by Tony Roti Jaladonplaypuks' intrepid corresponsent for avionics affairs
Come April 21st, those who saw in AA the second coming, and supported its Low Cost Carrier air-fares and business model whole-heartedly, will have, as their just desserts, their teeth kicked in!
In the wake of trail-blazing ‘Brave New World’ and in the true spirit of ‘Our Customers Are Our Partners’ AA will charge passengers for all check-in luggage, where previously check-in luggage not exceeding 15kg, was free.
Big Brother of AA, in true government and bureaucratic double speak, a strange language for an out-and-out private-sector commercial enterprise, was apparently moved, urged, nay compelled, by the exigencies of its Loyalty Programme, to offer this revolutionary service to budget conscious air-travellers, ‘to change consumer behaviour and encourage people to travel lighter’ .
Presumably, by emptying their wallets faster than you can say ‘Tony, F U' , or is it MU?
Bbb…, bbbut, other LCC’s as well as International Carriers are not charging for check-in luggage. How come, Tone honey?
‘AA's primary aim is to continue to keep costs low for all our guests. This means guests will only pay for services they use. With the cost of flying rising (due to increasingly higher fuel costs), we are looking to change consumer behaviour and encourage people to travel lighter.
It is a common policy for low cost carriers in Europe and the US to charge for checked baggage. The traditional carriers who charge higher ticket prices already have this cost built into the ticket price. At AA, our guests have the choice of paying for this service if they want to use it.’
Spoken like a true robber baron!
So, you save money by paying the same fare as before, but extra for check-in luggage? Huh?
But Tone, you knew about what European & US LCC’s were doing and accordingly, structured your start-up with all-inclusive fairs in line with the model of traditional carriers, didn’t you?
And the names of ALL these dastardly hundreds of Euro & US over-charging swinehund carriers are?.... er, Tony, Tone… Man, can you run faster than a guy with a bad case of roti-Jala runs up his ass… mmmm!
Is AA trying to make money out of this?
Over to Tony:
‘With increasingly rising fuel costs we are introducing this fee in order to continue to strive to keep our fares as low as possible. Lighter baggage weight onboard the aircraft means burning less fuel, hence, less pollution and a better environment.
Guests who travel light should not be subsidising others who require this service. This will lead to savings and help keep basic fares low for everyone. Our aim is to encourage guests to travel light and pay only for the service they require.
Nah, we wouldn’t go for the money, not us? Would we? Naah! Not for King & Country!
SHOW ME DA FCUKING MONEY!! SHOW MEEEEEE!SHOWMEDABUNNEEFUNEEMONEEEE……….!!
Oh, and that was a nice touch Tone. That schmaltzy spiel would make you the darling of Greenpeace. You know, that itsy bitsy about lighter load saving fuel usage and over-night, solving Global Warming, Polar Ice-cap Melt-down, Ozone Layer Depletion. Not to mention improving the lot of whales, dolphins, sharks, pangolins, white-tigers & rhinocerii, the Penan and the smog over Mexico & China!
You only left out the children in Ethiopia and Mother Teresa. Naughty!
So, my fellow weary bargain-hunting air-travellers, get ready for that week’s break in Borobudur, Angkor Wat or Lake Toba, decked out with the sartorial elegance of a Desert Rat - a pair of jeans and/or shorts, 2 t-shirts and a pair of underwear. Anything more, and you will need a gunny sack of cash to pay for your friendly overseas hotel’s in-house rip-off laundry charges.
Also, don't worry about the stink in the plane on your return flight; you won't be able to smell anything, it'll be so saturated, almost like a smog inside the cabin from all the passengers!! but do bring your own mini-oxygen tank or AA will supply you one for only $....., but no refund on empties though, let's play fair!
And please, don’t belly-ache about the 68th time your AA flight has been delayed this year. It’s only 1675% more than Jetstar’s delays. And don't start about monopolies, anti-competition etc etc.
Meanwhile, Uncle Tony will be busy adding that imported Italian marble super-jet deluxe jacuzzi and snazzy Bose home-theatre and audio systems to his Taj Mahal in Bali. But, he will be travelling AA and paying for his checked-in suitcase. Somewhat better behaviour, I suppose, than those free-loaders who buy multi-million $ jumbo-jets with taxpayers' money for trips to open Nasi Kandar restaurants in Perth!!
Ciao!
donflypuks with me man!!
donplaypuks
