INTERGRI T? SORRY, WE HAVEN'T SERVED THAT BLEND SINCE 1969!

by jantan tongkat ali & kacip fat mama, Donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for high T teh tarik affairs

The battle-scarred veteran of many a GATT/WTO skirmish for free AP handouts to rich relatives and cronies under the affirmative action (for the rich and haves) driven New Economic Policy, Madam rAPidafire Ironic Lady, stormed into the deserted parlour of 1M $40 Million Heavily Subsidised Ye Olde Madras Town Mamak Tea Shoppe.

" A pot of my favourite Intergri T, Maidin. Lots of it. And be snappy about it, or else...You know who I am, don't you?"

"Aren't you that Biggest Loser Lady who always doing the Hari Raya TV ad with frizzed out rat fur on her head, year in year out at the same rural, rustic house in Melaka?

"What? How dare you confuse me with country yokel peasants! And where's my Intergri T?"

"Well, you are a bit behinding the times, Madam rAPidafire. We not serving that Alliance Daching blend since 13th May1969, and certainly not after July 1981."

"In that case, a pot of Earl Grey, Darjeeling or Tetley's Tea Bags will do. Chop, chop! You know what they say:

1. Tetley's Tea Bags - 90% aroma, 10% body.
2. Earl Grey - 50% aroma, 50% body.
3. Darjeeling - 90% body,  10% aroma.

"Sorry Madam rAPidafire, we don't serving yimported British or Yindian tea."

"Bah! What a low class joint! And I'll have none of the Boh ganja powder adulterated "got oomph" local stuff for me."

"Just for you Madam, we having special promotion of tea from downing under. Coming 5 flavours:

1. Far T - 90% aroma, 10 % body. Sold by the cc (cubic centimetres).
2. Shi T - 50% aroma, 50% body. Sold by the kg (kilogram).
3. Cnu T - 90% body, 10% aroma. Sold by china doll.
4. Pas T - 100% fundamental hot air for those religiously inclined. Sold by Osama (deceased).
5. Dato Trio T - 100% HollyBollyTonkywood aroma. The creme de la creme of BUMNO sponsored salacious spicy teas, specially imported from the salons of Phat Pong in Bangcoq. When boiling water is poured over the tea leaves, a magical top layer of blue film will appear, which when sipped, can transform full-haired young men into pot-bellied grandpas wearing crew cut hairsyle. Must be consumed with jantan ali copporn. Boiling water must be timed with Omega Oyster Perpetual Day-Date Wrist Watch donated by Saudi Prince. For best results, comely China Doll will be on hand to ensure first boil is achieved satisfactorily in exactly 15 minutes and second boil, 30 minutes later. Sold by Cik Thamby Pendek.

Would you trying a cup of any?"

"No, not today, thank you. Just a bottle of mineral water then."

"Ah, that we having 3 types:

1. Air Hitam du TOILET with brown sludge ooze and ammonia, optional. Specially collected and bottled from Puncak, Splash and Syabas underground springs in the Klang Valley.
2. Air Derriere du FLOM (First Lady of Mongolia) reserved to keep in shape the blossoming butts of FLOM, FLOS (First Lady of Shopping) and FLOP (First Lady of Putrajaya).
3. Air Asia du CHEAP (Certified Helluva Experience Aero Planes) at $15 a bottle with $30 coqscrew if booked online and paid by credit card in advance. Otw, in-flight orders will cost $30 per bottle an coqscrew, $60. Now, Everyone Can Drink (if you can afford it, but you'll get coqscrewed anyway).

"Don't you have anything really special that you normally reserve for FLOCU?"

"Please don't be swearing at me, Madam rAPidafire!"

"Oh, el mega stupido Maidin, I meant  for First Lady of Curtin University."

"Oh, is there a doctor in the house?" 

 "Oh, do people have fake degrees here?'

"Perishing the thought!"

Donplaypuks® with INTEGRI T, man!