Positioned strategically between East and West, the diversity that we celebrate, was inevitable. However, often, we take our origins too seriously. The political events, especially in 2015, have seen a curtain of gloom descend on us. For that, we must deposit the blame right at the doorsteps of PMO, Putridjaya and PM Grossmajib who wears the pants and her husband who wears the skirts.
So, it's time to lighten up by lampooning the Malays, Chinese Indians and Others.
1 Portuguese will sell devilled chicken.
1 MDB will lose $46 billion in assets.
Of course, we should not spare our neighbours from an unknown island immediately across the Johor Causeway:
Or, the Nigerians and Arabs.
1 Nigerian, jobless Richard Odungu Odumbe, age 25 and faking to be white Richard Remington Steel III (Darling Dick) from Knightsbridge, London will sweet-talk 55-year old spinster-teacher Kak Minah from Kampong Attap in Alor Setar on the ‘Lonely Hearts’ internet chat room to send him her entire life’s savings of $250,000 so that they could live happily ever after, apart. This is the ‘Black Dick Good, White Dick Lagi Bes’ Nigerian scam, under section 419 of the Penile Code.
2 Nigerians, jobless George Washington Bang Dollah and Benjamin Franklin Shaft Naira, can turn millions of blackened US$ notes into usable money with chemicals, for RM50,000. This is the ‘Nigerian Black Is Beautiful’ cash scam.
3 Nigerians, age 45 and jobless, will register for a Business Degree course at a local private Uni, and the Immigration Department will issue them student visas, no questions asked. Many believe the Nigerians employ Black Magic to fool our officers. This is called the ‘Nigerian $5,000 Jujuberry Backhander Voodoo Scam’.
4 Nigerians, jobless, will be the most generous people on earth who can’t seem to give away their totally legal $100 million inheritance for a “small” $20,000 fee to cover legal and admin expenses. These poor Nigerians have to waste so much of their time deleting all the email pleas they send out and remain unanswered. This is called the ‘Nigerian 419 Scam’ after Section 419 of the Penal Code.
1 Arab will always be called Abdool or Achmet, and never be lonely as long as he has his camel.
2 Arabs will donate $2.6 billion to PM Najib who will not use 1 cent of it for his personal benefit. This is a story told in Chapter 42MDB of the 'The Arabian Tales' titled 'Ali Baba And His Forty Serially Lying Thieves'.
3 Arabs in white robes and their wives, in full black ones, will complain about the heat and humidity and maintain that there is no better or cooler place than back home in the desert.
4 Arabs, including Chief Sheikh A Leg, will smoke hookah (sisha) in a street corner cafe and demand the street be named Ain Arab (Arab Street). And our fawning, slithering Mayor and Minister of Federal Territories, the fake Tengku, will both respond with, 'should we have camel tethering posts and watering holes installed as well, O' Great Highnesses?'
After all, laughter is the best medicine!