUMNO? Would not a person in your exalted position of responsibility to the PEOPLE, or anyone with a modicum of self-respect, dignity and integrity threaten PM Grossmajib with going public or resign? Why do you support and protect this government of thieves by remaining silent?

And what is the reward for all that loyalty to thieves, Abominable Yeti? Why, Grossmajib's prepaid bloggers are now accusing you and you family of corruption and operating suspicious off-shore companies. CLICK HERE and HERE.

That's what you get when you seem to be chummy with the Mafia of PM Grossmajib and his sycophants. Or, have you always been one of them?

And Nasir of Chimbank - Abominable Yeti, an international banking icon? My ass! Looks more like icon without the 'i' and a country without the tree!!

Never in the history of human endeavour have so few fought so much to cover-up for so few against the interest of so many!

Donplaypuks® with central bank cover-ups and cop outs, man!