SIL HAIRY PLOTTER & THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS PHILOSOPHER'S STONY SILENCE!

by JKR owling Tak Kerja, Donplaypuks® intrepid correspondent for gaji buta (sinecure) affairs

Sil Hairy Plotter, Havoxbridge-con economics, politics and philosophy triple degree holder, stared in stony silence at the deathly hollows of the in- and out-trays on his desk. First ever BUMNO Youth Head with no portfolio, not even offered a face and grace-saving 'Minister Without Portfolio' post in $15 billion annual budget Prime Minister Dr.Imelda Birkin Rosemajib's Department at Suckcesspool Princessville!

How could they do this to him? What traitors to their own race.

It wasn't that he really wanted any real work or, work for real.

This new breed of Havoxbridge-con graduates were all UNEMPLOYABLE ouside of the offices of their fathers, fathers-in-law and government. After all, which really commercially viable outfit could afford to pay anyone upwards of $250,000 per month for the sheer pleasure of them getting up from bed at 11.00 a.m everyday, scratching around with their Quidditch Balls, and then heading straight for cocktails and lunch at Shangri-la and The Mariotte Hotel?

Cunning has its rewards AND limits. Oh, yes, in 2008, Sil Hairy Plotter had with sleight-of-hand native didgeridoo flummoxed the opposition with mysterious 'Postal Votes' and secured his Hogwarts Hogwhitewashedup Parliamentary seat. He soon waved his magical wand and engineered a miraculously crucial electricty blackout and vote recount at Prince World Trade Center and emerged as Half-Bloody Head Prince of BUMNO Youth.

It was as underwhelming an achievement as any you could imagine!

After all, what does a Half Bloody Head Prince of BUMNO Youth do on a day-to-day basis? Condoleeza Rice doesn't visit KL every other month, does she? And hiring illegal Indon Bludgers, Chasers, Beaters and Seekers armed with broomsticks to intimidate Ambiga and Bersih is not exactly the golden stuff of legendary achievements with which to decorate one's resume, isn't it (a bit of Manglish there for you to revel in)?

But it did temporarily consign to the vaults of hell the ambitions of his nemesis, Muggles Muk, unfortunately a clueless 2-degrees graduate of the inscrutable and too sophisticated Tokyo Sophia Uni and too straight MydadisBosston Uni of Massachusetts.

Muggles Muk is of course 1/4 (go figure that out) shareholder and director of 3M Corp (Mok, Muk & Mir), 100% wholly-owned subsidiary of 1MFLV (You know who - He Who Must Not Be Named - 1 Maha Firaun Lord Voldemort) Corp. 

But 'He Who Must Not Be Named' Maha Firaun Lord Voldemort, Prime Minister Dr.Imelda Birkin Rosemajib and Doubledumbmandoredoff Muhy soon snookered Sil Hairy Plotter. They counter-plotted and appointed Muggles Muk as Deputy Minister of No Thrade, leaving Sil Hairy Plotter to juggle his two Golden Goblets of Fire in futility and in isolation.

Sil Hairy Plotter was now a prisoner of the Chamber of Cigarettes, deep in his relatively brand new sub-sub-basement office in Suckcesspool Princessville and fuming away in disgust. 

Oh, how the once mighty of 4th floor had fallen, and now made to grovel, publicly.

All that he surveyed in front of him was the mouldy and crumbling sub-standard brick wall, and above him, the collapsing ceiling which had nearly done in Fil Wizard Rip Van Winkle during one of his visits when he was still PM. Now in retirement in $10 million palatial bungalows in the sleepy suburban hollows of Perth and KL, RIP was resting in peace from the heavy exertions of doing nothing more than seriously engaging and investing in long marathon bouts of slumbering while in office.

 But, Sil Hairy Plotter was not finished yet. He was plotting furiously to arise like the fabled Phoenix, and create new disorder.

He made that call to his crony con-sultant of $180 million commission from placement of Thalikom and other shares to Temasick - Lord Malfoy Omar Mangya Ong Weasel of Pathos Consulting, Singiapour - and now diam diam as director of $6 billion marginal oilfields in Petrofcuked Corp.  

Lord Malfoy Omar Mangya Ong Weasel was Sil Hairy Plotter's plant at Petrofcuked Corp, Hogwarts' much loved, worshipped and over-milked to the bone cash cow.

Lord Malfoy Omar Mangya Ong Weasel was of course another triple degree Havozbridge-con graduate, having mastered the art of 'What they don't teach you at Harvard' i.e. the 3-books hocus-pocus abracadabrassiere (my 38-D cup runneth over) accounting system.

'Wei?'

'Sil wor.'

'What can I do you for?'

'What's the stragedy?' 

'Who asked you to announce you won't be standing for re-election in Hogwart's Hogwhitewashedup Parliament?

'Hey, that's standard BUMNO practice. Anything we said one minute ago, can be reversed the next. You know, 'misquoted by Zionist Press, The STAR & Stripes and Buntutsan Editors etc., etc., etc.'

'Ok, You have to bury Muggles Muk.'

'How?

'Won't be easy. They got lottov Whorecrutches & FD cabbage moola."

"In Bank of Israel and Singiapour?'

'Yes, $ billions in Bank of Israel and Singiapour.'

'Got $ billion, meh?'

'Yes, the cents of the father are visited upon the children. Billions and billions of them (Carl Sagan, eat your heart out) .'

'Do we have any Whorecrutches left to make a play?'

'Not many Whorecrutches left. Prime Minister Dr.Imelda Birkin Rosemajib has been giving it all away, nameweely: 

1. ProthonElectrthronNuethron Holdings
2. Mana Ada Systems Airlines
3. 'Reducing' toll highway charges by paying off in cash $hundreds of millions in advance to crony concessionaires based on inflated traffic count projections
4. Piratising $120 billion MRT
5. Piratising old airport land
6. Piratising old prison land
7. Piratising $7 billion Banting-Taipingcon toll highway
8. Piratising $20 billion defence procurement contracts
9. Piratising KTMB
10. Piratising rice
11. Piratising sugar
12. Piratising $6 billion Petrofcuked Corp 'marginal oilfields'
13. Piratising submarine piracy of the seven seas by illegal Indons
14. Piratising piratisation
15. Socialising Felda losses

'Bugger it!'

'Yes, that's what I told Sighfool.'

'So, what's left?'

'You mean, what's right?'

'You know, what I mean, Don't play games with me or I'll decapitate you with my Sword of Mandore, like Neville Longbottom did with the Sword of Griffindore to finish off that snake Nagini!'

'The games have long begun. Re-member Dato Trio and their Video 'Sword of Shortjohn Silver?''

'But it backfired on Dato Trio, isn't it (more Manglish for you)?'

'Sure. Now they are working on Plan B. They are shooting a $2.2 billion tolled sequel in Southern Thailand called Free & Immediate Prince of Soil Status For All Local Thighs starring an ex-CJ's wife and a half-assed BUMNO and ex-Deputy Public Prostitution lawyer.'

'So, what's out stregedy?'

'We have to grab and own the Golden Snitch Ball first.'

'It floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee.'

'Shall we get Muhammad Ali aka Cassius Clay to fight for us?'

'Is he a Prince of the Soil?'

'Can be directly negotiated for $1 million, especially since he's a Muslim.'

'Why the Golden Snitch Ball?'

'Inside it are hidden the Resurrection Gooli Stones with which we can communicate with the dead.'

'Why must we communicate with which dead?' 

'You know what the 'mort' in 'He Who Must Not Be Named' Maha Firaun Lord Voldemort means, right?'

'What?'

'Death!'

'So, how do I make a comeback from the dead to communicate with the dead?'

'You first grab the Golden Snitch Ball by the short and curlies, that's how.'

'Ok, let's take a punt.'

'Will call you back when it's confirmed.'

TWO DAYS LATER

'Wei?'

'Mangya Ong here.'

'What?'

'It's confirmed. In the bag.'

'What's confirmed in the bag?'

'PUNB.'

'Idiot. I said take a PUNT, not PUNB.'

'What? Jeesus? Why didn't you tell me. It's too late. You have to punt with PUNB.'

'There got money or not?'

'$ billions, got. They give out lots of easy loans for invisible cloak investments.'

'Anyone chases for loan recovery?'

'Is Obama your uncle? Does Dr.Imelda Birkin Rosemajib detest Birkin handbags? Is Ibrahim Katak a pretty face?'

'Jom. We'll punt with PUNB. Send me the appointment letter and the onerous terms for gaji buta, today.'

Donplaypuks® with our hard-earned tax money and investments, man!