INTERVIEW WITH THE JEDI MASTER PLANNER OF THE REALM FOR JEDI LIGHT SABRE KRISIS & HIGHER, LOWER AND ANY OTHER IN-BETWEEN LEVELS OF LEARNING, LATOK HUSSAIN ALAKAZAM HASHIM ALAKAZOOM POPULARLY KNOWN AS LORD HA HA (LHH)By Asha Labax Lorraine Osman Khan (ALLOK), donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for Learning Affairs
ALLOK Welcome to Astral TV Master, you are looking rather well, all ok.
LHH Yes, all ok. Ha ha, thank you, you’re not too bad looking yourself. So, fire away.
ALLOK Well Master, there seems to be a controversy every year about Scholarships, local and overseas, and allocation of students’ places in the Universities and Institutions of Tertiary Learning, and this year seems to be no different. What do you have to say?
LHH Ha ha, no controversy, no problem. These complaints are the work of mischievous Communist and Zionist trouble makers.
ALLOK There have been accusations that many scholarships, especially to prestigious universities in advanced western countries, for courses in medicine, pharmacy, engineering, law, bio-tech etc, are awarded to children of the Haves, who are not income means-tested, to those who secure much lower number of A's and even to those who secured Grade 2 and 3.
LHH The selection and award process is actually very methodical, rigorous, transparent and fair, but they are covered by OSIBISA (Official Secrets, Intelligence, Banking and Internal Security Act), so, ha, ha, I cannot talk about it publicly.
ALLOK How about the fact that many students with better grades than their fellow ‘more equal’ counterparts, are unable to secure scholarships and/or places for medicine, law and engineering, and the situation is resolved every year only after intervention by the Complaints Bureau of CHARSIU (Chinese Heavenly Association for Race, Sincerity, Integrity and Unity)?
LHH There is no real issue. No official protest or demonstration. The situation has been resolved now, ha, ha.
ALLOK We have received numerous letters from very, very disturbed students who claim that the practice and principle of equating arbitrarily The Matrix Exam Grades with The A-Level Grades is seriously flawed. The so-called 3 orange = 1 apples selection formula applied by you. After all, the Matrix Exam unlike the A-Level, is a local exam for selected students only, and rumours are that the students are very heavily coached before the exams.
LHH These are scurrilous attacks upon the integrity of good people. I deign to answer this racially-motivated, slanderous, defamatory and cowardly filth. Do not make me take a Jedi stance and draw out my Jedi Light Sabre Krisis and wave it about menacingly!!
ALLOK Still Master, what about the 3 orange= 1 apples formula, surely this must be defended?
LHH Ha ha, this is sheer nonsense. Look, it has been mathematically proven that this formula is correct. Let me demonstrate:-
The proposition is 'The Matrix vs A-Level, 3 orange = 1 apples.'
PROOF BY MADDAYA PROFESSOR OF NEWTONIAN CHAIR OF MATHEMATICS AT THE MATRIX UNIVERSITY, PROF ANDRESSON NEO THE ONE
Number of letters in `orange’ = 6 x 3 orange = 18
Number of letters in `apples’ = 6 x 1 apples = 6
Orange/Apples = 18/6 = 3
Therefore 3 orange = 1 apples. QED.
ALLOK Wellll, ha, ha, that’s certainly a novel and interesting approach Master, so let’s take a break while I recover. I feel faint and vomitous.
INTERVIEW TERMINATED PREMATURELY
donplaypuks® with my education man!!
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