THE SEPTEMBER 16TH CHRONICLES - PART V (FINAL)

'THE LAST SCUPPER'
or
'before the night is over one amongst you shall betray me!'
or
'you can check-out anytime you like, but you can never leave!'

(click on pic for enlarged view)

by eagle g.frey, donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for hotel stone caves affairs.

Alibabaji and his 43 Warlord-Thieves (WT), together with a smattering of elite Mandarins, top 300 I Polis Raja and Judges for yourself were all arrested on the morning of September 16th, on the clear, unequivocal instructions of the new Minister for Home Affairs, Petra Raja SD, on the stroke of morning prayers.

In local parlance, they were Mohd ISA'd under Section 73(1) of the Act. The arrestees were read their rights and clearly notified they were to be incarcerated indefinitely at Kamunting Lock-up 'for their own safety' as police reports of 'extreme danger prejudicial to their lives' had been made all over the Nation.

A shocked Nation and World woke up to their breakfast TV news, with the sight of Petra Raja SD flanked by the all new line-up of Minister for Law Sivaji Raja, AG Haris P.Parliament Raja and the new CJ, the Right Honourable Hishamuddin Y.Raja, as they presented the facts of the case about the birth of a new dawn to a half-expectant Nation. A Ghandhianesque non-violent, peaceful transformation had been engineered. A Nation breathed a sigh of relief!

But how had the impossible been transformed to become the possible? Not that the People HAD NOT been forewarned.

But slowly, the details emerged in bits and pieces and trickles from the 'Behind Open Doors' inquiries held by the Royal Special Democracy Commission and from Statutory Declarations (SD's) posted in the most popular on-line blog-site, MalaysiaYesterday and from reports leaked to on-line newspaper malaysiasoros@.con.

To understand the revolution that had taken place, donplaypuks® had to reach far & wide to its network of investigative reporters and informers to piece together the complete story of 'The Last Scupper.' Now read & weep, with joy!:-

THE LAST SCUPPER

In the end they were undone by their own thievery. Had the $100 mil Bose state-of-the-art PA System been functioning properly, they would have had an early alert of their impending arrest, and possibly escaped. However, the directly-negotiated non-tendered out contract for the PA system had earlier been awarded to a Croney, who had promptly sub-conned it (unknowingly) to a PRC bogus electronics set up - Shandung-Marconi RCA Valves & Tubes - which had quoted a mere $1 mil for the whole kaboodle, including, installation, testing and commissioning. The local Certificate of Fitness (CF) had been issued even before the crates of 'Maded in PRC' equipment arrived.

Then ex-Supreumno & ex-WT of Sell-Out-All-State, Japo-Peruvian Fujimori Toyota had dismissed allegations of misdeeds and financial irregularities over the Bose equipment fiasco. He then leaked to the MSM that it was all stirred up by racist MP for Pure White County, Mad-as-Hell Teresa, who was promptly arrested (Mohd ISA'd, Section 73/1) by I Polis Raja SB prior to any formal investigations, for her own safety and well-being. But they had their ears to the ground and KNEW that this was exactly the kind of thing that could foment racial riots, and so had moved in to nip it in the bud, such fanatical, righteous believers were they in George Bush's philosophy of pre-emptive strike!

But we digress. Let's cut to the chase.

Late on the night of the 15th of September, a chauffer-driven August issue Prodana Limo shudderd along on a dark desert highway, obviously tolled, leading to the hills of Dutakennybigbangdamanshire or The Shires at 200 kph, the driver oblivious to the speed limit of 110 kph. You could tell the Prodana was a brand-new August model from the flapping boot-door and the inextinguishable right-turn signal light. Alibabaji manually wound down the windows to get a blast of relief-giving cool wind in his hair, to mitigate the air-con which for a reason he could not quite put his finger on, was hurricaning warm, humid air!

As they came to a stop outside the once magical door of the Stone Caves, which no longer opened or closed to the whisper of 'Open D Tap Once More Time Again Lah, Brudder' or 'Close D Tap Once More Time Again Lah, Brudder', Alibabaji caught a whiff of the warm smell of chapatis and roti chanais rising up through the air, via the open car-windows. Waves of nostalgia and longing assaulted him. Aah, he sighed, that must be Wigs, ex-WT & Leader of Kesatuan Alam Liga India Neopolitikachicken Arya (KALINGA), cooking up a storm. He salivated as he fantasized about the special tharka dhal, chicken vindaloo and goathead curry with ginger to prevent flatulence, as discovered in ancient times and now promoted by Wig's newly founded MAIMS (Magical Ayurvedic Institute for Medicines & Sthethescopes) University & College.

As he alighted from the car, he saw up ahead in the distance a shimmering light glancing off the $1b Krisistal Palace of Worship in the hills, reflected off a shower of glass! His head grew heavy, and his sight grew dim from the dazzling display as he wondered who got that contract. He knew he had to stop for the night here for the Party of all Parties. The WT's had come from far and wide, including the East.

There she stood in the doorway, in a splayed-on figure-concealing Nubian-black Dior raw-cotton gunny-sack, covered from head to toe, with openings for eyes and nostrils only, as desirable a blob of misshapen lump as any a Sheikh would lust for and sell his camel's soul off to own. He was not sure, as he heard the mission bell, and was thinking to himself that this could be heaven or this could be hell, as she lit up the candle and showed him the way. Hell, was it a she, he or it underneath, he really could not tell. But as they progressed to the great Cavern Hall, there were voices down the corridor and he thought he heard them say 'Wecome to the Hotel Stone Caves...what a lovely place, what a lovely face, if only I could peek at it...'

As soon as he entered, there erupted a massive roar as all the WT's, CT's, Mandarins, I Polis Raja, Judges for yourself and thousands of special guests and their trophy-wives, mistresses or girl/boy/it-friends greeted him. There were mirrors on the ceiling and non-alcoholic pink champagne on ice. Oh, how they danced in the courtyard, some flashing $50 thou Tiffany-twisted diamond rings and $160 thou Patek Philippe & Jaegar Leoultre bejewelled watches, while others did the conga round their Mercedes Benz Kompressors. They, the pretty, pretty boys like Sighful did not care a damn about the sweet fragrance of summer sweat. Some danced to remember and some danced to forget!

So he called up the Captain to bring him his whine.' No more directly-negotiated contracts, no more baksheesh! It's the end of the world for us! We haven't had that same spirit here since 1969,' he growled. So, he left him alone, clearly a prisoner of his own device.

'Aah Chief In Command and Alibabaji-elect, there you are,' he greeted 6-Star General Rosemajibbed. "Come close to me. Be forewarned, before the night is over, one amongst you shall betray me!' whispered Alibabaji.

'Shock, horror! No! Not a Jewish Zionist-type conspiratorial Judas among us! Never!' fibbed Rosemajibbed,'Tell me whom you suspect, and I shall have him Mohd ISA'd for his own safety!'

'No, no, I appreciate your loyalty, but it's ok. Let the games be played, let nature takes its own course.'

But he was hungry and wandered over to the halal no-see ham (cockles) char kway teow stall, where ex-WT for Traffic & Transport Jams & Badminton, Lin Dan Dar Ling, was doing his special flambe kway teow with chicken under grass, ably assisted by his heir, Dr.Lin HeaLing. Hea Ling had an entry in the Genius Book of Records as the only Biologist to have done a dawn raid on the KL Casino Exchange by taking over a baker's dozen (13) of Plc's with no prior experience in business whatsoever or cash at all. He had been immediately garlanded as Entrepreneur of the Century and within a year had succeeded in folding up all 13 Plc's and exiting with several hundred $mil in compensation. Lin Sr, otherwise knows as QuickYellow Death, had, in a short period of time following his premature retirement, eminently succeeding in overseeing the near demise of a couple of Plc's where he provided inspiring sonorous leadership of the horizontal kind. He also had a hand in issuing illegal very friendly letters of support for $4b (meter is still running) Free Warehouse Land Trade Centre in Portsweatinghangemhigh!

Alibabaji next waddled over to Wigs Yindian Food Stall. 'Is it ready yet?' he queried.

'Coming, coming, saab. Wall's ready yexepting the mutton varuval & goathead curry. The Sighfool yassistant chef did not marinate it. So, ve had to scour yit and hammer yit to soften yit. Yalso, ve stabbed the beast with our steely knives. Soon, ve can gather in the Master's Chamber of Food Hall and taste the finger-licking good stuff,' he enthused.

And boy, did they dance, sing, do their thang and karaoke till the wee hours of the morning, or did they!! There was Mrs. Rosemajibbed who launched off-key as usual into her repertoire of glorious 1950's hits as rats, even though engorged on the fat of the land for 50 years, threw themselves at the mouse-traps. Octogenarian WT's broke wind loudly, involuntarily. Why, Rosemajibbed even did his funky-chicken-in-scorpeneis submarine Mongolian break-dance routine, while Wigs, Firaun and Lin Dan Dar Ling broke into an impromptu Bhangra boogaloo all freak out chapatti flap-shake-heads-about. Even Alibabaji joined in with his Shalamar-like robotic sleep-walk-flip-flop-under-strobe lights disco number. MJ, eat your heart out!

And as the night wore on, they gathered in smaller groups here and there, where the raconteurs and wits had the others in fits as they regaled them with oft-repeated episodes from the ancient 1001 nights tall stories. Alibabaji caught snatches of these great tall story-tellings as he wandered from group to group:-

WT Maha Firaun - ...the sultan ordered me to sack...I had no choice...now $mil compensations to these...judge for yourself..slap in the face...RC...hung out to dry by mere possibilities...Ops Lallang 106 Mohd ISA arrests...apanama...not my fault...I forget...

WT rAPfire woman - female member for Kachek Ka'timah International Traders...why pick on me...everyone's son and uncle were given...and I deserve an Oscar at least for my crying scene with Firaun in Act 2, Scene2...

WT Grumpymopeydopeydin - male member for Ermenidildozena Cosa Nostra and Monopolies....as an honest politician...dammnit, there is no contradiction...I speak...only the absolute truth...I agreed before...now...it's not a u-turn, no way...the People know there is no rumour to the truth...

WT Kerismudin - male member for idiots guide to learning science & matrix maths...krisis waving...racial supremacy...apologise...if, but, maybe...misunderstood...zionist plotters...

WT Don Empty Suitcase - male member for Batang Kali Dua Unregistered Moneylenders & Forex Traders...I can't speak a word of english...oztralia...$30 mil...was peanuts...

WT male member for Flag Hill Bandits, Don Artificial Intelligence -...chinese squatters...quoted out of kontex...historical facts...shoot the informer...

WT Fujimori Toyota ex-male member for Long River Java Immigrant Racketeers-...that's mean sub-judice..no komen...let them investigate...deny land allocation in Black Forest Hills...

WT Magoo Jagger No Bianca - male member for Tall Nuts Pirates and WT for Home Science....I am only a WT...the home science office cannot question the cops...I don't know who gave the Mohd ISA orders...it's not my job...

And so the revelry continued until at the exact second of the morning prayers the whole Stone Caves shook with the sound of explosions and shattering glass from the windows, and doors blew off their hinges. Almost as if by divine timing! Hundreds of men clad in ninja and SAS-type black combat uniforms descended on ropes and pulleys from the gaping ceiling while more hurled themselves throughthe windows and doors, firing tear gas shells and rubber bullets. These were the dreaded Ultra Secret, Mobile Alert Terror Infantry (MATI) who were usually deployed in covert operations against Terrorists.

You could tell that some were also from the High IQ, feared volunteer-elite RELA-X group who possessed menacing shot-guns that were sawn-off at the handle end and the barrels were facing themselves!! The WT's tried to run for their lives hither and thither, but were too obese from years of over-conspicuous consumption and could only move at walking speed. All were collared before they could advance a foot and flee to the safety of non-extraditable rogue African and S.American nations and off-shore tax havens. They were packed into trucks and handed empty plastic bottles for the long journey.

The last thing Alibbaji remembered, he was running (waddling) for the door. He had to find a passage back to the place he was before. To the Palace of the Successful Prince. Why were there no messages or communication from 4th Floor?

'Relax,' said a familiar madman-like voice in a Nubian-black Dior raw-cotton gunny-sack that covered him completely from head to toe making him as desirable a blob of misshapen lump as any a passing Sheikh would lust for and sell his camel's soul off to own, as he dashed past Alibabaji. It was none other than Cassius Sil aka Hairy Plotter the Silly. 'Don worry. You.. are...all...programmed... to...receive... the best attention at Kamunting Lock-up. You will all be Mohd ISA'd there for your own physical safety and well-being FOR LIFE. Very thoughtful and considerate of them.'

'Yes, that's right Sil, absolutely right. After all, we made the rules and enforced it for 50 years,' they all screamed and moaned! All together now:

'You can check-out anytime you like, but you can NEVER leave !!.'

Tadadadadadadadamn, tadadadadadadadamn! tadadaddadamn......

donplaypuks® with my hotel, man!