Transport Query - ‘GRIDLOCK’ OR ‘FOR WHOM THE TOLLS BELL IN BOLEHLAND’

by the international jew henry ford
donplaypuks' intrepid correspondent for motoring affairs

Excerpts from the intro to Ben Elton’s (UK) 1991 ‘Gridlock’ about a group of aliens visiting Earth to shoot a 3-minute TV comedy item for their top-rated show ‘That’s Amazing’ :

QUOTE ‘But then, they were stumped. They had encountered one aspect of human activity which astonished and mystified even those hardened researches. Researchers who thought they had seen every illogicality and lunacy that the universe had to offer.

All those things which we on Earth believe to be complex and difficult had been simplicity to these aliens - the situation in Beirut, what Hamlet’s problem was, how to set the timer on a 14-day VCR (although in fairness they managed to record a documentary about Tuscany rather than ‘Dirty Harry’ which is what they really wanted to watch)…whether an object exists when you are not looking at it (it does), whether there is a God (if you want), and why people eat KFC even though it makes them ill (human beings are stupid).

They had seen pointless wars and pointless destruction. They had even visited the Tate gallery, listened to modern jazz, read the novels of James Joyce.

They scratched their multiple thought podules and said ‘Bugger me, that’s weird!’

The problem was one of transport.

They could see the long thin arteries along which humans travelled. They noted that after sunrise all the humans travelled one way and at sunset they all travelled the other. They could see that progress was slow and congested along these arteries, that there were endless blockages, queues, bottle-necks and delays causing untold frustration and inefficiency. All this they could see clearly. What was not clear to them, was why. They knew humanity was stupid.

The super intelligent beings transmitted their data back to the producer of their programme who responded.

‘You’re mad, bellowed the producer. You’re tying to tell me that they’re all going in the same direction, travelling to much the same destinations and yet they’re all deliberately impeding the progress of each other by covering 6 square metres of space with a large, almost completely empty tin box?’

‘That’s exactly what we’re trying to tell you, boss.’

‘You’re lying,’ shouted the producer. You mean, a society sufficiently sophisticated to produce the internal combustion engine has not had the sophistication to develop cheap and efficient public transport?’

‘Yes, boss,’ said the researchers, ‘it’s true. There’s hardly any buses, the trains are hopelessly underfunded, and hence the entire population is stuck in traffic.’

‘Well, that’s amazing,’ said the producer. Get your asses back to Britain. We got a show.’ UNQUOTE

Is it not amazing that our Malaysian Triple Degree Havoxhavudbridge Transport Consultants, Ministers and Government have learnt nothing from all these disasters which started long, long ago in UK, USA, France and Germany.

What do they do, these Peoples’ Reps, when they go overseas on taxpayers’ money?

The long-suffering motoring public are mass victims of belly-dancing, shopaholic escapades and 'lawatan sambil belajar' junkets at their expense!!

donplaypuks with my transport man!! donplaypuks® at http://donplaypuks.blogspot.com